DEAR ABBY: I have contacted my first love forever after 30 years.
We have had some encounters over the years. When they happened, we fell back into our comfort zone.
We both have current relationships with others that are not satisfactory. We have both had failed relationships as well. No relationship I’ve ever had compares to the one I have with this man.
He succeeds and buries himself in his work. Although he never says it, I know that in my heart he also has hidden feelings towards me.
This man has had my heart all my life. I never stopped loving him. Do I finally tell him how I feel and risk losing him forever, or should I remain silent and enjoy the encounters we have when they occur?
WANTS IT ALL IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR WANT IT ALL: I think you should finally let this man know how you feel about him. Doing so will allow you to tell him that you feel the same way or prevent you from fantasizing about a relationship that will never happen.
If you’re satisfied with the status quo, it doesn’t necessarily mean that these encounters will end, but at least you will know them for what they are.
DEAR ABBY: My mother has no faith in me, mainly because I have a disability. Although it’s not that bad, she still doesn’t think she can do anything difficult. Even though I’m almost 40 years old, she still tells me what to do and criticizes me in any way she can, including my parenting. I can’t spend a day with her without wanting to go home and hit the walls.
I am very angry inside, and I don’t trust her because she tends to tell her friends or family things that she would rather keep me private. What can I do about this?
IRRITATED IN ILLINOIS
DEAR IRRITATED: If this is any consolation, I receive letters with the same complaint as yours from non-disabled readers. If your children are healthy and well and their mother’s criticism is unfounded, my advice is to tune in to their mother, probably well-intentioned but dominant.
Because she discusses the things you entrust to others, stop telling her what you don’t want to convey. It is easier than trying to stroke it. You might also consider seeing your mother less frequently, which could save your walls and wear on the bat you’re tempted to wear after those encounters.
DEAR ABBY: I would like to propose a new word for general use. It is “wasband”. Definition: man with whom I am no longer married. Reason: “Ex” seems like a pejorative term. I did not want to add that burden to the luggage that our children could have collected.
I have used it since the mid-1990s. I began to think of a new term when I was in a social situation with my wife, his wife, and mutual friends. I bumped into a colleague and was not quick enough to think of a polite term for my ex-husband, so I was only able to present him as “the father of my children”.
I think “wasband” is a less awkward term. What do you think, Abby?
LANGUAGE LOVER IN WASHINGTON
DEAR LOL: I think it is smart The term appears in the Urban Dictionary, and because it started using it so early it shows that it is a smart cookie.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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