Erica Barnett calls herself an ‘ugly drunk’ – not the kind of alcoholic who would become friendlier and happier with each sip.
‘I would fall down the stairs and get out into people’s houses. I had fallen asleep in the bus and had to wake up at the end of the line and get into verbal fights with people. I was just very uncomfortable, ”Barnett, 42, told TODAY.
‘Most of the narratives you read about women and drinking don’t really underline things like passing it on, overdoing it and just the disease of it. But it’s very real – it happens to women. ”
The Seattle journalist said she missed nearly a decade of life when her problem with alcohol grew out of control in 2007. At the height of her addiction, Barnett drank more than two bottles of wine as a bottle of vodka a day.
She was fired from a job, lost a relationship, lost friends and had a hard time supporting herself because she spent so much money on alcohol, she writes in her new book, “Quitter: A Memoir of Drinking, Relapse, and Recovery . ”
Now, Barnett, who has been sober for five-and-a-half years, looks with concern because many people switch to alcohol as a way to deal with the stress and anxiety of life during the pandemic.
Alcohol sales peaked this spring during the national lockdown. In one survey, 1 in 3 Americans said they were more likely to drink alcohol during work hours while sitting at home. People joked about relying on “quarantinis” to get through the day.
‘I hate the joke-y marketing, the’ Everything’s great, it’s 4 o’clock somewhere. “It drives me crazy,” Barnett said.
“With people drinking so much at the moment, you will see more people seeking treatment and more people falling into addiction.”
She shared what it was like to try to end her addiction and what it took to finally recover
You not only hit a rock bottom and ‘get it’
Barnett: People tend to believe that when someone becomes addicted, it gets worse, they hit rock bottom and then realize they need to get better. Then they do what is necessary and they are better forever.
In reality, at least for me, you hit something that looks like a rock bottom. Maybe you can stop for a while, maybe you don’t, and then you hit another thing that looks like a rock bottom.
When I lost my job, I would definitely have to quit, because that was probably the worst thing that ever happened to me at that point. But I did not and things got worse, and they got a little better and got a little worse.
There will be relapses
Barnett: Decay is not a failure. Alcoholism is a disease of which relapse is a symptom.
I went to cognitive behavioral therapy and an outpatient treatment program. I went to detox about five times, that is when they give you medication to get you through withdrawal and they let you go. I went to traditional 28-day rehab twice.
When I first went into treatment, I returned within about three months. My parents were really disappointed and I was also disappointed in myself because I thought treatment was meant to repair me – and it did not. This story that it is one and the same thing keeps people ashamed and keeps them from trying again.
You can try again right away. People need to know that.
There is no such thing as an alarm clock
Barnett: Most people who have really bad addiction like I had are well aware that they need to stop. You do not have to tell her.
When I finally stopped, it had nothing to do with what happened. It was just literally that I woke up one day and I was ready.
I hear this from so many other alcoholics and addicts – they lived their lives and went feeling happy, and then once they got just that inner motivation to change. I do not know where it comes from, but if you are lucky, it will come.
AA is not for everyone
Barnett: AA was definitely a big part of my sobriety and my recovery, and still is. The thing with Alcoholics Anonymous is it’s important to take what works and leave the rest.
In AA you count your days of day one of sobriety and I think that can be really problematic. You can really feel like a failure if you go to zero every time. That can be a toxic idea, because if you have some amount of sobriety, whether it’s one day, three months or six years, build your tool and you will learn from that experience. You will not lose that knowledge when you return.
Advice for people who want to drink less
Barnett: If you are about to drink as a coping mechanism, it is important to pause and say, “What am I feeling right now, what is causing that feeling and what is another way I can deal with that feeling? ? “
There are tons of people who drink non-problematically and just want to drink less. If you think you have a problem – this is a different category of people – it’s a good idea to say, “I will not drink at all this week or this month” and if you can not – can do not even understand it – then it’s probably a good idea to talk to someone in a professional capacity to see if you need help.
Life on the other hand
Barnett: My life sober is so much better and I’m just so much healthier than when I drank. Even people who have no problem with drinking should experience a bit of that and know themselves without alcohol in the picture.
My brain took a long time to come back, but my health returned physically really fast. I feel again.
