DEAR ABBY: I am at the limit of my wits with my husband. I am visually impaired as a result of eye cancer, and he refuses to stop making fun of me.
It constantly bothers me for being blind, for not being able to read and for how bad my eyes are.
My eyes are very bad, some days much worse than others, but I am not totally blind. And, Abby, I can read, but not like I used to. When I tell him that my feelings hurt, he gets mad at me for being “too sensitive” or ignores me because “he’s just being honest.”
He is very religious, and I have thought about communicating with his pastor about this because it bothers me a lot, but I am an agnostic and do not have a relationship with him. It hurts, but it’s almost worse because our daughter looks at him, and I don’t want him to think it’s okay for his dad to bully me like that.
CHALLENGE IN TENNESSEE
DEAR CHALLENGE: You are not overly sensitive and your husband is not only honest! He may be punishing you because you had the gall to get eye cancer, or he may just have a sadistic streak. This is not how good Christians behave; it’s just like hypocrites do.
That you are an agnostic, by the way, many intelligent and pious people should not prevent you from having a conversation with your husband’s pastor. However, even if the pastor were to prepare a sermon on the subject, I doubt it will change her husband’s behavior. If you are going to continue in this marriage, you must find a way to change the way you react to the abuse you are receiving.
Maybe once you find out that you can’t get the reaction you’re looking for, it will stop.
DEAR ABBY: I am dealing with the worst heartbreak in history. I don’t know what I did to make my boyfriend stop loving me.
He doesn’t talk to me or text me, and now he’s blocked me on Facebook.
One minute he said he would always go out with me and the next he told me to stop texting him and he blocked me.
All of this has made me lose control, and now I want to hate everyone. How can I stop this terrible pain?
LOVE DAMAGES IN OREGON
DEAR PAIN OF LOVE: Before answering that question, I want to evaluate your signature, “Love Hurts”.
What I need to impress you is love it doesn’t hurt. True love makes people feel better.
It is time to stop wondering what you did wrong to receive the treatment you are giving. Let me educate you: You may feel guilty because you met someone else and you don’t have the courage to admit it. Time will tell if I am right.
The way to calm this pain and refrain from lashing out at others would be to remember that they are blameless. By taking away the pain, you are isolating yourself.
Get rid of any memories that remind you of him. If a song reminds you of it, don’t ever play it again. Stay Busy Focus on other things and talk to your friends and family about your feelings. If you do, you will soon realize that others have experienced the same disappointment as you.
And most of all, remember that while this experience may have been romantic for a while, it has run its course.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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