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15min LIFE talk on Father’s Day about how this day is celebrated in their families, what qualities they inherited from their parents and about their relationship with their children.
– How do you remember your dad – from childhood?
L. Pernavas: Dad paid us a lot of attention. In every way. Starting with the elementary things, from being together, going to nature, building various snow castles. Together we went fishing, together, mushrooms. Fairy tales every night. I still remember them today.
Of course, and our travels together. I was born and raised in Lithuania when we were part of the Soviet Union, so we couldn’t travel to the West. But, for example, we have been 7 times in Leningrad at that time, several times in the Carpathians, not to mention other trips.
Together we build a garden house, a sauna; I remember and learn all these jobs perfectly. Taught by dad, not someone else.
L. Linkevičius: I remember many features of his path. He was quite strict, fair, he didn’t talk much, he was demanding. But he was an authority. I say it has been because he has been gone for almost 20 years. A lot of time has passed …
K. Jakutis: Father, will I still dare in this life?
Touch your rough hand
Respectfully raise it to your lips
And kiss?
Watch
Like a falling tear of goodness
Absorb on your divided palm.
I wrote this way in 2005. My father was still alive, but I still couldn’t keep that promise. I did not dare. Although in childhood they had to kiss the Father’s hand. I don’t remember why or why. I apparently remember my mother being told to do it for some minor offense.
Do I apologize to my father when I was a child? Yes. Probably not once.
And I remember it was unpleasant. This intention of mine, expressed in the poem, is otherwise. It’s like thanking your father for his dedication and care, it’s like apologizing for his life.
A life in which duty has always been above pleasure. Do I apologize to my father when I was a child? Yes. Probably not once. But these were words spoken mechanically, unconscious, insincere.
– And have you ever had to apologize to your children? So that?
K. Jakutis: I don’t remember I know I can do it and I’ll need it. Why do I feel guilty. I shook hands with one of the four children, another teenager, who returned after a night of drinking. I still remember it. And I am ashamed. It hurt. I do not control …
I acted like my father did when I was eighteen and came back from dancing one cold darganot morning. The mother was in the hospital, expecting the fifth child in our family: sisters. The father opened the door and hit him in the face, saying: mom to the hospital and bastard nights.
L. Pernavas: Very often. In the past, maybe I was angrier, maybe more difficult to apologize. Life experiences come with time. I get angry very rarely and briefly. And then I apologize because I survive. Sometimes you said something wrong, you knocked on the door. There are difficult moments.
Photo by Sigismund Gedvila / 15min / Lin Pernavas
Living away from home also brings its disadvantages and tensions also arise. You want to do something, deal with it, but not everything from a distance is successful. But the further you go, the less anger there is. Again, it is a life experience when you realize that you don’t need to deal with anger. But if I’m wrong, I’m sorry.
– How is Father’s Day celebrated or celebrated in your family?
L. Linkevičius: We mark the days of mother and father. We remember our two parents, who no longer exist. And the children are us. Every year I receive wishes from my daughters, because they live outside of Lithuania. Always remember and always say hello.
L. Pernavas: We do not celebrate this day especially. Recently, the greetings have been virtual, because I am not in Lithuania. Not only is Father’s Day celebrated, but also name days and birthdays. Most of our lives have moved into virtual space. Of course, on the one hand, it’s unfortunate, but looking at the current situation (which we have for the second year in a row), the question is whether it will end so quickly. Therefore, this is an opportunity to be together, at a distance.
K. Jakutis: I didn’t start with all the fun, lyrical deviations, and quotes from my books, and I’d like to end with fun and optimism. Because I think that this year, like last year, my four children will come to the fields and forests of my Tėviškė, where I have been spending a lot of time lately, and we will be together 24 hours a day: fishing, inspecting plantations. Christmas trees, steaks. It will be fun. As we say, we will wake up in a parent-child relationship. I love you, my children. And I look forward to it.
Personal Archive Photo / 2019 Jacket Family
– Who are you associated with on Father’s Day? Do you have any tradition?
L. Linkevičius: He associates with both his father and his family. Father’s Day is not the brightest holiday of the year, but it is a day we remember with respect for parents.
L. Pernavas: I never highlight those days. Somewhere I heard that children need not only a father or a mother, but also feelings and care. For me, every day is the same and children care the same thing every day. I am not trying to highlight one of the days of my life.
My two children are now adults, they have their own lives, their own families. The oldest will be 25 this year, the middle 21 and the youngest 16.
If I have the opportunity to visit my adult children, I use it all the time. I plan to return home for a short time in the summer, so I will definitely visit and stay with both children.
– In your opinion, what strengthens the parent-child relationship?
L. Pernavas: In my opinion, openness and trust. But not everything is so simple, suffice it to say: Be open, tell me everything, and everything will be fine. And that will be the case.
In the past, open conversations were more difficult because there was not as much experience. And now everything in our family is quite open, we talk.
It’s not that you can’t say a bad word, there are no forbidden topics. We try to talk about everything openly. If everything goes well, we are happy, if something goes wrong, we talk. They are simple things.
And another thing that I apply to myself and try to instill in children is to keep the word. Sometimes I joke: if you answered the third night and asked what the words “yes papa said” mean, you would surely hear the answer of all three: “He will.”
Photo by Lukas Balandi / 15min / Linas Linkevičius
L. Linkevičius: Family and there is a connection. It never breaks, it always does, despite difficulties, despite nothing. Despite the distances. I find this question difficult to answer or does everyone have their own answer. The connection is present or absent.
Family and there is a connection. It never breaks, it always does.
– What character trait would you like to transmit or have transmitted to your children?
L. Linkevičius: I don’t think I’m passing on things like that, it’s not a legacy. Each one has his own. Also, I am not very ideal to imagine the qualities that I would like to convey.
I trust my daughter, both gifted, of different characters. I have no doubt that they will find and will find what they expect from life. I think there has to be some freedom, not some crunch in your imagination.
L. Pernavas: The three things I have already mentioned are respect, trust and keeping your word. But I’m still developing those qualities in myself. It doesn’t always work, but I try.
– When did you feel that the children had grown up? Who are already independent in decision-making? How is that feeling?
L. Linkevičius: Good question, but difficult to say. They always remain children, even when they grow up, no matter how old they are. That is the feeling. You may not want to accept the fact that you grew up, although it is inevitable and obvious. Children are children. We have time not to lose that.
L. Pernavas: Apparently I realized that a few years ago. You have to communicate with younger colleagues, acquaintances who have younger children, they say a lot of worries, they do not sleep at night. I say: rejoice while they are near you.
My two oldest children already have their own lives and the youngest lives with me. We are close all the time: sports, shopping, leisure, park, walks, city outings. Watch movies. I won’t lie, but when he came here, we watched the first movie together. And he was already 15 years old.
When you have difficulties, the family will support you, when you are well, they will be happy with you.
So that’s what I tell others: work is important, career is important. Yes, everything is important, but everything is temporary. And the family is what it was, is and will be. When you have difficulties, the family will support you, when you are well, they will be happy with you.
And work … We want to get promoted, get something, win, be respected, recognized and things like that, but often, I and I see ourselves, we forget about the family, the children. Only then do we realize that all time has passed …
I started working as a policeman, I became a general commissioner. Everything seems to be going well, but one day you realize that you can’t even watch a movie with a child. Because you keep running, you dedicate yourself to work.
When they ask me what I plan for the future, I answer that to be with the family. As much as I can. Work will be, he will find me himself, and family is more important to me. I understand that you will never go back to that moment; tomorrow or later it will not be, it is today and now.
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