The Lithuanian living in Spain is open: about the lack of humanity in Lithuania and what surprised her when she returned to her homeland

– You have lived in Spain for more than 10 years, but your five-year-old daughter was born in Brazil, right?

– Yes. We went to Brazil for a while because it was necessary for man’s work. Also, it was a great opportunity to get to know another culture. We spent a total of two years in Brazil. That’s where our Ona was born.

– How was the delivery in Brazil? What are the pros and cons of the medicine?

– Since I spent time in Lithuania this summer and found current medicine and service, I have something to compare. In Brazil, we use the private medical sector, so we were treated at the highest level. All was very good. As I myself lived in the United States and the United Kingdom, I was amazed at the way patients were treated here in Lithuania. I was surprised by how cold people work in hospitals, but that shouldn’t surprise me. So much lack of humanity … In Brazil, everyone is very nice, we Nordics can even seem like talkative, speaking bluntly, but in the end you appreciate it when you realize that compassion means a lot. My situation in Lithuania this year was such that we asked to go to the hospital reception. Babcės sent us from one office to another, until it finally became clear that we even had to go to another building. I thought, “People, they’re human, I’m sorry, we didn’t come here to eat ice cream, we came to get emergency help. It was unpleasant. Fortunately, the doctors did everything necessary. Although there were also misunderstandings here. I was discharged home with an unremoved catheter, which I noticed only to wash myself while taking the patch. I don’t know if those experiences are common?

– Many Lithuanians living abroad say that there is a particular lack of smiling people here …

– Court. But since I am from here, I really like Lithuania, everyone around me knows that I am Lithuanian, I am not ashamed of that and I do not hide it. I always invite my foreign friends to Lithuania. But after so many trips, I know that there is no perfect country, there are pros and cons everywhere. Yes, there are fewer of those smiles in Lithuania, but we have something else to be proud of.

– What is it?

– In the first place, it is contact with nature. When you live in big cities and you need between 1 and 2 hours by car to walk through the forest, this is the space. Let’s say I lived in Chicago for almost two years. There are no forests there like in Lithuania, Vilnius. Where you go to Sapiega Park and walk by yourself. There you pay an annual fee to enter the park. Ale Bernardine Garden. In addition, we have the sea. We should be grateful to live near the sea. The only thing missing in Lithuania is the mountains. Because from there you can see all the space. In Lithuania, everything is very simple, everything is organized very quickly.

– Let’s talk about children. What is the attitude in Spain towards children, towards their upbringing? Is it stricter than in Lithuania?

– Definitely not harder. In Lithuania, the tone of speech of adults with children hinders me a lot. Perhaps our fair language is so strict. Such words “good”, “gave”, do not add softness to language. And they also come from the Russian language. There is no shaking or shaking of children in Spain, there is no rude behavior. To me, as an Eastern European, sometimes it seems to me that I would take it and tell that child that it is all over, we will not talk about that anymore, and they are negotiating for a long time, trying to persuade. So the breeding is much smoother.

– Don’t children become cribs?

– Certainly not. They don’t get rude either, on the contrary. Passing down the street, if you don’t say goodbye, at least smile at the stranger. I myself grew up in Lithuania and I see that this anger is leading nowhere. I don’t get any of that. Parents’ patience then pays off in a relationship. You have to respect the child, that is very important.

– How is the day to day of families in Spain? When do children go to sleep, when do they get up?

– It is difficult to describe the habits of the whole country, but I can speak of the circle of people with whom I interact. This is a group of our neighbors – what 8-9 families. We all agree very well, we are of a similar age, from 30 to 50 years old, with one or two children. Very often we spend time together. What I have noticed is that the Spanish really go to bed later and sometimes even everyone falls asleep with the children. For example, on a Friday night, all the parents gather in a pile, eat, then they play a video for the children so that the adults can chat and sit until 11pm. Some of them are there and fall asleep on the left. I have not seen that in Lithuania, moreover, we do not meet in such large communes. Of course, on weekdays everything is more orderly, at nine o’clock everyone is getting ready to sleep, and at ten o’clock all the children are already sleeping.

– Who was the most difficult to deal with?

– Perhaps with such uncontrolled childish behavior. As every weekend we meet with the families to sit down, there are about 10 children and they get out of control, they start to mix everything up, to break toys, I do not think it is acceptable. Of course, I don’t know what it would be like in Lithuania. Because these companies meet here unless it’s on birthdays. And in Spain it is normal every week. That, let’s say I really don’t want to invite such big companies to my house because I don’t want to run everything from scratch afterwards. From this I can conclude that Spaniards are, in fact, much freer to consider child abuse.

