Dear Amy: My wife and I share your column at breakfast. Can you arrange this for us?
Our son, senior in college, claims he has found the love of his life. “Ashley” is also senior. They have been dating for more than a year, and it is clear that he wants to marry her.
It just seems like he has made this emotional commitment, maybe it would be time to meet her parents and family.
I wanted to invite them to our suburb to enjoy a round of golf, the pool and a nice dinner at our country club, but my wife thought that was not a good idea. She claimed it was too soon to meet the parents.
They live in a very upscale area, and I assume my wife has looked up what they have paid for their house, how much nicer their country club is than ours, and is probably afraid that our standard of living will not live up to their standards and will change their perspective on our son soured.
This is hurtful.
Is there an appropriate time for our families to learn from each other in this situation, especially considering this perceived difference in financial net worth?
Eager father
Best Eager: Even though you submitted your question during a global pandemic, where – for some – a trip to the grocery store is considered a luxury, I’m going to (along with you) like one of these happen right now, and that life looks more like a John Hughes movie than a zombie apocalypse.
The attachment of your son to his girlfriend seems to have forced you a lot of projection.
First, use this column to communicate with your wife. Please lower your paper, laptop, tablet or phone and speak directly to them.
Is she really so shallow that she would research the net worth of another family before inviting them to meet? Or maybe you are so insecure about your own (enviable) privilege that you have forgotten that this really has to be a human moment? Yes, two family reunions are nerve-wracking, whatever, but you’re doing this about yourself, if it really should be about your son.
You and your wife need to re-adjust your values, and simply tell your son, “We would like to spend more time with Ashley, and also meet her people when you two are ready.”
Also, in my opinion, a whole day at the club is far too much time to lock in a first meeting. If you happen to be on campus at the same time as this other family when / when the students return, a quick coffee with you all at the campus cafe may be the best way to meet.
Dear Amy: My husband and my core group of friends are all in their early to mid 70s. We all practice the mandates of our state for people in our age group, which means safer home, masks and social distance than we go in public.
Because we are also isolated from our children and grandchildren, my husband and I communicated with each of these friends to see how they were doing and whether they needed help to get groceries, medicines, or other necessities. But one other person is coming back though!
Our friends normally say they are lonely, but they do not seem to recognize that the same is likely true for the rest of the group.
Recently when I called one of these friends, she reprimanded me for not having any contact with her for a while. I replied that maybe she could reach me and she did not answer. We will keep in touch, but am I selfish to wish they would call us every now and then to see how we were doing?
Feeling forgotten in Colorado
Best forgotten feeling: You are doing a commendable job of initiating this contact with friends. You should now be more transparent in describing your own feelings, followed by a specific question: ‘I also feel lonely. Can you do me a favor and call me? That would make me really happy. ”
Dear Amy: Thank you for your response to “Concerned Mom” regarding a vegan diet. We have raised our children on a vegan diet and they have done very well and have never been sick!
Grutsk Vegan
Best Pride: I raised mine as omnivores and the same result! But yes, a vegan diet is safe and healthy for growing children.
You can email Amy Dickinson to [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.
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