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– Changing to the spouse’s name generally has a lower status in Norway than keeping one’s surname, the opinion prevails for women and men. But for the few men who choose to take their wife’s name as a hyphen, middle name, or last name, there are a number of additional reactions coming from the outside world, cultural scientist Line Førre Grønstad tells NTB.
Before Christmas, he defended his doctoral thesis at the University of Bergen with the thesis’ Community and individuality. Choice of gender surname among Norwegian men in heterosexual relationships ”.
One of the findings is that in a country as similar as apparently Norway, keeping the surname is strongly linked to the vision of masculinity and the identity of a man.
Minorities change surnames
While one in two women takes the husband’s last name in one way or another when they marry, only a small percentage of men in heterosexual relationships do the same.
Almost all women who get married have thought about changing their name or not. But Grønstad found that for the most part, only the men who actually made a change had considered a name change. The others gave him little thought.
– You must also be very attached to your own masculinity when making a choice that would otherwise be associated with something feminine. It is seen as somewhat lower on the scale, she says, and compares it to men who choose traditional women’s occupations, such as nurses.
In his dissertation, he writes that men who change to the woman’s last name run the risk of being called “a period.” Among other things, it is found in the term that is used on the surname that the man takes: “name of the girl”. Grønstad himself uses “growth name” over this name, a term introduced by name researcher Ivar Utne.
The reasons
Research shows that men should be careful not to perform tasks that women traditionally do, because then they can quickly be called “old ladies.” Such as housework, typical female occupations or bearing the wife’s last name. Illustration photography: Gorm Kallestad / NTB
Grønstad wanted to know why and in what context men decide to change their surname.
– Some have a basic attitude that men’s and women’s names are equally important. Many have a very strong sense of community and the idea that the nuclear family should have the same name. These are attitudes these men share with many women who change their names, says Grønstad.
Often the thought is conveyed by someone, often the partner. It matures over time and various factors play a role. It may be important to continue with the name and where you should live, how you imagine living together will be.
– There is a lot of negotiation, continue.
The decision is considered private to the partner and therefore often a bit of a surprise when the outside world reacts.
From Kirchoff to Bekeng
When the Labor Party’s health policy adviser got married a few years ago, he took his wife’s childhood name, after an evaluation and dialogue between the two. Karl Kristian changed his last name from Kirchoff to Bekeng.
– We agreed that the family should have a common surname, and that a double surname is a way out, so we had to choose. Since she has several sisters and I have brothers, it was likely that both surnames would be passed on if she took her name. We made an agreement that since I took his last name, I decided the names of the children, he says.
It says that women, in particular, react positively to elections. He has also experienced that people refuse to believe that it is possible, such as when he forgot to book a plane ticket under his old name and had to explain to a Belgian flight attendant why he had another name in his passport.
– It took a lot of persuasion to make him understand that it is actually possible for a man to take his wife’s name, says Bekeng.
It feels like a betrayal
The tradition of having a surname and passing it on from father to son is no more than 120 years old in much of society. However, Grønstad found that especially removing the last name a man has grown up with can trigger reactions.
– That the son changes his name can be strong for a father, that the son breaks the tradition feels difficult to understand as something more than a betrayal or a message that you no longer want to belong to the father’s family, although of course few sometimes it is meant like that, he says. Grønstad.
Precisely for this reason, someone said that they had worked in advance to involve the environment in the idea of changing the name. Others no longer had contact with their father as a result of changing their name.
Another reaction that several claim they get is humor and goofiness at the name changer’s expense.
– You can live as something a bit positive, a kind of innocence, where you become part of the community: “Now they have something to joke about with me.”
– It’s a bit good, perhaps, that people see that there is freedom of choice for men. The legal freedom to choose whether to keep yours or take your partner’s last name has been around since 1980, for both women and men, but the freedom of choice is probably still socially limited, Grønstad says.
