– Until the end of my soul – VG

– There have been so many recessions. All hope for a final answer has taken me through the roof, but now I am much more flattering. In fact, I am no longer hopeful. I would rather have the pleasure of the good news than be disappointed once again, says Torunn Rugaas to VG.

– What gives you good news?

– This means that the case has been solved. When the premiere is shown, I really don’t want to have any more contact with the press. This will be the last of me. Now I have to be able to move on. I have to do something else now, it must be because someone is standing at my door with the final message.

Marianne’s case is one of Norway’s biggest criminal mysteries. After Risør’s six-year-old girl went to the store 340 meters from her home on August 28, 1981, no one has seen her.

For a year and a half, Marianne’s parents have worked closely with the November film about “Mysteriet Marianne,” which premieres on TV 2 on Tuesday.

– It had been a while since I had done something, so I was quite clear that I wanted to contribute. Everything must be tested. Today I can live with what has happened.

Family members have previewed the entire series. Another girl represents Marianne on the screen.

– For me, it is very painful to see exactly those scenes. I’ve felt a lot of depression along the way, and many days have been spent under the duvet, Rugaas admits.

However, it has been therapy for Marianne’s mother to dive back into the matter. There has been a lot that the family did not know.

also read

The children who disappeared

The most demanding were face-to-face television interviews.

– It went straight to my soul – from the day it started. I had to feel those feelings again. That was the hardest, says Rugaas, who was only 18 when she gave birth to Marianne.

He turned 25 two weeks after the disappearance. Rugaas and Marianne’s father, Morten Ziender, had separated, and Rugaas was in a new relationship and the mother of a four-week-old girl when tragedy struck the family.

– I was completely gone the first week, but then I had to stay on my feet whether I wanted to or not. Over the years, I have almost felt jealous of those who have lost a child in other circumstances. Parents who veterinarian what happened and who has a grave to go to. I hope people understand me correctly. The hardest thing is not knowing.

Morten Ziender (66) has told TV 2 that he is still looking for his daughter, who after the advice of the public goes out with the shovel to dig in search of remains.

– It was Morten’s way of working. I have done it in a different way, I aligned myself a lot in the press, I used psychics and other alternative things. But I’ve never used a shovel. Morten and I have complemented each other, thinks Rugaas.

also read

Therefore, you are fascinated by the true crime

Although he has little faith that the case will be solved, Rugaas never completely loses hope.

– That’s why we line up here. Of course I have hope.

Also, you don’t want people to forget.

– I have met many who have not grown up with the case, journalists who have no idea, and where I have to tell the whole story before we can start. But now I am almost 64 years old, so soon I will have to finish myself.

– What is it like to be the mother of the girl who disappeared?

– Many times a day I forget who I am. After the first 20 years, I became more relaxed. It is no longer always a topic in the group of friends. I am two people, Torunn and Marianne’s mother.

Rugaas does not remember who he was before Marianne’s disappearance, what kind of humor he had, for example.

– I’ve lived more with this case than without it. Everything becomes a habit. Time does not heal all wounds, but you learn to live with them. What is the alternative? Would you admit me to a psychiatric ward? Take my life? I have a daughter and a 14 year old granddaughter, who is the dessert of my life. So the alternative of not being able to do more is very bad.

– What do you think happened to Marianne?

– Until now I have never dared to think.

– How much hope do you have that your daughter is alive?

– No one can say one hundred percent for sure that she is dead, that they have killed her. But I’m a realist, so I think maybe that’s what happened. But if there’s a one percent chance that she’s alive, I keep that possibility open.

Rugaas often “talks” to Marianne. He has done this for all the years, but not every day anymore.

– But she’s always on my mind.

It was a few years before Rugaas could feel joy again. She gives all her years of work in the hotel and restaurant industry much of the credit for staying afloat. Also, she travels a lot.

– In relation to many others, I feel good.

On the same day as the series premiere, Rugaas sets off for Rondane with the Inca school, living in a lavvo for almost a week. There is a focus on living in the present and leaving the negative behind.

– I’m very tired now, so it’s good to go out.

In the documentary, journalist and recording director Anne Marte Adolfsen and producer Inger-Lill Persett ask questions about much of the investigative work in the case.

– It’s very good, says Rugaas, who has been very critical of much of the work of the police.