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After 6 years of friendship, the boy started violence.
At the age of 16, Jurgita was attending school conscientiously, living with her parents, and meeting most of the children after school, like most teenagers. After being friends with a couple for some time, J.Šarkaitė became pregnant and still had a child when she was 17 years old. However, although he started a family early, he did not drop out of school and graduate.
“I have always dreamed that I will have a great family in the future, I will have at least two children. I was family oriented and that’s why my parents raised me. I never went to nightclubs, discos, but when I was a teenager I started to rebel. More and more I told my parents not to interfere in my life, I told them that I would do whatever I wanted, ”recalls J.Šarkaitė.
Photo from personal album / Jurgita Šarkaitė
The newly formed family initially lived beautifully, but half a year later, the boy’s mother began to interfere in their relationship. The parents of the Jurgita couple did not avoid alcohol and there were fights, and the girl emphasizes that her family was different, she had never seen drunkenness or visits from the police before.
“His mother did not support our relationship, he wanted to lead everything and was mother. After three years of living together, the boy’s mother hit me. In the village, someone told him that I was leaving On the left, ran drunk, hit me in the face and broke his nose, – says J.Šarkaitė. – That time my mother intervened, who took me home and told me that she would not return there. It was a nightmare year because I was raising a daughter, but I was still a child. “
Jurgita’s own boyfriend did not raise his hand against her at that moment. After half a year of living alone, the couple gradually began to communicate again: the girl believed that he would meet and change, he would become more responsible, less receptive to the mother’s instructions, so he decided to return to the relationship and soon there was a son.
“It just came to our knowledge then. I worked and my husband did nothing, for example, when I was four months pregnant, I was chopping wood, says J. Šarkaitė. – It was the sixth year of our life together when a child was diagnosed an anxiety disorder. I didn’t know what it was, how to get it, so we consulted the doctors to find out. “
I worked and my husband did nothing; for example, when she was four months pregnant, she cut firewood.
During the illness, Jurgita’s boyfriend was plagued by bad rumors about a girl he didn’t even know exactly. However, when he returned home, he hit J.Šarkaitė so badly that she was unable to walk.
“He did not drink, he did not smoke his whole life, it seemed to me that he knew a person, and then he broke you and you realize that you do not know me,” says Jurgita. – When he hit me, I didn’t shut up, I called the police, who took him to the detention center 24 hours a day. When he returned, he was living with his parents because the police did not allow him to come near me. He kept asking me to withdraw the statement, and once again I believed in the man who beat and humiliated me. “
Jurgita agreed to withdraw the statement, but firmly decided to end the relationship. While looking for a new home, he temporarily stayed with his children with their mother, who, although disabled, cared for her daughter and prepared food for her.
“It was difficult leaving the house with the children, but at the same time it was good to know that I was leaving and that there would be no more violence against me. Enlightenment came when I realized that now things would be different. It is important to know that if you have already raised your hand in front of you once, you should run as far as possible, ”says J.Šarkaitė.
Had two more failed relationships
Jurgita does not hide the fact that after a difficult relationship, it was not easy to trust the newly met guys again. A year later, however, she met a man with whom she had initially developed a good relationship, but half a year later, the problem of her alcoholism became apparent.
“Maybe I didn’t know how to live alone at the time, it was too difficult for me – at first you feel good and then you feel lonely. I had no one to talk to, talk to … I was used to living in a bigger family, – says J.Šarkaitė. – We talked to a guy for a while, he drove from Vilnius to Alytus and at that time you couldn’t even suspect that he had a problem with alcohol. And then while he was drinking … I immediately realized that It would not be good “.
Photo from personal album / Jurgita Šarkaitė
During the 4 years of living together, Jurgita repeatedly tried to help the boy; took him to the doctors for consultations, spoke with his parents However, the man did not change, once there was even a case where Jurgita had to leave the children and fly to Sweden to take the drinker to Sweden.
“He drank alcohol not just occasionally like many, he drank it all day, for months. Alcoholics are the ones who drink everything that burns: vodka, beer and even heart drops. He bought about five bottles of heart drops and drank one bottle every hour, ”says J. Šarkaitė.
For three years, Jurgita believed in a man and his strength changed, because even after drinking he remained polite, respectful. However, in recent years, J. Šarkaitė has realized that her husband will not change.
