Dear Abby: My husband was a drug addict 18 years ago. It was a very difficult time for us; He underwent rehabilitation and we were almost divorced.
Fast-forward: He is doing well and, although we still have problems, he has not used heavy drugs for 17 years. To soothe his discomfort, he has only one occasional drink or CBD oil used.
My sister-in-law told me last week that my sister told our son (who was 17 at the time) about my husband’s drug issue. We always kept quiet about my husband’s past, feeling like we would finally communicate with our son when we were ready.
I’m angry he told her. That should be our choice, not hers. He has violated my trust. There has been a lot of animosity between my husband and my sister in the past, so I’m sure she did.
I am so upset I am afraid that I will explode and destroy Matbar’s relationship with him. Also, for my betrayal my husband would want to deny it. What would you suggest?
Prepared in South Carolina
Dear Dear: If your sister knew you wanted to keep this from your son until he grew up, he betrayed your trust.
Once you have calmed down, talk to him, ask if what you were told is true, and if so, why he would do it. Once you have all the facts, your husband must be told that the cat is out of the bag so you can both decide whether you want to continue the relationship with this sister or not. And because the addiction situation can run in a family, talk to your son about it for a long time.
Dear Abby: She didn’t have the ring ready when my then boyfriend asked me to marry her, but I gladly accepted her offer. We were in our late 20s and have been dating for almost 10 years.
He then took me to a jewelry store so I could choose my tastes and preferences (on a budget). We took a photo of the ring, and he told me he would bring his mother back to the jewelry store with him so he could help with the spirit hegling.
A week later, he told me he had made a purchase and we were both looking forward to our engagement ceremony as we took the next step in our relationship. That day, to my surprise, I didn’t like the ring he put on my finger. However, in front of his family, my family and probably 40 guests, I pretended nothing had happened.
I was not happy at all and told him later, in private that it was not the ring I had chosen. His answer was, his mother thought this would look better (cheaper and tackier) than I like and I behaved excessively.
I told him that if he didn’t buy me, I would appreciate any ring he bought. He teases me when I try to argue with him. Why did he take me and then ignore my opinion? Am I overreacting, Abby?
Food in California
Favorite food: You are not behaving excessively. Your fianc’s mother was very nervous. He obviously reigns over the fool and chooses that occasion to fix himself. Worst of all, it appears that his son values your opinion in you. He apologizes to you.
If this happened recently and you are not yet married to this prize, you should both consider returning to that jeweler. Hopefully, this scenario will not be repeated with the choice of wedding rings.
Written by the beloved Abby Abigail van Buren, also known as Ginny Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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