Well-known coach A.Dzeranov: on Caucasus education and his family model: all my exploits for it | Lifetime

However, on the occasion of Father’s Day, we are not talking to Alan about it. As the man himself opens up, everything he does and has accomplished would not be possible without a harmonious family in which he is happy. So our conversation is about what his followers often don’t see: his most important support team: his wife and three children.

– You are raising three children. Is that the point or are you considering having them more?

– At that time, we considered deciding on a third party, although my wife later admitted that she was determined and only needed my approval. Because she grew up in a family of three and I was single, a commitment as if there were two. But with age and experience, you understand that when the effort to build a harmonious family is fruitful, the number of children is not intimidating.

One of the reasons why we would like to have a fourth child is that our children’s are very good (laughs) Everyone is in excellent health, all stages of growth, from tooth extraction to colic and childhood illnesses, have been applied very easily. Maybe it’s about genetics, maybe the environment, or our own way of life … That’s why we’re thinking now, maybe we need to have another one. Determined, but again we leave the situation to ourselves, so anything can be.

So we are currently raising three children. In our family all names start with the letter A – I am Alan, wife – Agnė, youngest daughter (2.5 years) – Athens, Aurai – almost seven, Asparas recently turned 10. Son’s name – Ossetian, because with my wife we ​​agreed: If the family is born boys, we will call them Ossetian names, for girls the names will be collected by Agnė, but all must begin with the letter A. The names in a sense unite us and strengthen our connection.

– You are very active, visible in society, you have many different projects, plans and enthusiasm to help people change their lifestyle. Does the family have time left and what place does it have in their life?

– None of my ideas, no feat would have been accomplished without the support of the family. The further I go, the more I realize that I do all of this mainly because I have a family. She is the greatest motivation and inspiration to me.

I want to be the toughest father for my daughters, the highest authority for my son, the hero and the “wall” for my wife, so all my activities related to public health, his education, efforts to inspire people to live healthier lives, all for the family.

Having started a family, I was able to realize even my childhood dreams.

Having started a family, I was able to realize even my childhood dreams. For example, I always dreamed of showing on television, and here two years ago, I suddenly received an offer to write a project for an author’s show. Until then, I didn’t know anything about projects, I didn’t even know that it was possible to obtain funding for my activities by writing them. So I wrote the project in two nights and the funding was received. This fall, the “Cheers!” The third season will begin on LRT TV.

I always dreamed of working as a basketball commentator, especially since I played it myself for 21 years, and eight of them professionally. I decided to participate in the national team of commentators and was invited to work in the Lithuanian Basketball League. Now it is my dream to put all my experiences in one book so that others can discover the courage and motivation to pursue their dreams. But that still requires accumulating enough wisdom.

I could hardly have accomplished all of this without my family. My wife has given up on me so much in my life that I can do what I’m doing now that is “wow!” She believed me a lot.

Yes, I am a successful person, I do what I want to do, I have discovered the formula for my happy life and I share it with others, but a big part of this success of mine is my wife, who put a lot of effort into everything, although it does not seem to be So. even finger touched.

– Is it not for nothing that a man’s success depends on the woman next to him?

– In fact, Agne sacrificed her career as a lawyer for her family. She had already started her career, but decided to quit her job as an assistant lawyer and went with me to Denmark for two years, where I played basketball. She trusted me that he loved and cared for her no matter where we were.

I had to put in a lot of effort to gain that trust. We were married a year and three months after our acquaintance, but during that time she left me because she thought she was a girl. After all, I come from the world of sports as well activist, fainuolis, do not hold your tongue behind your teeth.

Finally, she believed and immediately after the wedding we went to Denmark, where our first child started, because she believed again that I too could be a responsible father. Although children seem natural to start a family, a woman always wants to feel safe with her husband, to make sure he is ready to take responsibility for the family. We talked a lot about all this, there was no way, we will try to see what will happen. She made a decision and always told me.

She repeated to me: “I believe in you, you do it, I know that everything will be fine, I know that you will take care of the family.” What do you imagine the motivation for a man? Then you have no other choice, you have to do everything possible to make her beautiful, calm and happy.

After leaving basketball, I entered the job market for a while: I had a job of eight to five, a permanent salary, it was always clear when I would return home. But the time has come when I discovered my vocation.

I was in my 30s when I realized that I was better expressing my energy and qualities when working with people. As sport is an integral part of my life, I decided to take the path of a healthy lifestyle. My wife had to have a lot of faith in me again when the financially unstable phase began.

Although she readily accepted a change in my career path, it certainly wasn’t easy for her in the years when she was alone with two children at home, and finances were not a happy one. But his confidence allowed me to act and develop my energy. And finally he got what he wanted: a more quality relationship, a strong family and a happy father at home who sees his children not only at night before bed.

In the end, she was the man who encouraged continuous improvement in our relationship. She repeated to me that we don’t know much and that we have to keep learning. So this woman not only gave up a lot for me, but also became a teacher in my life.

The recipe for happiness, joy, the good example of our family is precisely that we learn a lot: how to raise children, how to love and care for each other, to understand each other. The family goes through many stages in his life, so we have to constantly change ourselves, building our family relationships so that they are constantly full, colorful, harmonious, so that the feeling of having a strong family gives the joy of living. And all the values ​​and qualities that we appreciate in the family are very well reflected in my social activities.

This woman not only gave up a lot for me, but also became a teacher in my life.

– However, there can be no conflict in the family. Why do they arise in your family?

– For several years, there has been no anger in our family, because we have realized that it is not a way to solve problems. Even if there is a discussion or dispute, it is generally related to external problems. For example, we have a family business: half a year ago we opened a small bakery that my wife dreamed of, because she has been baking bread for 10 years, which is enjoyed by a circle of family and friends.

