[ad_1]
Victoria smiles because she hadn’t previously thought that taking an interest in relationship psychology could be interesting and so helpful:
“We had no such thing in school and consequently it seemed that we should be able to build a healthy relationship on our own. Unfortunately, this is not the case, however. Often, it is not even enough to have a beautiful example of a relationship. parents, which I’m glad I had to understand everything about the relationship between two people. “
PHOTO GALLERY. Victoria Malanova
One of the mistakes he had made in the relationship in the past was that for a long time he was silent about the things he did not like about his partner’s behavior and only named them when it was already difficult to hide.
“Now I don’t think it’s really worth doing, because those unpleasant actions of a partner will not go away, and anger, frustration or resentment will only build up and spread with even greater dissatisfaction. Also, the partner will feel that something is not. it’s okay and you’ll feel bad too.
The more he listened to the lectures of psychologists, the more often he participated in their training, the more useful things he learned.
It was even disappointing that we didn’t teach it in school, so I decided to share my knowledge by creating an Instagram account called “Relationships are the most enjoyable science,” she says with a smile.
Where do you start to “fix” a relationship?
“Ask the other half for a few minutes and do this practice. Together with your partner, tell him some important things: why you value him, why he makes you happy, why you are more grateful and apologize for the mistakes you make in the relationship.
And then you should add new rules, such as: openly but without reproach, talk about your feelings, be able to admit your mistakes without avoiding the word “sorry”, respect the limits of others and realize in a dispute that your goal The main thing is not to prove what is correct, to understand each other and find a common solution ”, says Victoria.
The girl names that she often receives questions from girls about how to get her partner to give her more time and attention, how to resolve conflicts correctly, or how to raise her value in the eyes of her partner. But Victoria is most pleased with the moments when the girls ask how to love themselves more and how to create inner harmony.
“In such cases, I advise girls to consider themselves more often, to find an activity that encourages them to smile more often, enjoy their lives and feel fulfilled, and not be afraid to act out their own. personal limits and saying ‘no’ to something. That makes them feel bad, “he says.
What do you need to know before attacking a relationship in reverse?
Sometimes it happens that even a couple who have been nurturing a relationship for a few years finds that their approach to the future is completely different. A simple conversation at the beginning of a relationship would have helped clear up this discrepancy.
“It is useful and even necessary to talk about what are the expectations of both of the relationship so that it does not happen that one is already planning a wedding and the other appreciates the time spent having fun and changing their path. Therefore, it is important to ask questions that reveal a person’s attitude towards the basics of life: family, work.
It is necessary to understand by what values a person is guided and only if those basic values and the approach of life coincide, is it possible to start a relationship with more courage, because everything else can be adjusted, a compromise can be found. , but it will be difficult to change the basics., – warns Victoria.
The girl provides sample questions that could help determine if you and your chosen ones are on your way.
“I have a ‘Ask her’ section on my Instagram. It contains a variety of questions that help reveal a person’s worldview. For example: do you think the relationship should be legalized sooner or later? Should a woman take care of the home on a regular basis ? Should a man earn more than a woman? Should there be a common budget in the family, etc.? ”, The girl names the questions.
The most common mistakes
Victoria observes that another common mistake couples make is expressing their discontent through reproaches and sometimes insults.
“After reproaches and harsh words, a person instinctively begins to defend himself and this leads to conflict. As I became interested in relationship psychology, I realized that when someone does not like a relationship, they should speak in the first person and express it not as a claim, but as their well-being and desire, such as, “When you do, I feel bad. ”You…” she says.
Also, one of the mistakes is that sometimes a couple does not know how to represent their personal limits and does not say what is unacceptable to him or her in the relationship.
“It is very important to talk about it out loud and not keep it quiet. The more you respect your interests, your personal limits, the more your partner will respect them,” says Victoria.
Still, defending your personal limits and desires shouldn’t be confused with trying to change partners. Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are.
“When a person feels that his partner is trying to change him, he begins to doubt himself, he does not feel good enough and, consequently, sooner or later the person realizes that he does not want to be with the person who is with them. causing these problems. feelings, “he says.
However, Victoria believes that by realizing that relationships can and should be learned, everyone can have a healthy and harmonious relationship that is dominated by dialogue, the ability to listen and respect the interlocutor.
[ad_2]
