Eeva, mother of six, on femininity, routine and motherhood: our society still sees large families as rare

– You yourself are from a family of four children and in a conversation you mentioned that a rare person from a large family decides to create one himself. It’s up to you …

– I have not seen any statistics on whether they are inclined or not, but I can see in my environment that they are more inclined. I myself never dreamed of a large family. I just met a man and we embarked on a family adventure. I think that now young people are encouraged to individualism, to endless self-analysis. Sometimes I watch in amazement how much they travel, how much they experience, how fun and interesting it seems to be. But we see that these young people are often still sad, frustrated and lonely. He seems very invested in himself and yet there is no joy in life. It seems that the environment only encourages us to satisfy our eternal ego, so taking risks and going on a family adventure is much safer. I have tried to draw such parallels. Let’s think about what a young man wants. He wants friendship. You will definitely find a friend in the family. If you want children to talk, your family will likely do it. If you want adrenaline, you will get a lot in the family. If you want a consciousness transformation, you will experience all possible consciousness transformations at birth. He wants a test without sleep for a week; you will get it all year. You think you are patient and patient, a great space to test. If you want to volunteer, you can do it in the family every day. Wanting challenges in the family every day is a great challenge. The family offers a very good opportunity to check who you are, to know yourself, to develop yourself. But to enter the life of a large family, you must have a bit of that adventure.

– You wanted to choose the acting studies yourself, but you mentioned that you gave up for your family. Didn’t you feel sorry?

– Of course, there were some moments of regret, because anyone who has experienced the magic of being on stage will tell you that it is difficult to run. Our withdrawal was deliberate. With husband
In the beginning, while still studying, we had the opportunity to experience the life of an artist. If the activities of the actor and the family are compatible or not, I do not know, maybe there are people who combine it perfectly, but that was our choice. I wanted stability. Now I believe that the decision was the correct one in our case.

– The Internet is full of articles on how easy it is to raise children: three, four or two … Which stage was the most difficult for you and which was the easiest?

– I would not dare to say what is better when it is easier. It is very individual. Each mother’s family experience is unique. When I hear the categorical statements of “expert mothers” on the issues of parenting, I dry myself out. I would be very careful in treating other families, other children less it happens to you too. Sometimes criticizing is enough and you learn that lesson yourself.

And because how many children is the most difficult, and how many are the easiest … I find it fun to say that after the third, be it four, five or six. Yes, you become more agile at various things, but it is the same as juggling balls. I don’t think it is easier for a juggler to juggle every time he adds another ball. Yes, you are skilled, experience in many situations allows you to react more calmly, but the extra hands do not grow. And the hours per day do not increase. And as children grow older, it is necessary to find time not only for the elementary home, but also to respond to each of their feelings, needs, spiritual experiences, to delve into their inner dramas. It is necessary to search together for the right solutions, analyze your options. If you, mom or dad will not be here, you do not know who will occupy that place and what advice they will give you. One can try to imagine even the simplest night ritual: when two, three children, and six have to be avoided. One wants to express himself, the other to hold his hand, the third critically needs a massage … So I can’t say there is no difference. Each child adds their own burden and it is naive to think that it will be easier.

– How do you discover that individual leisure time with each child?

– Individual time is very important for each child. How to name it? It is a matter of everyone’s fantasy. It is difficult for me to plan a calendar, although it should be a walkie-talkie. Spontaneity guides me. I see a need that has matured. In addition, the elderly are already speaking out. How long is enough? We all have the same 24 hours. There was a stage where I was only at home for 10 years. I didn’t do my direct job for education. I was always available for the children, all the time I dedicated to the home and the newborns. It was a time of transformation, of purification, that changed me. Changed silently and confidently. What was missing are at least brief moments with yourself, but even now they are missing and probably won’t be soon. There really was a scenario where reading a book or watching a movie was an incomprehensible luxury. What is still deeply ingrained is fatigue, because you just have to learn to live with fatigue and “no taste.” The children have grown up, I can rebuild my limits as they become more and more independent. I can already create my personal time, design my ideas and implement them gradually. Time to go back.

