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Every year we celebrate that the new year is coming. This we will celebrate
that the old man is gone.
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The new year is approaching and I have not yet decided which pajamas I will wear.
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– Honey, do you know how much is left until the new year?
– I know. There are 150 cams.
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I have smoked the house instead of incense, with cannabis … We have not had a happier vacation!
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I will no longer celebrate the New Year at home! It is not in vain that they say that as you get to know it, so will you.
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– Abe, where will you be on New Years Eve?
“Sir, blow on the machine!”
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– Hello, hello, is it 112? There is a murder in front of block 84! Oh one more! Wow, and one more! God, where did this Kalashnikov come from?
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The new year is like the mother-in-law: you will or not … you welcome it!
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Two retirees are talking:
– This sex is a very good thing!
– And the New Year is even better!
“Why?”
– Because he comes more often.
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British scientists have shown that the New Year is good for health. The more a person celebrates the New Year, the longer he lives.
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– Have you participated in hostilities?
– No, but I celebrated the new year in Pernik …
“You are hired!”
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– Miloo, what do you want me to do for you for the new year?
“It’s the easiest for me.”
“Am I mad at you?”
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A young man is shopping at the supermarket and puts 3 bananas, 6 eggs, and peach juice on the tape. The cashier:
“Wow, boy, you don’t seem to be single.”
– Yes, how did you find out?
– You are very ugly!
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– Honey, you have an erection!
– Don’t touch, this is for the New Year!
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For the New Year: sex under the Christmas tree … In addition to passing the year, this is also acupuncture.
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They ask me: “What did you decide for the New Year?”
I answer: “I decided. Come!”
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Since I had no money for pirates, I threw jars on the terrace last night! Happy New Year!
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January 1st. After a big New Year’s party, the woman says to her husband:
“Help me clean and tidy up a bit.” It is very dirty and messy all over.
– Oh, I can’t! – sighed the man – I’m sick, my head hurts. My hands are not shaking, they are shaking.
– Excellent! So you can easily take off the tablecloths.
***
It’s good that this new year is Thursday, so we can finish on Friday.
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At the liquor store, the salesman wished me a happy New Year’s Eve, as if we wouldn’t see each other at least 5-6 more times until then.
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Millions of women will not celebrate the New Year with their beloved, but will be with their husbands again.
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Kire put little Kircho to bed, kissed him on the forehead and wished him good night. Then, huffing slightly with excitement, she ducked under Peña’s blankets and grabbed her greedily.
“Enough, miskinino, the child has not fallen asleep yet!”
Kire turned the other way, but the dream didn’t catch him. Time passed and he again extended his insistent invitation!
– The child does not sleep and you are in a hurry! Gives you no shame?
Kire turned black and went to the kitchen to get something to drink. He found only one bottle of cheap champagne left over from the New Year, and in one fell swoop the cork broke.
Little Kircho got up from the bed and roaring said to his mother:
– Well, are you satisfied? Because of your stubbornness, Dad shot himself in the kitchen!
***
New year I will drive in psychiatry. I realized it was going to be a crazy party!
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On New Year’s Eve, a boy asks his father:
– Dad, what is Viagra?
“It’s an old pistol bullet, son.”
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I start to study hard Albanian and Turkish and after the new year I am going to Germany.
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– Honey, the new year is coming, we have to clean up and get rid of the old trash!
“I’m not leaving!”
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Now kids want smartphones, Playstations, laptops … And I remember in 1988 I only wanted electricity for the New Year.
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– Where are you going to celebrate the new year?
– We will meet friends on Facebook.
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Between Christmas and New Years I lost 5 kg … space sausage.
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Two drunks talk to each other:
– How was the new year?
“How did it go?”
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– I celebrated this New Year in Hawaii: a beach, tanned girls …
– I was in India – on the back of an elephant, warm and beautiful Indian …
– He and I celebrated the New Year with you at home, but I didn’t smoke!
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“Vanche, bring him the mushroom book and see if this is edible!”
“Enough of the nonsense, Petre!” Every New Year the same nonsense … Zip up your tent and while you help yourself.
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– It will be a long and difficult night, not everyone will live to see the morning …
– Get out of the fridge right away, I told you a thousand times that Elena’s steaks, Russian salad and steak are for New Years!
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The daughter will celebrate the New Year with friends. The mother asks him cautiously:
– Daughter, what are your plans for tonight, how do you plan to celebrate the New Year?
– Alcohol, sex, Russian salad …
– What what?
“I was kidding Mom, where did the Russian salad come from?”
***
Phone call on New Years Eve:
“Hello, the insurance company?” Excuse me, can we secure our house over the phone?
“No, that is impossible.” We will now send you a representative who will sign a contract with you.
“Okay, send it faster, because the tree is already burning and the carpet is starting to smoke.”
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For the third new year I am doing experiments … I did not test sarma before. I have not eaten a single mandarin. This new year I have not touched the Russian salad. And again, I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me on January 1, all day!
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– What do you plan for the new year?
– Well, so far we have specified the date.
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After the New Year:
– What date is it today?
– January 2.
“Was there one first?”
***
Radio Yerevan is asked:
– What is the new year?
The radio responds: “Dinner that becomes breakfast.”
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