Ari did not find the balance, neither in his life nor in his head – VG

A few days before taking his own life, he texted his girlfriend with a message full of faith for the future.

In an important interview with A magazine, Ebba Rysst Heilmann talks about how she, like his girlfriend, experienced tragedy.

On December 25, 2019, Ari Behn took his own life: 47 years.

Unprepared

Heilmann wasn’t prepared for what was going to happen on the first day of Christmas, even though she was one of the closest to him lately. The cohabitants talked about everything.

– Ari spoke and I heard him. But I never got the impression that he really wanted to do it, he tells the magazine.

The two of them had been together for three and a half years. When she heard the news about Ari Behn, she was immediately grateful that the family chose to be so open about what had happened.

And while Heilmann knew about Ari’s pain and darkness, he couldn’t imagine this happening.

In a message he sent her a few weeks before Christmas, according to A magazine, he was full of hope, love and faith for the future. He wrote that the two should get along so well that they have a good life ahead of them.

Heilmann says the two spoke openly together, also about suicide. But not the last time before he passed away.

Ari found no balance, not in her life or in her head. I think he felt like he didn’t stretch. Which, of course, made the video an overnight sensation. Because it was a lot and it meant a lot to many. And at the same time he was so terrified of dying, she says in the interview.

# Darkness

In an Instagram post, Heilmann talks about the interview:

“Today, Ari and I are in A magazine. I mean suicide and how difficult it can be to live and be human. About us and how nice my boyfriend was.

I do it for all of you who have lost someone to suicide. For all of you with heavy thoughts that can’t bear to be here anymore. I do it for all of you who will sadly lose someone in the future.

Help is available. You’re not alone. There are many of us who can help and understand. # utavmørket »

– It feels good

Heilmann tells VG that it feels good to talk a bit about pain now.

– When the worst has calmed down a bit. And it makes sense to me, and it seems like for many it means a lot that I have the energy and want to talk about it, he explains and adds that it feels “important and right.”

– Suicide worries many. And it is so complex. I think the more stories that come up, the more you contribute to greater understanding and knowledge in both preventative work, and the work that is left behind is involved in trying to understand that someone doesn’t have the strength to live, he says.

The urn sat

Heilmann was present when those closest to him deposited Aris’s urn at the Our Savior Cemetery in Oslo on Wednesday. The next day, he posted poems on his “Hunsanoe” Instagram page. VG is granted permission to reproduce:

«Now you are there. Completely calm and completely silent. You throw your head to the side a bit, as only you can, and yell hello friend! Now we are! And Ibsen nods reverently and appreciatively as he raises his glass of champagne for you.“, She writes.

Heilmann describes in another way in the poem how “his knuckles turned white when he turned the shaft of the shovel” during the reduction of the urn, which “managed to spread some dirt” even though he thought he was going to vomit .

Because you weren’t going to die. At least not so early. “

Ari Behn’s last resting place is right next to Henrik Ibsen’s resting place.

Heilmann is currently working on a campaign called # Utavmørket. It gives you the strength to work frankly on mental health, grief, and suicide. That is why she, with organizations in the field, is creating this campaign.

– I can hardly bear to insist on the fact that many in the next few days will receive the same message that I received on the first day of Christmas, he says in the interview.

Do you need someone to talk to? You can contact Mental Health at 116 123. You can contact the Red Cross at 80033 321. Kirkens SOS: 22400040.

#kortprosa