DEAR ABBY: Three months ago, my husband ran into a second cousin that he hadn’t seen in 40 years. They were close for a short time during high school and saw each other a couple of times after that.
Until recently, he did not know that he had searched for her on social networks and had contacted her every day since. I didn’t think about it much when she told me, until one night she stayed on the computer with her until 3 in the morning.
She lied to me about how many times she’s been online with her, and if she calls or texts, she tells me she’s someone else. She sent him photos, which I saw, but he denied receiving them. Once you forgot to sign a message you sent and of course I read it. To my surprise, he was trusting many things he had done while married to me that he was unaware of. It hurt deeply, and I told him so.
I was recently in the hospital. When I called him a couple of times in the evening, he stated that he did not answer because he was “tired”. Later I found out I was on the computer with her.
I have asked him more than once why this relationship is so private, and he says they are just friends. But when I asked him to see some of the things I had written to him, he refused to show me. I said well, then I will ask its. Well he exploded!
When I told her that it hurts me to spend so much time with her at night, she didn’t give an answer. I’m exaggerating? If so, can you tell me how to settle down and deal with what is happening?
Primo trouble in the midwest
DEAR PROBLEM PROBLEM: You are not exaggerating. Time to do what you said you were going to do: Call the woman and ask her what has been going on. After she informs you, ask yourself if you still want to marry a man who has cheated on you emotionally and probably physically.
If you feel there is any hope of saving your marriage, offer your husband the option of seeing a marriage and family therapist together. However, knowing that you have no qualms about lying to them or respecting your feelings, you may prefer to simply consult an attorney about what your next steps should be.
DEAR ABBY: I am an 18 year old woman. My parents are divorced. My father says I should be having fun and I don’t owe anyone an explanation.
My mother, on the other hand, is very strict. I respect your wishes and don’t do what most people my age would do. I try to be very careful what I say in any conversation with her, but it always ends with her anger at me.
I want to live my life or at least try. What should I do?
UNEQUAL TEENAGER IN TEXAS
DEAR TEEN: An 18-year-old must be carefree and participate in self-discovery. But people of all ages are having to curl up and cut down on their social activities these days because their lives might depend on it. And as for not owing explanations to anyone, until you are self-sufficient and on your own, you be you have to be responsible
Her mother may feel insecure because her daughter is now a young adult instead of her little girl who needs protection. She may also be reacting to the “advice” that her father is passing out. You’ll need to figure out what triggers your mother’s anger during those conversations and find a happy medium.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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