The question not to ask people with a different face – NRK Lifestyle – Tips, tips and insight

Embret Henock Haldammen was born with a “lymphatic malformation,” which means he has large swellings in his jaw. All his life he has received looks and comments.

– There was someone who almost fell into a garbage can because he stared terribly, says Embret.

– Look or ask, what is the best?

– If you stare, you get no response. I want people to ask, answer.

Grethe Søfteland had blood clots on her face when she was trapped in her mother’s uterus during childbirth.

She also prefers to chat, although questions can be direct.

– When people ask, we can have a conversation. Otherwise, they might just be standing there feeling sorry for me. It is unnecessary. I have a good life even though I don’t look like others, says Grethe.

TikTok is building a bridge

Lately, Embret has seen more people make contact. He believes that it is due to the online community «TikTok».

Here he posts funny video clips, some of them on his own.

– Maybe people dare to escape because they have seen me deceiving themselves, says Embret.

Human to look at

Do you look a little extra when you see people who don’t seem “normal”? You’re not alone.

– It’s inherent in humans to notice what’s different, says psychologist Kristin Billaud Feragen at the Center for Rare Diagnoses.

She is the project manager for Ung Face It, a research project and self-help program for young people with different views.

– It can be challenging to lead a normal life when you have an unusual appearance, he says.

He’s watching, so he thinks I’m ugly. I dont like him. ”

The team of psychologists tries to help young people understand that curiosity does not have to be negatively charged.

– Many times we do not know how to relate to what is different. That’s why we often stop at the sight stage, not daring to make contact, he explains.

Don’t ask for this

Curiosity and respect are the best tools to get to know each other better, says the psychologist.

– Make it clear that it’s okay if there’s something they don’t want to tell.

What questions should not be asked?

– “Why has not had surgery” should be avoided.

This question can be skewed, even if you mean well. The person may have already had several surgeries.

– You don’t know how it was for them. This implies that there is something that should be fixed. Rather be interested in who they are, advises the psychologist.

Embret wants to be open because he wants to be the voice of others who dare not speak for themselves.

– You can ask me anything, as long as it’s a genuine question, he says.