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Say what you want about Boris Johnson, but it will be drama when the Prime Minister makes his proposals.
However, not as a strong response from the EU.
“WE ARE GOING TO BREACH INTERNATIONAL LAW,” the British government shouted this week, “WE ARE GOING TO BREACH THE DEAL WE MADE WITH THE EU.”
“But what are they doing now out of madness?” Asks a small group of professional European diplomats across the English Channel in well-rehearsed low tones.
“They probably can’t break an agreement that we entered into this year, right at the same time that we sit down and finalize negotiations with them to continue.”
“WE DO IT BECAUSE THE EU THREATENED US WITH FOOD BLOCKS,” shouted Prime Minister Johnson.
“Food block?” Asks one from the other side and some can’t help but smile:
“Is it a thing, does it even exist?”
The Irishman in the group nods bitterly:
“… But don’t let me get into how the British treated us in the 19th century. The most important thing here is that the deal the British intend to break is about food going from Great Britain to Northern Ireland.”
Speaking usually interrupted by Danish, a little impatient:
“Okay, but maybe we should get on with the job. We talked about fishing in the Atlantic.”
“No, but!” Exclaims a French colleague, “we cannot sign a new trade agreement with the British if they threaten to break the agreement we have.”
Everybody is looking at legal service.
“The British have done nothing. Just talk, “says the lawyer,” so we can go on for sure. “
“But we still have to say no!” Exclaims the Spaniard.
“We are faxing an objection to London,” promised the German president. “Don’t expect Merkel or anyone in our government to scoff at responding publicly to that shit. Food block!”
“Can’t we at least send someone to protest?” Asks the Dutchman, whose prime minister likes drama a bit.
So, as low as possible. Send a commissary. Send to Irish Trade Commissioner. “
“He has just resigned,” recalls the Belgian, “the commission has appointed the Slovak as a substitute.”
Perfect, send the Slovak. They will be irritated by bile fever if they don’t even wear a German ”, smiles the Italian.
“Now can we get Boris to agree to most things?”
“Hmmm … then we say … I feel great concern, violations of international agreements are extremely serious …”
“… Refers to paragraph 167…. You know, the dispute resolution that we celebrate in the agreement. In case any of us are not satisfied. “
“Perhaps the Slovakian could take the opportunity to ask if the British intend to continue negotiations with us?”
Of course they do! This show is just for Boris Johnson to show voters how tough he is. Once this is done, you can accept an agreement, you just have to pretend that in the EU we have regressed a lot because we were very afraid of it. “
“Now can we get Boris to agree to most things?”
“Yes. But we are allowed to bite that he will go out to the press and scream again.”
TOTAL WINNINGS. UE and KNOCK-OUT. THE BEST DEAL IN THE WORLD FOR US.
“What if the UK really violates the agreement?” Asks the Swede.
“They certainly will,” says the president. We then take the matter to the dispute resolution mechanism. After three years, a message arrives that they were not allowed to do so. In the meantime, all the affected companies have moved their businesses elsewhere. Can we go back to fishing quotas now? “
