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Kristina Busilaitė, a writer who experienced postpartum depression, conscious parenting mentor and author of the project and the book The Creator of Dreams, says that motherhood requires not only physical but also emotional strength, which every woman must learn to develop.
“It must be said that even with a mother, a woman has to delve into who she is. Now I think that if I had known, I could have built a relationship differently, prepared differently for motherhood.
A woman should be given a basis for the fact that we have to take care of our self-esteem, our confidence in ourselves. I had high expectations of motherhood myself, and I think the postpartum depression I experienced was partly due to those expectations.
I hoped that when I was a mother, everything would work out in my life. Then I will become happy, show everyone how great I am, amazing and show everyone that I can be a good mother. But it wasn’t like that, “he says.
The image of the mother is still developing.
The woman notices that an image of a perfect mother is being created on all sides, which can generate more insecurity for each mother. According to her, that created image can lead a woman to despair.
“In the past, there were books called ‘Perfect Mom’, which described how to properly care for that baby: how to sleep, how to care. The whole focus was on the baby and how to be a perfect mother.
Now the worst thing is that women do not go into themselves, but go into social networks and see that perfect image of mothers: how everything is beautiful, how the baby is clean, beautiful and how everything is perfect.
They seem to do everything perfectly and never get tired. And even psychologically strong moms can be ruined by such images. I think it is necessary to bear in mind that mothers must deepen themselves, ”says K. Busilaitė.
The uncertainty caused a shock
Ramunė Mazaliauskienė, a psychiatrist and psychotherapist, says that childbirth has a great impact on a woman’s body. Anxiety, sadness and insecurity often afflict a woman, but this should be taken into account when such a condition persists for a long time.
“Attention should be paid if a woman becomes overly sensitive and cries frequently. If this continues all the time, not just a couple of days, then you should be alarmed. If you don’t want to eat or stop eating if you have trouble sleeping, it is obviously hard to notice, because as soon as you bring in a newborn, its mother rarely sleeps soundly.
Also, if you start to express the thought that you don’t want anything, you don’t see any point in being sad, no one is happy about having to turn on all the emergency lights.
Basically, you have to worry about all the symptoms that characterize depression. If this condition lasts more than a week, it is advisable to take a closer look at what happened, ”says the specialist.
She points out that her mother’s depression is an extremely serious condition that can affect not only the woman herself, but her relationships with others as well.
“Depression is a serious condition, and even mild depression can disrupt daily functioning. If in the case of severe depression the mother can no longer care for her child (and herself, by the way), then even in the case of mild depression, rapid exhaustion, lack of joy and desire are observed.
The newborn, then the baby sees the sad face of his mother, feels the muscle tension in his body. Therefore, it can affect the early relationship between the child and the mother. It would be possible to speak of depression with psychosis separately, because due to hallucinations or delusions, a woman can be dangerous for her and for her child ”, says the psychiatrist R. Mazaliauskienė.
Kristina, who experienced postpartum depression in her fur, recalls that due to the uncertainty and shock after giving birth, she felt confused and immersed in a strange state from which it was very difficult to get out. Adjusting to a sudden change in life was a real challenge for her.
“It seemed like I was completely transformed and I didn’t know what to expect from life, because suddenly a baby appeared in life and suddenly you were no longer alone. The same depression occurs when the melancholy progresses to a chronic state.
I remember when I came back from the maternity home I was surprised and did not realize that it could be that pain and inflammation at all. There were so many unknowns.
Over time you will not fall asleep, you will not eat normally, you will not rest and after a while you will realize that you are running in a certain marathon and your mind begins to work in the opposite direction because you are no longer living like that. a normal life.
It seems to me that being a mother wants to embrace everything, and be a good wife, and also a perfect mother. Sometimes we just forget to ask for help. ”
Support from others is also very important
Both interlocutors point out that the support of loved ones is necessary for the mother. Childbirth is a stress on the personality, the woman is surrounded by uncertainty and, in this case, the support of close people helps prevent depression.
“After childbirth, a lot of things still happen in a woman’s body: strong hormonal changes, because after pregnancy, the woman’s hormonal balance changes completely.
Childbirth is also still very dependent if it was very severe or the woman was bleeding a lot, and especially the birth of the first child is very stressful for the woman, since the mother does not even sometimes know how to hold that child.
If a woman is surrounded by the support of others, it is really easier for her to avoid all these symptoms, ”says the psychiatrist.
Kristina Busilaitė explains that it is very difficult for a mother to cover everything.
“If there is not an environment and a family at that time to support it, then it is really very difficult. When loved ones say that before it was hard for them, and now it is very easy to be a mother, when from the environment they tell you that everything is so good here and you do not feel good, it begins with a kind of inner feeling. struggle and foundation that so much apathy for everything, “he says.
It’s still embarrassing to talk
The woman says that the stereotype that childbirth is a wonderful thing still prevails in our society. As a result, women are often condemned for their feelings of unhappiness after the birth of a child, making it even more difficult to talk about postpartum feelings.
“Society has come up with something that if you are already giving birth, it is the pinnacle of happiness and if you are not happy, it means that something is wrong with you.
I remember five years ago when my society started talking about postpartum depression and when my story came out my friends told me not to read the comments. But I read and realized that people think that if something is wrong with you after giving birth, then you are proud, spoiled and something is wrong with your head.
From such reactions, I realized that depression is shameful in our society and that people don’t even talk about it because they are afraid of other reactions. It’s even scary to talk about it. ”
Postpartum depression should be avoided without expecting anything. Women need to analyze themselves, and those around them, according to Kristina Busilaitė, can help simply by spending time together.
“I believe that prevention and education are paramount. That as soon as the baby is born, loved ones are ready and able to offer the simplest help that perhaps the mother most needs at that time.
Because it hurts more when, even if a woman doesn’t ask or ask, everyone just runs away with their advice and stories to share. That everyone knows better than you. There is a clear need for this support from family members ”, the woman shares.
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