Transly Emil: “My girlfriend says I’m much more masculine than those who were born boys” | Lifetime

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– Emili, when and under what circumstances did you feel that you were not born into the body of the opposite sex?

– That feeling came to me when I was little, about six years old. While living in an orphanage, I secretly collected my older brother’s clothes. Even though I choked on those clothes, I looked very beautiful and felt amazing.

I never liked girlish things: dolls, barbies or makeup, and I also agreed more with the boys: I ran, drank and hit them.

To reduce the sensation of dysphoria in adolescence, when puberty began, I wore boy’s clothes and cut my hair. As a result, she was very different from other girls. At the age of fifteen, I became more interested in LGBT +, met new people and gradually got to know and understand myself, realizing that I was transgender.

– How did your family react to them when they recognized your true identity?

– As I lived in a foster family for 12 years, I was very afraid to reveal myself because my tutor was a pastor of a church. I was afraid that she would not understand or even give up my care. When I wrote to him that I wanted to change my gender, that I was not in that body, his words were: “God does not make mistakes”, “Do not rush, it is only adolescence”, “It is only in your subconscious”.

She really tried to accept that, but there is no close connection between us. It’s hard for her and I get it, I don’t want to change a person, but I won’t hide either that it’s really sad because after all, she has been raising me for 12 years, and now it seems like she has erased everything. After all, I am the exact same person on the inside, only even happier. Only my appearance has changed.

The caretaker cut off contact with me. Sad, after all, I am the exact same person inside, only even happier. Only my appearance has changed

In the same host family, we reached nine. My two older sisters who live abroad support me, apply under a different name, sometimes we communicate, we communicate, we keep in touch. Others see it as a “perversion” and others are ashamed of me.

But now I live in another very large family where there is a lot of support and understanding, where when I go back and communicate with those people, I feel that they are my loved ones that I really want to return to and that I really don’t want to lose.

– What kind of family are you talking about? How did she get into your life?

– I met her in a camp where families who take care of children go. After meeting a girl from that family, I began to go there more and more often, to spend the holidays. Now I feel at home there: I go back during the holidays and when I don’t need to go to school.

– Emili, tell me how a trans person who lives outside of your body feels.

– I can say that living outside your body is very difficult. It’s like a nightmare that doesn’t end until you start the whole gender reassignment process. It’s hard when you can’t be yourself, when you can’t do simple everyday activities without a tremendous sense of dysphoria, like going to the shower, public toilets, swimming in a pool or a lake.

Many transgender people even avoid talking to other people because they are so complicated because of their voice. It’s like living the life of a completely different person. Several transgender people drowned in depression due to an excruciating sense of dysphoria.

– What difficulties did you face in Lithuania when the fight for gender reassignment started?

– Since I am young, the main difficulty is my age. Many think that I am too young and still a teenager, even a psychiatrist said that he can puncture my leg. But people don’t realize that I feel this way for years, not days.

I live and study in Klaipeda, and all the research and consultations take place in Kaunas and Vilnius, so the most difficult thing is travel and finances. Everything is very expensive. A visit to a psychiatrist alone already crosses the wallet significantly.

Many think I am too young and still in my late teens.

It is very difficult due to the reactions of other people, especially the elderly. There is a great lack of information in Lithuania and, although the situation in this country is changing, there is still very little tolerance.

As there is no law in Lithuania allowing gender reassignment and there are no conditions for some medical procedures, gender and documents can only be changed through the courts. Here there is a great shortage of specialists and it is almost impossible to operate.

– What was your path like when trying to exchange documents?

– It took about half a year. Tomas Vytautas Raskevičius helped me. First, she needed to get a diagnosis, medical transcript or exam that she started hormone therapy, as well as a medical certificate that she underwent gender change surgery. I sent him all these documents, I wrote a registration request that I wanted to change my name because the biological gender does not match what I feel I am.

That request is always rejected because there is no law in Lithuania that allows a person to change gender. Then, with that rejection of the registration, you just have to go to court. I didn’t have to be anywhere myself, everything was done with the help of technology. The document exchange process itself, along with the new passport, costs around 500 euros.

The process itself is actually a very, very long wait. I remember getting a message from Tom late at night: “Congratulations! We won the test ”. I even jumped with happiness! He finally confirmed me!

But the greatest joy was when he had already come to take pictures of the new document. I no longer cared that the police women who were in charge of making the passport were not pleasant and gave me crooked looks when they found out that I had changed sex.

Once I had my passport, it was probably one of the most amazing feelings I have ever felt. It seems like everything in my document is finally my real name, last name, gender. It will no longer be necessary to explain why my voice and appearance are different from that of the person written in the passport, there will no longer be unpleasant situations in places where it is necessary to present the document. It was a very big and important step in my life.

– And what changed when you had surgery?

– I had a breast reduction operation in Lithuania. After her, I felt like I finally had the body I wanted. However, I felt completely myself when I changed the documents, and in all the offices where my old name was registered, it was changed. At school, polyclinic, bank. When other people started contacting me and finally considered me who I am: a boy. It is simply a unique feeling.

– How is your life now?

– I live a full life. I’m still learning the hairdressing trade, exams are waiting for me last year, so in the first half of the day I sign up for classes remotely and in the afternoons I usually do what I like. I mainly play sports, I watch movies and series, I try to go for a walk.

When I exchanged documents, I really wanted to find some kind of job where I could interact with people because I like it and I’m doing well, but because of the quarantine it is very difficult. But I’m not really thinking about it, I hope that when the situation improves, I will succeed.

– You found a girl, right?

– Yes, I found a wonderful girl with whom I have been friends for more than three months. We study with her in the same school and we live in the same dormitory. We knew each other before – she saw me when I was unchanged, she didn’t start hormone therapy, they didn’t operate on me. But both she and I had a second half, so we communicated little.

But this year, when we were both alone, we started communicating. I really liked her, she was very beautiful, funny, I even liked her strange style of music. I am very happy with his voice, laughter is everything.

She is very supportive of me, there has never been a single time that she called me by her old name or another pronoun. He often says that I am much more masculine than many men who were born male. I am very happy with her and being around her makes all my negative emotions go away. This is the person with whom I see a future and I would like to start a family.

My other half knew me even before I changed the documents, performed the operation.

– What would you like to wish people living with dysphoria every day, the feeling that this body does not belong to them? How do you overcome your fears and act for your own happiness?

– From my experience I can say that there will be people who will not support, will not understand or make fun, but the most important thing is to understand that this is their problem, they do not accept others. There are also a number of people who are sincerely supportive and rejoicing, so I would advise meeting more transgender people, because when you know that you are not alone it becomes easier.

I want to dare to unfold and be myself at all costs. I sincerely advise you to spit out what you think or what others will say and start fighting for your happiness.