Lithuanians are offered to learn from lonely Americans: what to do to not want to go with their loved ones

Seeing that there is no way that Lithuanians can sit in one place and not navigate, I want to tell you about how Americans who are used to living alone behave. And they celebrate the holidays alone, and thus allow weekends. It’s not easy, but you can make friends with loneliness and tame it, those singles say. You will understand everything soon.

You’ve probably heard that big cities like London in England, Paris in France, Shanghai in China, or New York in the United States are called lonely cities. It is even said that the bigger the city you live in, the lonelier you feel. The more people on the streets, the more loneliness there is. And this is not a theorem created by someone, but a real reality that would be confirmed by any Lithuanian living in major American cities. Not even Lithuanian, but if you know ours there, ask them.

Such complaints, which we have recently heard in Lithuania, that it is impossible to sit at home without the company of friends, or that the big winter holidays without loved ones are a tragedy, and all the similar comments, would be simply amusing for the inhabitants of large American cities. People come to New York, Los Angeles, or Chicago not just from all the smaller American states, towns, and villages, but from around the globe. From Europe to Asia. Therefore, it is natural for newcomers to separate themselves from families, friends, and everyone else that a person may be missing. However, people travel to these cities with big goals, usually to chase career heights, earn big money, or fulfill some other dream. Millions of them came too many times and sacrificed their comfort and presence to people who loved the heart for these purposes.

People come to New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, and other big cities knowing that they will have to start over. Many people expect it to be easy, they think that if a person is talkative, communicative, he will have a company of new friends in a week or two without any problem. There is no denying that some are very lucky, but they are units. However, most large cities face an inhuman loneliness that, even in the most terrible nightmare, they never dreamed of.

Why do many people find it more difficult to make close connections? My friend, a sales specialist who lives and works in Chicago, says that first and foremost new acquaintances are hampered by too many options. Both in terms of new friends and closest acquaintances. Every day in big cities, you want to be reluctant to meet hundreds and thousands of passersby who are happy to smile, love to communicate, maybe even congratulate them. Often the same responses to nice people with nice words, but that’s it. The chances of meeting another person again are very low. Even if you move the same route every day, the chances are slim. The subway trains pass every two minutes, they have many wagons, go up and one and the same, well, the possibilities are minimal.

Another reason that it is much more difficult to establish new relationships with a new person in major American cities than, for example, in Vilnius, Šiauliai or Alytus: little mutual trust. The more people, the more difficult it is to trust them. When there are newcomers from all over the planet, when human change is inhuman, it is scary to be attached to something, it is scary to open up to something. Big cities are full of con men, deceivers, monsters who say one thing, another.

Or there is a situation where you are already starting to communicate with someone closer, a relationship is already being established, but that person takes over and informs that everything, the contract is over or he is simply tired, then you go back to where you were did you come. I often hear about this problem from Lithuanians in London. Because London, like the aforementioned American cities, is just a temporary stop for many, where you earn as much as you want and enjoy there.

Well, another reason people in big cities feel lonely is that from the eternal flight, pushing the subway and the streets, at the end of the day, the head explodes, takes and runs out of energy. Therefore, those who live in such cities, at night, simply love solitude. He puts on headphones and runs through the parks, goes to sit on a bench by the house, or just locks himself up in a room and sits in front of a computer.

This is how the Christmas table for many of us should have been this year, without loved ones, but only with a computer or a phone showing their faces, it usually seems like a holiday to people in the big cities. They sit alone, buy a piece of cake, a variety of semi-finished products and communicate remotely. Skype, Facebook, Instagram and other social networks represent living people. Sad isn’t it? But such a reality, they know that they cannot change anything, because they do not bring all their loved ones and loved ones to themselves. Our emigrants, those who went abroad one by one, are not an exception either. This is what their holidays are like when they do not return to Lithuania.

It is because of this loneliness in big cities that it is so popular to visit private psychologists who lie on a sofa and listen. Since there is no one to talk to anymore, there is no one to understand those pent-up concerns. People who are far away are no longer that, they live their own life, and you live alone, in New York, London or Chicago. As a result, people pay a lot of money to be heard and to listen to another person’s opinion or advice.

But let’s end the sad side of loneliness. Now I want to present to you what the inhabitants of the big cities are doing to dispel sadness and that the time in solitude will dissolve more quickly to make sense of it.

I will take the first example from Tokyo, the capital of Japan, where it is very popular to sing karaoke alone. Think of it as a good idea, especially if it wasn’t created for singing. There will be no criticism, no one but himself will hear. Sing when you want, sing what you want, you can sing completely. Karaoke is a Japanese joy not only at home, but also after going out to town. If you have no one to walk with, you can find special institutions in Tokyo, where you rent a small single or double room and sing yourself.

It is very popular in New York and other cities in the United States to use their time for food production. There are many companies here that offer meal box subscriptions. The courier brings the box with the products and comes with a sheet with a recipe of what the person has to do. Take that, cut it up, bake for both minutes. As long as you perform such a specifically written task, time dissolves. In Lithuania, it is not necessary to order a box, it will be enough if you try to do what your mother or grandmother usually prepares for the holidays. And when you are successful, or not very well, there will be a reason to call and talk about how you were doing. Americans also show their meals, but not to their loved ones, but they upload them to special web pages or applications where they are rated by others and awarded points. Many people really enjoy this type of activity.

Lonely time in American cities is also consumed with a variety of courses that many have become used to attending almost recently. In the afternoons, after all the work, people sit in front of computers and study foreign languages, programming, singing, dancing, drawing, etc. with their teachers, each according to their hobbies and needs. That way you feel at home and educate at the same time. Good thing.

Another way to spend time that is very popular in America is general cleaning. Both online and on local TV channels, shows have become popular where super housekeepers, the professionals in this craft, teach people how to properly clean cabinets, how to whiten a dark sofa cover, how to clean quality shoes, and the like. Imagine, thousands of people, instead of crying with sadness, manage yourself. Every day it finds new corners.

In the United States there are marathons of watching movies, series, programs of all kinds, virtual battles or competitions between completely strangers. For example, they agree to do something at home, take some time to do it, and then get together and everyone pretty much talks about the results.

New and old fashion is spreading among Americans like a virus. After the popularity of Netflix’s The Queen’s Gambit, people want to play chess again. Live tournaments don’t happen, but virtual pages just break traffic. Maybe you also forgot about this intellectual game? Try to get involved, maybe you will and take advantage of your lonely afternoons.

Even for those who lack physical warmth, they have found a way out. Many different pages have been created where you can practice virtual love. Some are paid, some are free, but people like it. They flirt with each other without having a chance to meet. Usually, the system specifically selects the partner as far away as possible. That’s the point: both interlocutors know that everything happens only virtually, they are not going to receive anything serious. Just one way to pass the time.

In this way people not only survive the pandemic period, but in large cities they live year after year, and they do not hesitate for a month or two without the closest people. You know you won’t get it any other way.

New Years Eve is coming, when everyone will meet again, you will want to see your friends again, try the afternoons when you really want, take one of the ones I mentioned. You will see how quickly time passes. And when everything is over, we will meet again and everything will be as before.