Dear Amy: With knowledge comes broader perspective. I am a person of color. While studying for my Ph.D. in clinical psychology I have realized that many things about my upbringing were wrong.
In light of the social environment at the moment, the actions of one teacher hang heavily in my heart and mind.
In elementary school, we played a game in gymnastics. It was an obstacle course on floor scooters, and we played it in the dark. It was a big hit, and everyone loved it. The problem is that we were going to play it in February, Black History Month, and the game is called The Underground Railroad.
Everyone I call this says how wrong this was. But I remain confused as to why it was allowed in a supposedly progressive community. It minimized what this nation Black people spent, and made it a children’s game. Most people do not understand the profound impact that constant invalidity can have on the psyche.
The teacher who led the game is now teaching American history of high school. I’m afraid he’s continuing to minimize the suffering of people of this nation.
I do not know the most effective way to tackle this. I know it needs to be addressed.
Make change
Dear Making Change: When I was a kid, we played “Cowboys and Indians,” with some really foreign, ignorant (and, I suppose, contemptuous) images of Native Americans. Sure, this game was not used as a learning tool in schools, but I use it as one example of how every generation in this country can look back – and creep into the racism that has protected our culture, ever since the nature of our nation founding.
We only need to look at the pace of awareness and change over the last year or so to realize that we are in the middle of a calculation. It is real and it is painful, and although this change may seem sudden, it has happened in incremental ways over several generations.
I would like to return to Maya Angelou, whose wisdom often appears in this space: ‘I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do it better. ”
You said to yourself so much, “With knowledge comes a broader perspective.”
I think it would be both helpful and helpful if you wrote a letter to your alma mater, and outlined your experience as a student there. You can use this letter to challenge this particular teacher to minimize the experience of slaves escaping by turning it into a game, but – this is obviously a bigger, systemic issue. The “casual” nature of this example makes it unacceptable, but perhaps this teacher has grown over time – along with so many others.
As a scientist, you have a lot to offer to lead this conversation.
Dear Amy: This past month I have been engaged to the love of my life!
With the ongoing COVID crisis happening, and my sister’s health rapidly deteriorating, we’re planning a small ceremony at the end of the summer.
The problem is, my future in-laws don’t seem to understand social distance! I spend time with my sister every day, and although I’m not at high risk, I do need to protect her.
How can I get my shoemakers to understand (without hurting anyone’s feelings) that although I want them to be there to feed us, if they are going to give us hugs, I would rather they stay at home?
Busy and confused
Dear Confused: You should provide all your guests with guidelines on how to manage this happy occasion while minimizing your risks to you alone (as they, of course).
And I hate to be a killjoy, but you and your intended ones should also seriously consider hosting a completely private ceremony (with only you two and clergy), with a larger inclusive celebration that should be held after the biggest health risk is passed on.
I have read too many accounts of benevolent party gatherings that have sometimes developed tragic and heartbreaking outcomes. The risk becomes greater when people travel and do not follow the directions of wearing and distancing themselves from the mask.
Dear Amy: “Neglect,” who was worried about her daughter’s marriage leaving the state, could offer to pay for a videographer to watch the ceremony online for mother and others who are unable to attend in person .
It will not replace the whole experience, but would provide an opportunity to participate.
A reader
Dear Reader: Great suggestion!
You can email Amy Dickinson via [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.
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