December 9: the nurse saw me

Now I can express my feelings in words.

The pulse accumulated. I started hyperventilating. He was lying on the bathroom floor and couldn’t breathe. The tears continued. He was in the fetal position, all alone. Because sometimes you are just that: alone. I felt that I did not belong to this world, that I did not fit. Did it really make any sense?

Many people thought that my life was so perfect, that it was a dance of roses, and it was, but believe me, I had so many thorns on my feet. I never talked about it. I felt it was taboo. I never told my friends how many times I cried on that trip in the cabin, how it really felt in my head or what was hiding behind the facade. I always wore a mask. I only smile. He said everything was always fine.

I had kept my feelings to myself for a long time, maybe I spoke quietly about it to someone, but not much.

I realized that I needed help

“How am I really?” I thought about that night in the bathroom, and then everything fell apart. It turned black for me. It is when you first immerse yourself in your own emotions and open yourself up that you realize how you feel.

I felt so alone, alone, no one really cared, just me, around so many others. I had many friends, a wonderful boyfriend, and a family who cared, at the same time I felt like it was just me. Alone.

I realized that I needed help. I realized that something had to be done. If you are in a situation where you need professional help, you should ask for it yourself. It doesn’t help that everyone else pushes you to a psychologist or health nurse, because then you are left with your claws out and you will not accept anything.

It was only when I was in the fetal position and couldn’t breathe in the bathroom that I realized that now it was my turn to get professional help.

The nurse saw me

It was really scary. I was ashamed to go to a psychologist and a nurse. I was terrified. The only person who knew anything was my boyfriend. Not mom, not dad, my brothers or girlfriends. I was so scared of what others would think of me. She didn’t want to be “the girl with problems.”

The nurse welcomed me with open arms. She saw me. I wanted to know how I really felt and that was comforting. He knew he had a duty of confidentiality. I knew she might have an answer or a solution on how to improve. And I felt that he cared properly. She made me put things into words, something I hadn’t been able to do before.

Safety and care

In the last year, I have received a lot of help from the school nurse and the PPT service. I have been very lucky to have been around people who really care, who have given me safety, care, and who have a desire to make my life easier.

Just the fact that they helped me put my feelings into words made everything easier. Now I feel much better and I am looking forward to Christmas. Sometimes you just need a little help with a few little things, then everything will be so much better.

What is most important to remember this Christmas?

– This Christmas I think it is important to focus on the near and dear ones around us! It is important that no one feels alone on a day as pleasant as Christmas Eve. So spread the love! A little hello probably means more to many than we think.

Have you not received the rest of the articles of the Christmas calendar?

Then you can read them here.

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