– What educational principles do you follow?

– Often parents project a lot of hope in their children, we think that they should improve us, we live with expectations that may not come true. Therefore, one should probably just cultivate a happy and free person. How? Basically we are an example for a child, he absorbs everything, how we behave, we speak, we are. They are our mirrors. If we see a happy person in it, are you lucky? Of course, there must be certain limits to education. In our family, limits are not a fortress, we are quite liberal and flexible. But, of course, certain patterns of behavior are constant. Perhaps someone would say that it is so bad, but I cannot become what I am not.

I believe in natural consequences. Therefore, the basic principles that guide us are example, limits and natural consequences.

– And the responsibilities, do your children have?

– Children have responsibilities, but I am not in favor of the child working at home. I am not the one who supervises how the children work and does not give advantages. For me it is much more important that they grow up next to each other, see how we do everything, develop self-awareness and can see and understand for themselves when it is necessary to help, spend time on this and that. I want them to develop empathy for those around them. The way he cleans the dust carefully is what matters the least to me, the child’s conscience and love of neighbor are most important to me. I understand responsibilities more that way. And the professionals really don’t take long to fold clothes.

– And the stereotypes about large families? Do you face them? What are they?

– Yes, there still are, but little by little they are disappearing. I’ve been through situations where it’s like I have to explain why there are so many children in our family. Once I was even surprised because a stranger arrogantly and rudely invited me, at what age I lived and if I did not know how to regulate birth rates. In any case, our society still views large families as rare. For some reason, people don’t believe that maybe that couple just loves each other and the kids. Isn’t that too small of a reason?

– Is there time for you and your husband?

– If you want to cultivate a relationship, a friendship, everyone knows that you have to give each friend time. If you don’t go out spontaneously and naturally, you have to plan as a date. We are more prone to spontaneity. We can take two unplanned walks and go for a walk. In addition, we learn to appreciate even brief moments against the background of hustle and bustle.

– And how do you think femininity and motherhood are compatible?

– The question is, what is femininity? This is very subjective. On the one hand, a woman can be very feminine, on the other it can be the other way around. I think that motherhood and femininity cannot be contrasted. Otherwise. They are things that arise from each other. Of course, there are women who do not become mothers and remain feminine. But motherhood provides another level of femininity. If we imagine femininity as primitively as long nails and long eyelashes, mothers may not lead in that context, but what unfolds at the birth of a child are internal things. Self-knowledge, acceptance of one’s nature, vocation: all this irreversibly changes you. To me, they are goddesses.

– You are not only the mother of many children, but also the founder and director of the “Universitas mažiemus” school, right? How did you come up with the idea of ​​moving from dentistry to pedagogy?

– The idea arose from my own need, from the anguish of seeing my own experiences and those of other children. I am not an entrepreneur, I am a craftsman, a dentist. The establishment of the school was the result of several disappointments in our educational system. Out of all that pain and helplessness, I thought, maybe you can take it and do it differently? It was a bold decision, I don’t even understand how I dare to do it. I am not an educator, I did not have the proper knowledge, but I believed in people who have it and want to raise children differently, more precisely, so as not to hinder their spread. Thus was born “Universitas mažiemus”, a fusion of academicism and knowledge of various branches of art.

I don’t have a big plan for what we’re going to become, but I’m happy to be happy with what we have now. I am currently immersed in the methodology of M. Montessori women’s education, wonderfully talented and insightful. She is very inspiring. What I felt I discovered in this methodology. There it is said that the child is the father of the adult. This fundamentally changes our knowledge to date. And here is another quote: “A child is a discoverer, a person born out of the nebula, like an indefinite and wonderful creature seeking its form.” Could there be something greater than the ability to accompany a child on his way? it becomes completely irrelevant, your own or not.