Lithuanian men on parental leave admitted this equates to 2.5 full-time jobs

However, scientists and experts are wary of this trend because not all men who take parental leave stay home with their children and are dedicated to their raising. In most cases, according to experts, the parents remain active in the labor market during the second year and the child continues to be cared for by the mother. And only one in two dads takes a month of paternity leave, according to a press release.

Therefore, the question arises whether the provisions of the recently adopted EU directive on 2 non-transferable months will the period of parental leave be approved and applied in practice in Lithuania?

Scientists are explaining the real causes

In order to delve into the motivations and experiences of modern fathers that encourage them to actively participate in childcare and the obstacles they face, Lithuanian researchers interviewed men who are or have been on paternity leave .

In focus groups and individual conversations, the men said that the experience of the child care period gave them a full range of positive emotions and fun experiences in raising and caring for the child from infancy.

Men identified lack of sleep, abundance of household chores, fatigue and stress as the main challenges and negative experiences in raising young children. The men admitted that this period was an intense and demanding stage for them, that foreign researchers are equivalent to working up to 2.5 full time.

Still, despite the fatigue, the men said that the experience of the childcare period gave them more positive experiences than negative and the absolute majority would repeat it.

It aims to change social norms and create real change in society.

“It has to be said that fathers who were on paternity leave are a kind of ‘bubble’: capable men living in Vilnius, but they may be the target group we focus on as avant-garde to change social norms. It is not necessary make their experience absolute, but it is important to get good and interesting insights, ”says Dr. Expert from the Center for the Development of Equal Opportunities, who led focus groups and individual conversations with parents, Vilana Pilinkaitė Sotirovič.

According to the Ombudsman for Equal Opportunities Agneta Skardžiuvienė, the service cooperates a lot with the Scandinavian partners and they admit that until the introduction of a non-transferable childcare period for both parents of the child, there has been no change in society. And now, in Scandinavian countries, parents who take care of their children have been a common practice for a long time.

For men, the connection with the child is important.

In early fall, during focus groups organized by experts from the Center for Equal Opportunity Development, parents mostly said that the child care period was a positive experience for them, and they greatly appreciated the connection to the child and detachment from the usual routine.

“That time together and that knowledge … I not only raised a child but also a friend,” said one parent.
“That slower pace, approaching its own bubble, has given a lot, and is one of the best solutions,” said the other parent, happy with the change in routine.

The men emphasized that although they experienced physical and psychological challenges during parental leave, they received many emotional benefits that offset the difficulties in raising young children.

“The greatest joy I remember being with a child despite not falling asleep and stained with all kinds of things, but now I think there was joy when a child crawls, bubbles something. There is that joy, and what is bad, a person forgets, ”Dad said in the focus group.

They want to give children more than what they received from their parents.

Several men have spoken of wanting to give their children more than they have received from their parents.

“My choice and desire to make a connection was also determined by the fact that my father was not involved in my education and did not make that connection from the first year. I’ve felt it all my life and now I feel it. He was like a shadow. It feels emotional so I don’t want my son to feel the same way. So I’m trying to make that connection, “Dad said.

Modern men have admitted that foreign men’s travels and experiences no longer allow them to return to their earlier, more limited thinking about parenting.

“It is a challenge for the parents themselves to give what they have not received before to their children now, because you already have the opportunity, you have the knowledge … you have not received it in Lithuania, you have read abroad … you have traveled, you’ve seen examples, “said Dad.

Difficulties raising young children

All parents mentioned the heavy burden of caring for babies.

“Difficulties raising young children is a very important topic and there is little talk about it. And here families need the most help, understanding and support. Because it is often superficially thought that being a dad is fun, fun, pleasant and beautiful, as in the baptismal photos. And indeed it is hard work, which at the same time brings great emotional beauty, “sums up the conversations with the parents. V.Pilinkaitė Sotirovič.

Men identified lack of sleep, abundance of housework, fatigue, and stress as the main challenges and sources of negative experiences during the child care period. The men recognized that the child care period was an intense and demanding period.

“I can’t imagine if I would have to spend all the time, say a week from morning to night with a child or with some small children. I think it’s very difficult emotionally for both a man and a woman, just as it is difficult to work, ”said Dad.

“The most difficult thing was that intensity, psychologically, the fatigue with two children, the constant lack of sleep, because my wife was working, so I would eat at night, get up and go to bed late. I slept at midnight and then got up at 5pm in the morning. Constant lack of sleep, “said another man.

Raising children equals 2.5 full-time equivalents

Parents caring for their children unequivocally recognize that caring for a child creates many household chores that partners have to share with each other.

“Because of the abundance and distribution of work … as well as my wife and I talked about the fact that a study was done to compare and express paternity in working hours. That’s 2.5 full-time positions, ”Dad said with the results of his practice research.

“When it comes to sitting with a child at home, doing nothing is far from the truth. You put the baby to bed, warm up quickly, do something, wash something, look at yourself, get up and need yourself again … that intensity of home, especially with a child under 8-9 months, is so high that sometimes you can’t even take a bath that day, ”said next dad.

“When you are with a child, you do everything. When the wife returns and we are two, then we share,” said some parents.

Easier to care for children with flexible hours

The easiest way to care for a baby was for men whose families, both male and female, worked flexible hours or did not work.

Meanwhile, couples where one of the partners worked full time did not have the possibility of flexible work hours or participated in additional activities (such as studies) with more difficulties, psychological and physical challenges.

Gone are the days when a man had to drag a beast into a cave

Although there are still few examples of good practice from men in Lithuania, according to the researcher, these focus group studies have shown that men’s attitudes are changing significantly.

“Public attitudes towards parents who go out to care for their children have fundamentally changed compared to what they were 10 years ago. He is already more tolerant, understanding and receptive, ”said one man during the study.

“It just came to our knowledge then. 10 years ago, it was strange how you, a man, were going to raise children, because a man has to throw and throw into a cave … those times are over”, the other father is convinced .

I would take parental leave again

Despite the challenges, the vast majority of the men in the focus groups said they would go back on paternity leave because the benefits of this experience outweigh the challenges.

The only parent who said that they would not repeat the experience of the childcare period or that they did not love it at all was a parent raising twins: He has “enough two.”

Men who had been home with their baby for only a month also spoke less enthusiastically: they thought they couldn’t cope with chores alone for long.

Meanwhile, parents with more experience in caring for children reported that this sense of self-confidence diminished as they became more involved in caring for children or in repeating experiences with other children.

“I would repeat this period of childcare and I tend to extend that period because the further away, the easier it is to raise children. The first one is the hardest, and then it starts to get easier … maybe from experience and everything else, ”said one of the men in the parent circle.

Men want more than just worrying about financial well-being

Dr. V.Pilinkaitė Sotirovič says that during the investigation he noticed that the adopted legislation, which encourages fathers to participate in the care of children, will eventually change the attitude of society about the role of men in the family. Parents themselves are becoming more interested and discovering the opportunities the state offers and taking advantage of them.

“However, several of the respondents feared the lack of information that could provide insights into parenting, explain challenges, and encourage active participation in childcare. Emotional experiences revealed by respondents show that the norm of society that men should only take care of the economic well-being of the family is becoming less and less acceptable to men as well, ”concludes Dr. V. Pilinkaitė Sotirovič.