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According to the fire, very little is known about asexuality, so those around them, hearing that a girl does not want to have sex, do not understand how this can be and try to convince that sooner or later the desire to have sex will arise. . According to the interlocutor, this is what many asexual people expect, but most of the time the desire for physical closeness does not occur.
“Asexuality is the lack of physical attraction towards other people, regardless of their gender. I have a romantic longing for both women and men and I would love to have a romantic relationship without sex. I don’t feel any physical attraction, I don’t even know what it “looks” or feels like.
I think people know little about it, they think more often that they have a low libido and everything will change later when they find the right partner, so they realize quite late that they are asexual, “he says.
Looking for excuses for not wanting sex
The girl tells herself that she realized quite late that she was asexual, because she was always trying to convince herself that she did not want to have sex because she was still too young for that.
“I only started to feel that something was different around 18-19 years. I realized that my desires and attitudes towards the boys and girls around me are not the same as those I know.
I didn’t want to use Tinder, I didn’t need physical activity. But really, when I was a teenager, I thought, ‘Oh, here is the youth, then that desire will come.’
Fire admits that she has come up with various excuses as to why she doesn’t want to have sex. One of them was that she was to blame for the depression she had been struggling with for a long time:
“I thought depression was to blame because depression can affect libido and often reduce sexual desire. I always “discarded” someone else, but it hasn’t changed regardless of my life circumstances. “
The fire tells us that asexual people tend to have different attitudes towards sex: some do not want to have sex at all or even have a romantic relationship, while others are neutral on the subject and agree to make love to give pleasure. to the other half.
“It just came to our knowledge then. If a person is completely negative about sex, for example, he has experienced some traumatic event in childhood, then it is already more complicated. But if the attitude towards sex is neutral, then it can be found a compromise, ”she says.
The girl reveals that it is not true that all asexual people do not feel any pleasure from having sex. According to her, often when one of the partners is asexual, the partner finds ways to adapt to the needs of both individuals.
“Many asexual people participate in all kinds of role-playing games, psychological games, which can also provide pleasure, but have nothing to do with physical or genital needs. There are many ways to reach a compromise.
That physical pleasure already arises from the action itself, because then the desire arises. When you see a person, you don’t feel any attraction, but when an action happens, it can be a pleasure. “
For a long time he thought that something was wrong with her.
Speaking of her experience, the girl says that she thought for a long time that something was wrong with her, because it bothered her not only to talk about sex, but also intimate scenes in movies or series:
“I really thought something was wrong, because I saw it everywhere in movies and TV series, and if it was a horror movie or something, the two main characters were still” in bed. It was impossible to escape. “
The sister told him that she felt “different”, but also tried to convince Ugna that over time, her physical attraction to others would increase.
“I only told her sister, but she did not understand what it was about, she said: ‘Wait, find the right person and everything will be fine,'” recalls the girl.
Made love to not leave the boy
But over time, according to Ugnė, nothing has changed. At school, the girl says that she has developed a close friendship and felt the desire to be with that person and hug him, but never thought that something else could happen.
“I wanted to hug, to be with that person, but I didn’t want anything else, I didn’t even think about how he looks naked, for example. I want to be with someone else, but I don’t think about pushing him to bed or anything like that. “
While in college, she became friends with a boyfriend who admitted to being asexual. However, he did not want to listen to such speeches and, according to the girl, began to pressure her to have sex. Not wanting the boy to leave her, Ugė succumbed to this pressure.
“The relationship itself was toxic and that man was not the best for me. He said: “You are with me, how can you be asexual? I will show you that you are not, you just have to be with me. “
This time I succumbed to that pressure because I didn’t want that person to leave me, so I decided to “sign” because I didn’t know what to do. I agreed, but it was not fully in “action”. At first, it was like a test for me, “or maybe you will like it?”, afterward, sex was like a check mark in a relationship.
It was for fear that they would not leave me and go with another ”, the interlocutor does not hide, and admits that he often hears that asexual people make love with their other half for the same reason, for fear of leaving them.
The girl says that the relationship with the boyfriend lasted half a year, but in the end the couple continued to turn in different ways. Because Ugnė did not agree to make love as often as he wanted, the boy decided to go to the next one.
“I tried and tried and tried in the relationship itself, but it wasn’t enough for him and he went to see another girl. It was a mismatch between our physical needs, ”says Ugnė.
I don’t know what it means to want to make love
The girl says that her desires and attitude towards sex did not change later and she only became more convinced that she did not feel any physical attraction to either sex.
“Later, in college, as if I saw that he was quite a nice person, but I did not feel anything else like, for example, those around me who said: breastshow I would like to do this or that with him. I don’t know what that desire means ”, smiles the interviewee.
However, the girl does not hide in the future that she wants to have a romantic relationship with a man whose needs would be the same as her:
“I would say right away and show that I am not attracted to him and I am looking for someone who is asexual and does not need any physical needs either.”
However, when it comes to family and children, the girl responds that she is sure that she does not want to have children. However, he says that many asexual couples looking to have children find a way out of this situation.
“I don’t get along very well with children, so I wouldn’t want to have them and I don’t have many health problems. But there are definitely asexual people who want to have children and make love just for the sake of having or adopting them. “
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