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Many Delfi interlocutors testified that, for the first time, they thought about the fact that someone could bring an envelope to the funeral only when they had to say goodbye to a close person.
“During the funeral of both parents, we received envelopes from several close people, although we didn’t really ask for anything. It was unexpected, but it helped a lot, ”said Ms Milda.
A young woman from Vilnius, Rima, told a similar story.
“When I buried my dad, we didn’t ask the guests for anything, they didn’t bring flowers or envelopes themselves. I really didn’t know they were going to bring envelopes to the funeral until I understood with my own fur who needed it and why. Funerals are something so expensive that if you don’t have the money to do it, you’ll have good luck changing it, ”said Rima.
According to the interlocutor, the amounts that people donated to their loved ones were different.
“I didn’t look and I didn’t count, but I think 50-100 euros each. If I had to bury something now, I would spend at least 100 euros, ”said Rima.
He thought about the financial situation of the family
Julia said she was carrying a funeral envelope a few years ago when her neighbor’s father died.
“The family was never very rich, they had 7 children. Some are already adults, some are not. And her mother is almost of retirement age. We have just evaluated their financial situation with the family and we took 100 euros from them. Otherwise, she would not have carried the envelope, but the death of the head of the family was not only emotionally and psychologically difficult for them, it also worked and earned more.
I wanted to be able to cry at least for a while and not have to immediately think about where to get food. We weren’t the only ones carrying the envelopes, but we didn’t agree with anyone taking them, ”said Julia.
Simona said she had come across the envelopes at the funeral several times.
“When I was in 12th grade, my classmate died. His family lived in poverty, the boy bought a car with the only savings as soon as he retained his rights. He reached it. Before attending the funeral, the educator tactfully said that we would not wear a crown, but rather a class envelope. We put together what we could later. Such was the wish of the deceased graduate’s mother: without financial help, it was difficult for her to pay for the funeral.
The second time was when my own father died. We didn’t order anything, but almost everyone had envelopes. There were not many flowers, symbolically, instead people contributed money. It was very helpful: the price of a funeral is one thing, but before there were financial issues, medicines, nursing homes, ”said Simona.
She herself said that she strongly supported the decision of people to help financially the relatives of the deceased.
“I’m only for the envelopes. If the relatives of the deceased do not ask about them, remember to actually put the envelope. The flowers are beautiful sometimes, but they will disappear. And loved ones with all their financial burdens and memorial orders will have to live on. Sometimes 5 euros can go a long way, ”said Simona.
Another Delfi interlocutor, Lina, said that she was carrying an envelope with 50 euros during the funeral of her friend’s mother.
“Even though I tried to back off, I didn’t give up,” Lina said.
The woman said that the amount to put in the envelope was dictated by intuition.
“Somehow 20 euros seemed small to me, 100 euros too painful for me,” Lina said.
It is not polite to reject a victim
The etiquette specialist Arminas Lydeka commented that from the point of view of the etiquette, the desire to contribute to the reimbursement of the expenses of the relatives of the deceased is acceptable.
“We all understand that in such exceptional situations, a certain family has additional costs. If we understand that, for example, if a person organizes an anniversary, a wedding, he has many expenses, and the best gift for him would be an envelope with a certain amount, all the more so in the case of a funeral when a disaster occurs. burial. This is related to costs that are often unforeseen and quite significant, “said A. Lydeka.
Together, the etiquette specialist urged those who came to honor the deceased, to support their loved ones, not to carry too many flowers, large wreaths and baskets.
“It also costs money and, at the same time, makes the funeral organizer an additional expense: organizing the vehicle, taking all the baskets and wreaths to the cemetery and tidying up,” noted A. Lydeka.
At the same time, the etiquette specialist noted that sometimes the question of how to accept donations is solved by building a donation box. If this is not the case, according to A. Pike, the victim can be turned over to relatives. Its size, according to a label specialist, is not important.
“It just came to our attention then. Both a euro and a hundred or several hundred euros are the victim. Everyone can, to the best of their ability, contribute at least a little to the costs related to the funeral,” said A. Lydeka.
The etiquette specialist stressed the importance of understanding and of the relatives of the deceased that the victim must be received with respect.
“Rejection, both in the case of a gift and a sacrifice, is an insult to a person. (…) Of course, this is not fair behavior on the part of the relatives who organize the funerals,” said A. Lydeka .
Sometimes asked to build a victim box
Inga Galdikienė, marketing director for funeral services company Sielų upė, said she could not say how often envelopes were brought to relatives because they were not in the armory, but she noted that about two months ago a customer received a donation box in the lobby.
“Then we put a box in which, whoever wants, puts the money, whoever wants, puts it in their hands. It depends a lot on the people. (…)
Of course, people donate money to their loved ones, we always suggest that it may be better to contribute financially than to buy a large bouquet, but it is already a matter of people, ”said I. Galdikienė.
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