– Are large families popular?

– A child is already small here, most have two or three children. Four, very rare.

– What is the role of the father in Spanish families?

– In my family, a man is really atypical, he is very involved in the life of a child. On the other hand, I also realize that in other families children are not really a “silly thing.” Dads interact with their children, riding bicycles with them. When I come to Lithuania, I see that many parents give the tablet to the child to leave it alone. In Spain it is less. Although, of course, here too everyone cares about tablets. But perhaps more often it is an evening activity where the parents want to talk to each other. Communication in Spanish with children is more natural, warmer, parents less crowded with telephones. Dads are more involved in children’s lives.

– And don’t you have to commit yourself because you are Lithuanian and your husband is a foreigner?

– Of course you have to. I respect Catalan culture, but I also understand that I am not with her on the road. Spain, on the other hand, is home to a large number of foreigners, and there is a multicultural culture here. In Lithuania we are trying to take that Lithuania to all extremes, through books, etc. Sometimes even funny. I am the Eastern European who finds it difficult to accept innovations, I am not that open (although compared to other Lithuanians, I am even very open). Although I have been living abroad for fifteen years, I am still stubborn as a goat. My husband looks at everything very patiently, no one bothers him. Let’s say there are days of people in Lithuania, it always happens that someone is speaking, why do we do that and so on. Here people live their life and so on.

– Is that what they teach the children? Tolerance towards another?

– Yes. I recently bought a Lithuanian children’s book and was very surprised to see the word “black” in it. It seems strange to me that this is the case. I can’t even read. I mean, nigga.

– And the independence of children? In Lithuania, you will often see a beginner traveling home alone. In Spain, apparently, is this a rarity?

– In fact, there are different circumstances. Children don’t walk anywhere alone for a long time. Vilnius is a small city, there are no maniacs here. There are no bad experiences. In Spain, there is not even a language for someone to let a 6-year-old child leave school alone. No way. I know, for example, that my neighbor’s twelve-year-old girl comes home with an older girl on a bus. But anyway, children are very protected. When I was young, I remember going out to play alone. In Spain, this is incomprehensible. We all sat together with the children. This is how children and mothers communicate.

– How do mothers communicate? Are you familiar with the “supermom” syndrome?

– In Spain, mothers are very open. Isn’t there a tone that I do that and you don’t? I like it. Let’s say there is a very large group of us families communicating with each other, and I am sure that at some point in Lithuania, two bobs would break apart and the group would break. And here there are nine families, 16 adults, and we communicate. There is no imposition with negative emotion. One mother in our group breastfed a child under the age of three, which seemed like a lot to me, but it is not my breast, this is her choice, let her do what she wants. There are never teachings, there are no downsides. I like that.

– When is it normal to start a family in Spain? 25 – is it too late or is it about time?

– In fact, up to 30 are rare those who form a family here. Someone told me that in Spain, women across the EU are having children at the latest. And I would agree with that. Spain is not a rich country, you have to work hard, make a career and establish yourself, so it is too late to give birth to these children. But I find it funny when he says that a 35-year-old woman is older. I see how they behave, how they live, it seems to me that they are at the very peak of their strength. But really give birth after 30 years.

– From what age do children begin to go to kindergarten?

– When we returned to Spain from Brazil, Ona was 10 months old. When she was one year old, I let her go to kindergarten and she was very happy about it. A woman who works in Spain has only four months off. Everyone sees it as a cosmos because they understand that they have to put the baby in the nursery. Everyone is working hard to stay home for at least 8 months. But by the age of one, everyone is already walking to kindergarten. It was interesting when we enrolled her in a Lithuanian kindergarten in the summer. Because we came here in July and we knew we would stay for a month and a half. We decided to leave Ona in kindergarten. It was funny that the five-year-olds here in kindergarten are still sleeping. My daughter has such a Spanish temperament that lunch is a curse on her. She does not like much. She had to go to kindergarten only until noon.

– You have traveled to many countries. Where do you find the family approach most acceptable?

– I would give Spaniards a bonus for promoting very sincere communication in the family, being with family members is a great value for them. There is no way to go there with us, where the whole family gathers only at Christmas and Easter, and half of them are unhappy with it. Spain is trying to be united and enjoy that presence. Because the United Kingdom and the United States are different. Even in Lithuania it is different. As I mentioned at the beginning, humanity and empathy are foreign to many here. For example, I had surgery in Lithuania in the summer. I asked the nurse for someone to support her hand. Do you know how he interpreted it? He tied my hand to the operating table because maybe he thought he was involuntarily shaking himself for me. Space. Seriously? And it was just terrifying for me … Laughter through tears.