– Ari would have said that life must go on.

On the first day of Christmas a year ago, Ari Behn took his own life.

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He was Moss’s bachelor who captured the heart of Princess Märtha Louise in 2002. A cheerful artist and writer who wasn’t afraid to be himself.

But in the end, the 47-year-old could no longer live.

It hurts at christmas

A shattered and shocked family sat down. They knew that Ari was suffering, but they never thought that she would give up.

That’s what mother Marianne Behn and sister Anja Bjørshol say. TV 2 meets them at the Hotell Jeløy Radio facility in Moss a couple of days before Christmas Eve.

Ari enjoyed strolling through this idyllic area overlooking the Oslo Fjord. The mother is used to speaking in public about her son, but this Christmas it hurts.

Even though I knew I was having a hard time, there was something we didn’t think would happen.

Transparency on suicide

Actually, Ari was supposed to be with the family that day last year. But just before he left, his own father found him dead. Survivors have been praised for their outspokenness about suicide. They themselves have chosen to talk about what happened, in order to help other families who are going through the same thing.

Little sister Anja was one of those who spoke during the loud funeral in Oslo Cathedral. In a voice choked with tears, she told him about her brother, who was always by her side. Now she appears on television for the first time to talk about her dear brother.

– It was a shock to all of us. Although I knew I was going through a difficult time, there was something that we did not think would happen at all. He spoke openly about all kinds of scenarios, but to go to that step. I don’t think so, says Anja Bjørshol.

He is a visual artist and now works, among other things, to transmit art and literature to his deceased brother. His mother is sitting next to him.

Good memories

– The last thing we said to each other was on Christmas Eve. “I love you” were the last words we shared. Him and I on the phone, Marianne Behn tells us about her firstborn.

Talk about the void and the lost. About the good memories and the laughs. The sister says that despite being very close to Ari, she has learned a lot about him.

It happened when she had to do research on the Internet in connection with her art.

There are many good things that I did not know.

– I’ve never googled it before. So I never thought of him as a public figure to the point where I have now realized that he is.

– Did you just google it now?

– Yes.

– What did you see then?

– So I somehow saw everything out there. That’s a lot. And there are many beautiful things that I did not know.

– What surprised you the most now that you searched for it on Google?

– Maybe how much it is. And how much has he done. That is what has surprised me the most. How much you have achieved. My children say that the uncle lived twice. He really was an old man when he died because he lived so fully. It’s a comfort that I’ve been able to do so much, says Anja Bjørshol.

– Ari was misunderstood

The mother nods and is proud. This Christmas, find comfort by watching video footage of Ari online. His images and his voice give him an inner peace.

The sister cannot do the same. She says it will be too close for her to hear his voice.

Everyone in the family processes pain in their own way. They tell the life of the colorful father of three children. Maud Angelica’s father, Emma Tallulah and Leah Isadora. The eldest daughter, Maud Angélica, gave an emotional speech in memory of her father during the funeral. Ari had his own style and demeanor, and according to the family, there were some in Norway who didn’t fully understand him.

Ari was an incredibly sincere person, but was misunderstood by many. They thought he was more concerned with the outside, but actually he was more concerned with the inside. Seeing the different personalities in a good way I think was his greatest gift, but it was actually misunderstood, says the sister.

The future man

She believes that Ari experienced adversity at times because he was very little Norwegian. A man who dressed well and dared to be open and sensitive. Both she and her mother think it might be provocative to some.

– I thought he died of cardiac arrest.

– I think he looked a bit like the man of the future. And now it’s much more legitimate to be a little different and dress differently. I think he was way ahead of his time, says Anja.

During the interview, she struggles to hold back tears. She recounts how Ari saw both the big and the little ones in the family. He was present at all times.

His mother calls him the glue of the pack. She is grateful for all the support they have received after Ari’s death. Even strangers have stopped her to give her a hug. When her son was buried in Oslo Cathedral, she was overwhelmed by everyone who had come forward to say goodbye for the last time.

– Must take care of men

The funeral was a powerful experience. It was completely silent.

– There were so many people who were in the church and who were outside. That silence was filled in many ways. And what we heard was the song of the birds and even the horses standing with their heads down. It was a strong moment, really, he says.

After the breakup with Märta Louise in 2016, the family saw Ari Behn gradually deteriorate.

– I knew I was suffering in the end. I think that being a man, and feeling that suddenly you no longer dominate, is a great defeat and a great fall. I think we should all think about that. I want to tell the men that we need to take care of the men out there, says Anja.

Physically degraded

She says that even though Ari was a man who dared to express his feelings in words, in the end it became too much for him. Marianne Behn has worked for many years as a therapist and in psychiatric aftercare.

– One of the things that happened to Ari was that it became very stressful for him after the divorce. He was in great pain, but I certainly wouldn’t say that Ari had a mental illness, as many have come to believe. He also shared it with me just before he left us. Now there are probably some who think I’m mentally ill, but I’m physically devastated, he said.

– Told you that?

– Yes. He did.

Seriousness and laughter

When the mother first heard that Ari was dead, she thought it was the heart and not suicide.

– I thought he died of cardiac arrest. It was the first thing I thought. Because he had such a great degree of exhaustion and that his body had failed. The suicide was a shock, she says.

Between serious conversation, both mother and daughter smile and laugh. Especially when they tell stories about how happy Ari was. About the Christmas dinners he organized and the intense presence he showed even to complete strangers who knew him.

Hope and light

– I must say that the feeling immediately after this happened was one of hopelessness. Really. I have to say that. But now the light and hope have begun to grow in me. I’m very grateful for that.

You imagine your child. That he says he understands that they are afflicted and in pain.

– This is life. But actually I think he would also have said to try to enjoy the beautiful and close. In fact, I think I would have said that. Ari would have said that life must go on.