“Since I was renting an apartment, I was driving a man with all the things. I said that it would not ruin my life anymore and that the children would not see it. Then the terror began, the threats that he would commit suicide … After calling the helpline for women in situations of violence, I spoke with a psychologist who assured me that the man would not do anything for himself and that he only manipulated. They advised me not to believe those words, to close the door and not let in more, ”says J. Šarkaitė.
As soon as she divorced her husband, Jurgita started a new relationship almost immediately. While looking for someone to give the dresser to in the group, she unexpectedly met a boy with whom she happened to have had some contact before.
“He wrote to me more and more frequently and eventually he offered to live together. Everything went very fast, but I thought I would not lose anything. Unfortunately, at that time there was no one who would have gotten me used to asking what I was doing, ”admits J.Šarkaitė.
Unfortunately, there was no one person at the time who could have gotten used to asking what he was doing.
After serving six months together, there was violence in the family, Jurgita does not even remember exactly what he said, that the man grabbed her by the neck and left her on the ground. But at that moment, the girl immediately realized that the relationship would not end for the better.
“I gave him a second chance, I thought maybe there was a nervous breakdown, and so on,” says J. Šarkaitė. – But then her best friend and husband died. drove. There was a case where he drank heavily, I offered to eat soup while he shoved a bowl into the wall. He unleashed me with terrible words and insisted that if I said anything else, he would kill me. The situation got worse and I realized that I did not want to live with such a person, so I found a new home and moved. “
Failed relationships were caused by self-love and disrespect.
Jurgita does not hide the fact that it was extremely difficult to survive a failed relationship three times, and just taking care of the children helped her not to break down and stay strong. However, each previous experience hardened her, which made it a bit easier to end the relationship later.
“I closed the room and groaned. I was wondering, what am I doing? Only now am I beginning to realize that the last time I started living with my partner was after a few weeks of communication … I did not even know him, – says J.Šarkaitė. – But I have a strong will, I knew that I would not let any man be beaten. I tried to help myself, I said that everything would be fine, that I would be fine and I would live alone. “
Photo from personal album / Jurgita Šarkaitė
After the divorce, Jurgita accidentally found an account of a psychologist on Instagram, which explained why women still meet the wrong men, starting a failed relationship. Having become more interested, J.Šarkaitė found the answer: she does not respect or love herself.
“I loved everyone, but not myself. It is better to feed a man with children, and I will not eat. You have to learn to love yourself, because if a woman allows herself to live with a man like that, she doesn’t respect herself at all, ”says Jurgita.
Although there are women who live with an abusive husband just because of their children, J. Šarkaitė is strongly shaking this attitude. According to her, raising children was an incentive for her to leave home faster so that the minors would not see the abuse of their parents.
“Women often say that they cannot leave a man because children would grow up without a father. I have always said that living with an abusive husband due to children is the biggest mistake. A small child listens to a mother who say the most frightening words to him, who push her, hit her … What child will grow up then? He may have a psychological trauma, and he may be violent towards his wife in the future, because he saw such an example as a child, ”says Jurgita.
You have to learn to love yourself because if a woman allows herself to live with such a man, she will not respect herself at all.
Now J.Šarkaitė looks to the future without fear and knows that for some time she has to be alone, rest and strive for the good of the children and herself. She does not hide the fact that such a perception required painful experiences and burns to come.
“It still hurts a lot, I think, what harm did I do to treat myself like this? It is a pity that time has been wasted; 11 years have passed since the relationship ended. Besides, it is not so sad because of what he did to me, but because of the humiliation, almost compared to the ground ”, admits Jurgita.
According to Jurgita, it is impossible to prevent such a relationship in advance, but points out that the first step is to communicate with the other party, make friends and not attack the coexistence immediately. Only by getting to know a person better can one understand whether it is worth building a common future.
“You cannot live alone for other people. Some fear divorcing her husband for fear of what others might think of her. This should matter last. Also, I would advise you not to keep silent if you are under pressure, you feel intimidated; Silence is the worst option. It usually happens that a woman in blue enters, and when she asks what happened, she answers that nothing. Don’t do it, there is a solution in any situation, “says Jurgita.
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