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“It just came to our attention then. If you study poorly, you will be punished. A good girl, a bad girl. We were constantly evaluated, compared. Parents today can raise their children differently,” she says.
Deauville also graduated from the Sensitive Sleep Counseling Institute in Australia. Sensitive Sleep Consulting Institute) and now helps parents find answers to questions about sleeping in babies and children.
The long-standing desire to become a mother, assisted reproduction and an unexpected message like the rain from the clear sky on not only a child but twins carried under the heart, and later, and the birth that began in week 33 of pregnancy, they brought a lot of considerable evidence for Deauville and her husband. . The daughters were born weak and immediately went to resuscitation. The family spent three weeks in the hospital.
“It was one of those shocks of motherhood, because while we were waiting we went to courses where she said that when children are born, you must demand that they help you on the chest because it is extremely important, babies also have to find breasts and, God forbid you want it, cut the umbilical cord too soon and so on … Sometimes I think it happens, you have to control a delivery where you demand something, and if you don’t, it means that you have not achieved anything, you have not done it.
I gave birth naturally, but I imagine that women who tend to give birth naturally and have to have a C-section feel something like this. I did not demand anything during my birth. I thought of the only thing: these people do everything possible for children to be born and survive. There were no thoughts about his wishes or statements, only infinite gratitude, “recalls the interlocutor.
Personal album photo album / D. Šafranauskė with daughters
The twin mother shares that, especially in early motherhood, she experienced a series of times when she felt that the feelings she felt were in conflict with environmental advice, certain stereotypes, or demands placed on her mother.
“What does ‘put my chest on’ mean … I couldn’t carry my girls for a week?” Of course, this is all causing internal conflict again, and they are trying to tell you that “look, look, they are breathing, they are probably going to live, they are not the least in this resuscitation, you should be happy.” And inside: anxiety, fear … And sometimes you really don’t need those words, but maybe you just say there is everything. Or just stay close … ”- D.Šafranauskė remembers the fragile beginning of her daughters’ lives.
Although Dovilė and her husband were preparing, attending courses, reading a lot while waiting for the girls to be born, she says that in all the books she wrote about what to do, how to tidy the house before the boys were born, but not a Only book could tell about It’s like being with children.
So it seems to Dovile today that she was technically, but not morally, prepared for motherhood. And one lesson whose motherhood teaches her constantly and will probably teach her all her life is doing less, planning, strategizing, waiting, and more, just being.
No book on how to be with children fell into his hands.
As the daughters grew older and began to react more to the environment, Deauville and her husband began to search for what could help nurture and raise them so that they were aware and confident. His eyes were caught behind Magda Gerber, of Hungarian descent, now well known in America for the RIE Philosophy of Respectful Parenthood, written by a European. He immigrated to the United States, where he worked with children for many years and began to offer certain principles, which became the philosophy of respectful parenting.
Photo from a personal album / A moment from the family of D. Šafranauskė
“I wouldn’t say that respectful parenting is something very different from, say, conscious parenting. Each of those philosophies has its own accents, the most important moments. Respectful parenting – respect. But what is respect? Sometimes we can riding a bike to show respect for the child, but do we show mutual respect in the family? Do we show respect for the store staff? A cat, a puppy that lives with us at home? That respect that comes from the parent relationship -son is much broader. Only with respect for life, individuality, “says D. Šafranauskė, professor of respectful parenthood.
We talked about respect for the baby from birth, fostered by this philosophy, about the meaning of boundaries and relationship building, preserving it as children grow, and accepting all of a child’s emotions, which is often challenging. discouraging, and why respectful parenting focuses on children under the age of two.
It is when children do not yet speak that we are more inclined to treat them as an object.
“It is when children do not yet speak that we are more inclined to treat them as objects. “Oh, he still doesn’t understand a thing,” I often hear from parents. The first mistake we can make is to think that our newborns, babies, do not understand anything.
They understand infinitely a lot. If you actually read us as an open book. And it is at that time that it is very important to respect the body. Warn the child before taking. Always tell us what we do with his body, ”says the mother of the twins.
Dovilė says we learn about parenting our whole lives and that there is no one recipe: every mom and dad has to feel the best and the best for their family, and respectful parenting is what it’s all about: we need watch, know our son, not follow others. and try to enjoy parenthood, build a relationship with children not only by doing something special, but also in a simple daily routine: feeding, washing, preparing the child, because that’s the way life is.
Personal album photo album / D. Šafranauskė with daughters
“It just came to our attention then. Not organizing activities, not having expectations. Gerber says,” Before participating in any special activities with your child, think about whether it will be more rewarding than walking down the street. “Because children, walking in a family street, they encounter beetles, pebbles, explore the environment. And sometimes going to an awesome event, where we find it a lot of fun, can give kids more stress than pleasure, “says Dovilė.
This conversation was recorded in the “Maria Radio” studio. We invite you to listen and contribute to the life of the webcast “Patreon platform and listen to the conversations first.
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