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On social media, a man posts stories about various experiences from his youth, what it means to be different in society.
On March 11, the day of the restoration of Lithuanian independence, he spoke about freedom.
“Is it freedom when you are short of breath, when you are invisible and inaudible?
Today, such a significant day for everyone, we do not want to pretend to wear a tricolor and turn on “Panorama”.
Today I want to talk about what is inconvenient. Even if they don’t hear or understand me, I still want to talk, because that lump in my throat doesn’t allow me to breathe at all, observing recent events in my country.
I rarely talk about this topic, because how I reconciled, or perhaps my life experience, in the popular words “skin” allowed me to distance myself, not see, reconcile…? DO NOT. But I can’t anymore, because today I will speak for others, today I will speak by the names of all your children, well, and to make it clearer, let’s all briefly go through my childhood together.
Since I was little I realized that I was a completely different boy from the others, in fact, those around me had let me understand. Playing in the yard with the children, I adapted more to the women’s team, although deep down I wanted to play basketball or even soccer with the children in the yard, frankly, I didn’t like both of them, but I really wanted to be like them no matter what. that it cost me.
Well, if I had candy in my pocket at the time, or whatever, well, whatever was necessary or interesting to them, it would allow me to play with them for at least a little while and feel like part of the boy team. .. The feeling of joy was as if I had just bought a carousel ticket. “Wrote”.
The rest of the story was shared by the artist on Friday night.
“Often in your public space you ask, how and where do these gays come from? To my surprise, I had to read your comments. More specifically, legendary stories, conclusions, knowledge or theories about homosexuality, in the comments section of the same “local scientists” and experts in all fields. It often turned out to be extremely scary, because in life, I am more afraid of idiots …
I emerged, like many other homosexual children, in my eternal gratitude thanks to my father and mother, in a completely natural way, traditionally.
And yet maybe at this point we will finally stop talking about some of our possible options, because they just don’t exist when it comes to human nature. I had no choice but to choose a different nature than other gay people. It is not like any profession. It’s not a choice after graduation what to become: a lawyer, an educator, or in this case, a singer.
Well, while I was still in school, I didn’t enjoy physical education and work classes anymore, until I finally began to feel and understand, accept and try to come to terms with myself, with my nature, with who I am.
I started secretly looking at the guys in the locker room. I tried every possible way to deal with those thoughts and hormonal storms.
But no matter how I hid it and was careful, they apparently felt it intuitively. Once everything was clear to everyone and as obvious as daylight, sometimes the idea of teasing me in game form occurred to them.
In other words, watching my reaction to their easily naked bodies dancing in front of me. Stuck in the corner. Feeling like a trapped thief … Of course, at the time I was trying to express some dissatisfaction and pretending not to understand what was going on, but my lowered traitorous eyes, sweaty face and red cheeks unmasked everything. I couldn’t lie or pretend so well that I didn’t like it and that I didn’t fantasize about it …
Later, I simply stopped attending these lessons because the harassment was also contributed by the teacher himself, who did not miss the opportunity to belittle that I was incredulous, feminine, impious, not like everyone else. He was not physically strong. I was very scared, but I was forced to climb the rope to the heights every time. To be honest, I’m still afraid of heights.
I didn’t like it and I was afraid to jump over a goat … Well, while I was playing basketball, God forbid, I took a bath here too; at best, I was kicked off the court, accompanied by shameful and terrifying words for my direction. There were also ball hits to my head or abdomen, as a lesson or an incentive, next time to try to be more like everyone else. They could be wrong, not thrown or confused, while I couldn’t.
The strangest thing was seeing the same PE teacher cry during school holiday concerts while I was singing. In the bottom of my heart at the time, I believed that I was not a bad person, well, at least not the worst.
I was looking forward to that dream day when I was finally able to escape Telšiai, the city where I was born and raised. I believed and knew that there were others like me. It wasn’t until a few years later that I learned that a gay girl living in a nearby courtyard, like me, escaped from a city that lacked light and air after graduating from school.
After 10 degrees I entered the Klaipėda Stasys Šimkus Conservatory. For me, as a 16-year-old from the province, this city was associated with the United States. I felt so free, on my own, that you could at least imagine how much joy I had in me at that moment …
How many more deaths, suicides or ruined destinies of the young will demand the dehumanization of all of us? After all, we are talking about the welfare of their children, ”he continued.
