Name: Batman.
Age: Born in 1939.
Appearance: A little emo.
Emo? The black knight? The Caped Crusader? Yup. Or rather his alter ego, Bruce Wayne.
Just because he wears a lot of black and stays up late? I assume you did not see the trailer for the last movie in the franchise.
I did not. Who’s in it? Robert Pattinson.
R-Patz is Batman? he is De Batman.
Do you mean that his performance obscures that of all other Batmans, past and future? No, that’s just the name of the movie: The Batman.
And he plays him like an emo? It’s bad to devil from the trailer, but he’s perfectly sporty eyeliner, a vocal glower and a My Chemical Romance fringe.
Eyeliner? On Batman? Apparently most Batmans wear it a bit, making their eyes look more threatening with the cowl, but Bruce Wayne just didn’t let it go for parties and things anymore.
That begs a question: how exactly did bacillionaire socialite Bruce Wayne get through his emo persona? We’ll have to wait and see. The trailer is unforthoming, and the film will not end next year. Some fans have claimed that Wayne has always been emo since he saw his parents die for him.
How are thedo you take the news? The bit of Twitter where emos and Batman lovers overlap is upbeat, but reactions seem to be generally divided between: “I can’t wait !!!” and: “Not under the impression”.
Will not the new emo-backstory of Batman’s already reasonably detailed biography permanently change? Not necessarily. DC Films says The Batman is an independent film with no narrative connection to the DCEU franchise.
I have no idea what that means. DCEU stands for DC Extended Universe, and the film does not have to swim in the same narrative stream as Justice League or Aquaman 2 or even The Joker, because they are all part of a “multiverse”.
That Batman can have eggs for breakfast in one universe and miceli in another? Is that what the multiverse means? “What the multiverse means is we can tell these great stories where we can tell different stories,” says DC Films President Walter Hamada.
Sounds like they just stopped worrying about things that make sense. Ben Affleck and Michael Keaton are both set to transfer their roles as non-emo Batman in the upcoming Flash movie.
But now there will always be a universe in which Batman truly loves Fall Out Boy. To be honest, there’s probably a universe in which Batman is played by Elmo.
Sis: “Leave Everyone Else – Pattinson’s Batman is the definitive article.”
Do not say: “Cheer up love, it may never happen.”
