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Ana (35) from Pancevo was a victim of domestic violence 6 years ago, and today she decided to talk about everything.
This brave woman, mother of two children, decided to address the public six years after the fateful night she was the victim of violence, when her then husband beat her.
She wanted to show by example to other women, victims of violence, that they should not be silent, that they should not suffer any type of abuse, be it mental, financial or physical. To cheer up all those women who have been hiding bruises, tears and groans for years after being hit because they were nervous, because the child fell, because they ate lunch without expecting it … Because … whatever reason you can think of. .. the bully will use it.
And the reason for the violence does not exist and the violence should not be justified, it is one of the main messages of our interlocutor. Like any woman who has suffered some form of violence or abuse, she should and should report it.
– Violence has a name and surname, it has a family, parents, friends … Detecting all these cases is something very big. The victims are scared and are in a very difficult situation. It took me 6 years to get to the point where I could speak openly about it. Women are educated not to talk about it, and they should not be silent and suffer, they should not – says Ana.
“It was cruel, horrible, painful”
She points out that violence can happen to anyone, regardless of their education, status or position in society, remembering the night it happened to her.
– It was very difficult … I couldn’t talk about that night for a whole year. It was horrible, painful, cruel. It happened by chance that I ran away to the house of strangers and thus I was saved. I had injuries to my face, they knocked me out several times … – Ana remembers the first most traumatic moments of the beating and continues:
– That night I took a family camera, took a photo in the bathroom and transferred the photos to a “cloud” that I had no access to. I deleted the photos from the camera so he didn’t even know he had them. I called an ambulance and asked, “Are you reporting domestic violence ex officio?” They answered affirmatively and I hung up. And that was probably the biggest mistake of my life.
As she explains, she did not report him for violence that night. It is not the following. In the end, she did not report him at all. He wanted to smooth out relationships, have the family he dreamed of (at that time his children were two and three years old).
Even after that event, she remained married to him for almost a year and a half.
– He never said “sorry”. Could I have recognized, understood before …? From this perspective I am. There was jealousy, strange circumstances, behavior, resentment and prohibition of my decisions, control over who I date and what I do. In those moments, you first deny everything, you want to soften those relationships, that conflict. It is very difficult to determine when you are in danger; our interlocutor is honest.
As she adds, she was convinced that she was doing the right thing, that not reporting it was the right decision.
– Later I realized that it wasn’t. Women must know that they must report violence. They are terrible things. After that injury, all those conflicts that are happening, everything is literally dying. You’re alive and working, but … you’re not alive – Ana says while her eyes fill with tears. He pauses, so he works up the courage to keep talking.
– I asked to go to a marriage counselor, it all came down to two attempts … First of all, you don’t think it happened at all. Second, live with the hope that it doesn’t happen again. I managed to leave before it happened again. For years after the divorce, I was scared. Never get rid of it. There is always the suspicion that something could happen to you – says our interlocutor.
After the violence he suffered, he spent nights, weeks, months without sleep.
– It’s a constant fear. You don’t sleep for a year after that. And fear is just one of the reasons why women don’t report violence. I hope that my story leads other women who suffer violence to understand that they do not deserve it and that they have to leave – says our interlocutor.
You break up when you want to leave in the morning
On the road to independence, he had the support of his closest family and friends. He says that, instead, the environment had much less understanding of what was happening to him, of what was happening until he divorced, at the beginning of 2016.
– The environment in which we found ourselves at that time did not understand my pain, to calm it, to find a way to deal with it … The women in my environment said: “Shut up, let go, don’t do it next time you say “or” You pissed him off “, and that’s the established way of behaving here – she says.
As he says, at first you have the feeling that people don’t trust you.
– Then you keep quiet for a long, long time. Then you recover … for years … And then you realize that there are other women you can help with your example – says Ana.
When asked how and when he finally decided to leave, he responds:
– You break when the fear becomes so great … When in the morning you want to disappear from fear. At that point, you decide to leave or stay. Fear moved me and ultimately saved me – he says.
Ana points out that she was not financially stable at the time she broke down and decided to leave her husband.
– I did not work in those moments, I was not busy when I was finishing that sad story. But that is not a reason to endanger your life and, at the same time, your children who see everything. Now we also have job competitions where victims of violence have an advantage. These are the things women should know, notes this woman from Pancevo.
In the end, she points out that she continued to fight without a partner, and hopes that her story, now happy and successful, will lead other women who suffer violence to report and know that they can go and continue living, as far as possible from the abuser. .
(Kurir.rs/Telegraf.rs, D.Simić)
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