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A novice social worker gives a 31-year-old woman the chance to keep her 10th baby
“I hated myself. I was completely confused. Physically and emotionally, I could no longer take care of nine children.” These are the memories of the English Emily, when in 2017 she heard the court decision that she would have to separate from her children for the sake of Three of the youngest have been adopted and the rest have been placed in foster care, the reason being that social services have found systematic neglect by their parents.
“I had no emotion, no feeling. It was like walking unconscious all the time. I started going out, drinking a lot. It was a way of blocking what happened,” the woman told the BBC.
He does not want his identity revealed not only for the nine children he lost, but also for his 10th, which he manages to keep with great effort. This is why the media decided to call her Emily and give her relatives conditional names in their report on the incredible life opportunity they have from a rookie social worker.
James Schutkever is an intern with the Frontline charity, which enables young people in the profession to handle real cases under the supervision of senior colleagues. Last June, he first heard about Emily’s story and offered to judge her case.
The 31-year-old woman has just given birth to her tenth baby from a new partner and by all the rules it must be taken from her, especially since she said during the separation of the previous ones that she could not cope with raising them. However, from her social media archive, James learns that she was the victim of severe domestic violence by her ex-partner, who is the father of her first nine children. After their relationship breaks down, she is left alone to care for them.
“We understand that having nine children is not an easy job, it would be a challenge for all parents. But our concern was that Emily was not committed to the support we offered her,” said social worker Brenda Greig. Service reports said that the children were not well fed, their clothes were dirty, they skipped school, they were often left unattended and they were seen regularly fighting with each other.
James offers to try to gain the trust of Emily and her new partner Alex before making a final decision on what to do with their baby Harry.
“I think that the main problem for parents, when social services begin to assist them, is that they perceive us as something negative. They think we are going to go to their house to catch them in rape and take their children with us. I wanted to change that and show them that I was there to prevent it, ”explains Schutkaver. After the discussion, he has the opportunity to visit Emily and his 4-week-old baby. Her first impressions are that she is a strong-willed and vital woman, willing to care for this child. They are talking about what has changed for her since the separation from her first family.
“In 2017, I was deeply depressed. Then I would not work with you, I would not even let you into my house. I hated my husband, my life, not the children, but myself, because I realized that I could not take care of them, “Emily told him. James is intrigued by the candid way he talks about his current life.
She shares that she is happy, she feels comfortable where she is, she is on good terms with her new partner. “We haven’t fought in a long time. We have some disagreements because sometimes he bothers me with some things, but things are quite different,” explains Emily, emphasizing that she wants to be Harry’s mother and nothing prevents her. She admits that their disputes are mainly due to the consumption of alcohol, they agree that it will no longer be present in their lives.
However, during one of the sudden checks, James sees a bottle in the kitchen, after Emily and Alex take a long time to open it for him. Initially, the man denied having drunk, but several indications suggest that he did. Emily tries to justify that she doesn’t do it often, unlike her ex-husband, who was constantly drunk and hitting her. However, the social worker recorded this incident in her file and explained that it had seriously damaged the trust between them. Two months later, a bigger one follows. The two fight in front of James’s main colleagues. It takes you a long time to figure out what caused your argument and how to proceed. It turns out that Emily is angry that Alex is out of work and has left home without saying where she is going. I have a lot to lose, please don’t mix things up, she yells as James tries to challenge her to talk about whether she is again trapped by a partner who doesn’t respect her feelings. It takes him a while to persuade her to start a course for victims of domestic violence to help her recognize the signs of coercive and controlling behavior. Alex also agrees to attend groups for perpetrators of domestic violence, but begins to skip sessions.
When she finds out, Emily is so disappointed that she kicks him out of the house. Initially, she goes to live with her parents, but quickly realizes that she wants to return to her and their little baby. Also, she has a daughter from a previous relationship, with whom she can only be seen on weekends. Again, a series of meetings with social workers is required, who explain in plain text to the parents that their job is to make sure Harry is safe, not to solve her personal problems and, if they don’t mobilize, to show that they. can. to cope with them, she will take the baby. James once again sets out to build a strategy to save his family. Alex is convinced to go back to the bullies course and visit another one for alcohol problems. After graduating, Emily agrees to be together again, which is very important as there is a 6-month achievement review, which depends on whether your child will stay with them. Surprisingly to many, all the experts involved give positive feedback.
Due to the coronavirus epidemic, James stopped visiting them. They keep in touch via Skype. From their conversations it seems that things are really good, but he understands it for sure when he sees them again in the park. They both sit and chat as Harry tries to take his first steps around him.
3,000 Bulgarian children are separated from their families every year
Every year some 3,000 children in our country leave the family environment, according to data from the Social Assistance Agency. In 2018, for example, more than 2,000 had to be accommodated with family, friends, host family or a specialized institution to protect their life and health. 1058 were abandoned by their parents. Last year, the total number of children who lost the opportunity to grow up in their biological family was roughly the same.
The agency ensures that social workers do not make easy decisions to take a child. To start a procedure, you must receive a signal that you are at risk or have a problem.
They can also refer to the media, but a social worker rechecks all the circumstances. Collect information from all possible sources (parents, relatives, teachers, GP, police, prosecutor, municipality) to assess whether the child is safe.
Taking him out of the family is a last resort, first looking for opportunities to support the birth parents. If the conclusion is that they cannot cope, try to be housed with relatives or close people who would take care of them. Only after that does the placement in a foster family begin.
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