The … eternal problem of children of divorced parents



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A law that applies without any change from afar 1983. 93% of court cases in favor of one of the parents – of the mother. Y 4,743 calls to the police in 2019 alone and in Attica alone for violating a judicial communication decision of the non-custodial parent.

In this last term, diligence, the essence of a system that is recognized by almost everyone as anachronistic. The 1983 legislators then attempted to answer a question: Which of the two parents will care for their child if it happens pull apart; Who will the child live with and who will make the decisions for their upbringing? The answer they gave then was “The most appropriate”. And who determined the “most appropriate” was the judge.

“Comparison brings conflict”

“So we often saw the parents insulted in court and the child instrumentalized in the dispute between them or even being called to court to say which parent he wanted to live with.” says in ΑΠΕ – ΜΠΕ the Dimitris Kalapotharakos, its stem ΓΟΝ.ΙΣ, a social care provider for parental equality of the child. “Comparison brings conflict. You realize the trauma. And you understand what happened next.” As in 93% of the cases, the court ruled in favor of the mother, we got to the point where a child does not know his father and a father does not know how his son grows ”. notes. “That law recognized gender equality but not parental equality” complete.

THE Juan K.Today, 48 years old, she experienced such a painful divorce. “When you get married nobody tells you that you are going to get divorced” he says bitterly. “It happened to us from the first year. Meanwhile, we had a son. It became a subject of controversy. It took us many years to realize that everything we did was to his detriment. Today he is 15 years old and we see in his behavior all our mistakes. Fortunately we have reached a level of understanding, now we decide with his mother and I am more present in his life. “Unfortunately, time is not turning back.”

High risk factor

It is a problem that the Hellenic Psychological Society write a text about what organizations like ΓΟΝ.ΙΣ. They say it is the only solution: joint custody of the child or joint custody, as the term has prevailed. SAD experts note that “Modern research as a whole highlights parental separation as a high risk factor for children’s mental health, especially when a troubled relationship precedes or follows.” They also point out that in our country, as in Cyprus, the transfer of exclusive custody of children to one of the parents is usually identified with the transfer to the mother, especially if the child is under 12 years of age.

However, “There is no scientific research that shows that a child will get the best education possible if he only grows up with his mother.”. On the contrary, “Maintaining and strengthening the relationship with both parents is considered a key criterion for a balanced development and an inalienable right of children, based on the decisions of the European Council of Human Rights and the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.”

The loser of the case and the lost tools

This is what they decided to do farming TO. and her husband when their marriage ended. “Our divorce was not easy, after all, no divorce is easy. However, we did not want our children to be deprived of the presence of one or the other. With the help of our lawyers we reached an agreement on how to communicate, while decisions that concern them are made jointly and after discussion. No one is exempt from this process, not even themselves. That was our new family planning “ reports.

In the ten years of its operation, the ΓΟΝ.ΙΣ. has helped approx. 500 pairs to write yours “New family planning” after divorce. “The number seems large but it is not” comments the Dimitris Kalapotharakos. “In Greece, 15,000 marriages are dissolved every year. Of course, not all end up in court. But many of these parents leave unaided. And the loser of the case in the end is the child himself.”

According to Mr. Καλαποθαράκο, nor do the judges have the help they should have in making their decisions. “Our proposal is to make your decision based on reports that will be prepared by experts, psychologists, social workers, etc. Unfortunately, they do not have that tool at their disposal. And that partly explains why in the vast majority of cases they end up handing over custody of the child to the mother ”. complete.

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The numbers – records

The judge ruled in these cases and for the communication of the child with the neglected parent. However, as the data shows, the conflict continued out of court. The “100” received 2,400 calls in 2013 for the refusal to execute the decision of one of the parents and since then this number has been constantly increasing until 2019 when the calls reached 4,743. The data also says that in the first five months of 2020, which includes the first quarantine period, the calls were 2,420.

These data refer to Attica only. And also for the rest of Greece there are no records, it is considered true that this number is much higher in our country as a whole. Therefore, joint care appears to be the cure for the problem, as relevant research shows. According to the Hellenic Psychological Society, recent research on ages 3-5 years has shown how joint care, defined as approximately the same time with each parent, is not associated with more psychological problems / symptoms in young children. “In contrast, in preschool, sole custody of the parents has become a statistically significant predictor of behavioral and emotional problems, compared to joint custody.” declares in its report the ΕΔΕ.

What the research says

But what would this mean in practice? “One solution is for divorced parents to stick together to keep in touch with their children. If this is not possible, then it is better for the child to stay sometimes with one parent and sometimes with the other so as not to lose the contact so necessary for its healthy development “ he says Dimitris Kalapotharakos. “Separation from the father figure to a greater or lesser degree carries risks of incomplete development, provided that interactions with the parent of the opposite sex are minimized” declares for his part the ΕΔΕ in your report.

Research abroad A students of divorced parents have shown that young people, 48%, would prefer to have spent the same time with both parents. Another study says that girls who have a reduced and insufficient relationship with their father after divorce are more likely to be teenagers. having premature sex, high rates of unwanted pregnancy, and illegitimate babies. Additionally, they are less likely to perform poorly in school, drop out of high school, drop out of high school, engage in antisocial and criminal behavior, have low self-esteem, and abuse drugs and alcohol, even if they do not live in communities. poor. Lastly, they have more emotional and psychological problems and are more likely to experience depression, compared to girls who have a close and continuous relationship with their parents after divorce.

The key

So what is left? “The modernization of the legislative framework” responds Mr. Καλαποθαράκος. And in this modernization, the key is the equal time of the child with each parent both on vacation and in their daily life. The other is the establishment of the advisory mediation institution. “The state has now realized the problem. But no more time should be wasted.” is the appeal that makes.

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