It is often said that it is wrong to do business with a family member. In part, this is true. Therefore, we need a very good separation of competences. I leave many things to my wife, and I also do the job of assistant and counselor. And when I begin to advise, caring for the common good, there is a bit of controversy. There are staff to talk to, sometimes to express a harsher opinion, to set rules, and my wife is friendly. She does not want to give too much energy to others and leave them to the children and her husband (smiling)

There is also controversy over the education of children. I will not hide, sometimes I don’t raise my voice out of place and at the right time, but I try to be a teacher who explains everything and repeats everything constantly. And my wife is starting to stop, maybe it is not necessary, that is enough … But in reality, I would call these situations not conflictive, but controversial.

In the past 2-3 years, we have had a lot of control over how we talk to each other. In the past, I actually raised my voice more often, because I myself was raised by my father in a more strict and disciplined way.

– Tell me more about how your father raised you?

– In Caucasian culture, parents raise their children strictly, from childhood, very masculine: order, rigor, discipline, aesthetics, a little pedantry. Respect for the elderly is also greatly emphasized. Children are taught to respect another word: if an older person has said something, it is a commandment, sacred. If you have been told to do so, you must do so, even if you do not fully agree with it.

Here I am talking about raising a child. Girls are princesses from birth, they are enveloped in immediate love. The father must love them until they are loved by another person who takes care of them. However, it must be recognized that education laws must adapt to the passage of time and to other cultures.

– How do you treat your daughters?

– I try to create an atmosphere for my daughters where they feel absolutely calm, safe, well equipped and loved. I am not talking about the need to satisfy all your wishes. As for the material aspect, there are always limits: we teach our children to understand what is a lot and a little, what is needed, what is useful and what is not, what is expensive, etc.

We in the family do not support a culture of consumption, so we even consider gifts with children: perhaps this is not necessary, this will be discarded, and this, only for five minutes. Much more important than material things is a connection to the child that would last a lifetime.

Because daughters are of different ages, they have different needs. For my little daughter, like all children under the age of five, all I need is to carry her in my arms, make her fall in love, stretch her out on a mat, lie down on her bed, and then run away or swing her on a swing.

I try to create an atmosphere for my daughters where they feel absolutely calm, safe and loved.

Of course, I definitely hug her several times a day, kiss her before bed and, in the morning, hold her in my hands. Everything. Everything takes 30-40 minutes a day. Everything else is somewhere nearby: to feed, grab a plate, pat your head, invite, teach something, watch a movie together.

A parent’s relationship with a child between the ages of five and twelve is formed through play. The seven-year-old girl already has her own opinion and it is very important that we listen to her: her childhood stories, fantasies, kindergarten adventures, how time passed, what made her sad or what occurred to her.

It is also important for her to hug her several times a day, I tell her that I love her very much, that she is very beautiful and that I am very sure; If someone blows it up, tell Dad everything. It is very important that she feels my care.

The old man needs time, at least 20-25 minutes, when I interact alone with her, doing nothing more than look her in the eye. All the other time together: driving a car, looking out the window together, laughing, eating or entertaining.

– Son, as I understand it, are you raising more strictly?

– My son is gradually entering adolescence, so it is very important that he is a very good friend to him. It is often said that during adolescence, children change, become rebellious as hormones rise. I do not think so.

I think that children grow constantly, mature and always have some problems, but it is very important how much time they spent with them before: playing, being together, communicating, loving, teaching, etc. and. What is your connection? Are you not afraid to communicate with him, are you not afraid to ask him, let him express his opinion, express his emotions, be himself? Are you able to be his friend? If I become his friend, I hope there will be fewer problems in adolescence.

My son is inclined towards academic activities. He is a scholar, very receptive and talented. Five started reading and have now learned to read Russian on their own. Only in that, he is very different from his eldest daughter, who is a very artistic soul. She plays with herself, talks, draws, dreams, she likes to be alone, she is able to create a calm and harmonious environment for herself. Therefore, for this reason alone, we naturally communicate differently with one child and another.

Another thing is that a child has to see his father as an authority, as a friend, as an example, as a man whose opinion he can always trust. The son learns from the father and receives the love of the mother.

We begin to build our relationship by asking ourselves what is male and female nature, male and female energy, and how much each of us has.

And here the daughter does not learn from me and not from the mother, but from the relationship between my wife and me. She watches how I treat her mother and will want to be treated the same in life. Therefore, I often consciously build a relationship with my wife, show her how I love her, hug her, praise her, bring her flowers … By the way, I bring flowers to the three ladies.

When I talk to my daughters, I try not to set the tone at all, and sometimes I say to my son stronger, stronger, and that’s natural because that’s the masculine energy. I am much kinder to my daughters, next time my mother is tougher because she has to give them feminine lessons.

– So is the role of the father and mother in the upbringing of children different, as are the roles of men and women in the family?

– In general, fathers and mothers for children are advocates of family values, authorities, examples. The goal in our family is that the role of Agnė is related to warmth, love, comfort at home, harmony, touches, compassion, comfort. And mine is an example, a guarantor of security, a breadwinner, a leader, an authority, a magician, a solid wall for which you feel safe. But of course these are challenging life lessons.

It has to do with the different masculine and feminine natures, which are a gift of nature and from which we will not escape anywhere, so I believe that harmony in our family is easier to achieve when we accept our nature and act in according to its principles. We begin to build our relationship by asking ourselves what is male and female nature, male and female energy, and how much each of us has. Then it is easier to understand each other.

And in conclusion, about children, as a well-known relationship expert Vaidas Arvasevičius said, we sometimes interfere too much in their lives. They brought all the tools into this world to survive and do many things for themselves (smiling)