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SPIEGEL: Say ah! We finally have you!
Fly: I congratulate. How did you do that?
SPIEGEL: We approach you from behind with a cupped hand and then in a quick movement, anticipating your trajectory …
Fly: I see, I see. The old trick. I condemn your journalistic methods, but I can understand your newsworthiness. He even flatters me a little.
SPIEGEL: You are the fly that landed on the vice president’s head during the television debate between Kamala Harris and Mike Pence and stayed there for two minutes.
Fly: That’s the way it is.
SPIEGEL: Can we use your name …
Fly: I would like to remain anonymous. We don’t get too much attention. I speak from experience. Let’s leave it with Musca.
SPIEGEL: Fly?
Fly: Musca Domestica. Anyone who knows our curiosity and our drive to move can gauge how hard this performance cost me. It was a political statement. And I don’t want my performance to be instrumentalized by the wrong side afterwards.
SPIEGEL: It is not often that a house fly addresses a large readership directly.
Fly: Insects do not usually have much to contribute to human beings. On the contrary. We profit from the shit you build and otherwise we fly our way.
SPIEGEL: His appearance is interpreted as the real world breaking into the political circus. You are not on Facebook, you are not tweeting, you are not a bot or a “fake.”
Fly: I’m small and black, I admit it. But I am real and I am there in all my creative unpredictability. Like the virus, so to speak.
SPIEGEL: They transmit dysentery, typhus, cholera …
Fly: But not Covid-19!
SPIEGEL: Was this concert planned?
Fly: Indeed. I slipped into the garbage can behind the television studio five days ago. The American elections are no longer important to me. I will be dead in five days maximum, but they are crucial for my children, my children’s children and their larvae. Trust me, that’s a lot.
SPIEGEL: Did you follow the debate?
Fly: Very attentive, initially from a spotlight on stage. The dazzling light is very attractive to me. And the vice president’s hair is very white. But that was not the reason for my decision, I want to underline it here. It could have also landed on Kamala Harris’s head. In the end it was a conscious choice.
SPIEGEL: Their timing was really wonderful.
Fly: Yes or? He was circling the two undecided candidates when Mike Pence brought up allegations that the president was biased against minorities. That was my signal.
SPIEGEL: Did you want to ridicule him with the touch of your skull?
Fly: Where are you thinking? I’m a Republican housefly! I wanted to underline the declaration of pennies. I approached at a fairly sharp angle, with 300 wingbeats and a speed of ten feet per second, and landed gently on the vice-presidential crown.
SPIEGEL: That is also a sporting achievement.
Fly: Child’s play. But I like to admit that I immediately felt comfortable in the snow-white dunes of her hair. It smelled of oil from the sebaceous glands, of course, but also of butyric acid, petroleum jelly, and sweat. An irresistible mix, plus the spotlight, the global audience …
SPIEGEL: Didn’t you consider hurting your candidate?
Fly: Which way?
SPIEGEL: To the extent that he looked like an old white man who is already tormented by an ambassador of his own impermanence, by a universal symbol of decay, putrefaction, decay …
Fly: I have to ask a lot!
SPIEGEL: But that’s what it looked like.
Fly: As a representative of a marginalized species, it was not my intention to make Mike Pence look like a zombie. On the other hand. Here it also depends on the intervention position. Flies are not interested in reason or arguments, much less humanity. We can smell who speaks on behalf of Beelzebub, the Lord of the Flies, who is sitting on his right next to the throne of evil.
SPIEGEL: But did it have to be two minutes? Wouldn’t a small scale have been enough?
Fly: A valid objection. I guess human entrepreneurs support their preferred candidates the best they can. With a lot of money, without taking care of your own benefit. As a fly, I don’t have the financial means here, and I can’t deny a certain selfishness.
SPIEGEL: What is your point?
Fly: Well, Mike Pence’s hair is hard as cement. The whole world was watching. It was not easy to find a place and a time to lay all my 300 eggs …
SPIEGEL: Musca Domestica, thank you for this interview.
Fly: Already finished? Now if you would kindly open your fist again.
