Vilija gave birth for the second time almost 20 years later: at this age my mother was already a grandmother Vida

“I would be young, I would give birth to five”

“The birth of a little boy was not only the wish of our husband and I – we also listened to the elder Ugnius, we also spoke with him. It didn’t really happen that I got pregnant and that’s a surprise, “explains the woman.

Ugnius is Vilija’s son from the first marriage. Vilija married her current husband when her firstborn was 15 years old. For three years, the woman and her husband, Diamond, debated whether they were determined to have a child.

“The man wanted the baby from the beginning, he just took that consideration from me: I was wondering if he really wanted the second, and perhaps the most important question was whether he could love both boys equally. It’s not so easy to think back to bed bugs, sleepless nights, meals when the boss is almost 18, so like I said, we all talk about what our family wants to be.

Ugnius always wanted sisters with long black hair, but he dated so much that he got a brother. Vilija Ugnių gave birth to 20 and Joris almost 38. She is now 29 and 11 years old.

“When I look at them now, I think: I would be young, I would give birth to five. Even while waiting for Joris, I never thought my age was right in my twenties when Joris was growing up.

Yes, when I went to the clinic for a checkup, I saw that she was probably the oldest of all pregnant women. In those days, a pregnant older woman was no longer such a common phenomenon. Now everything is different. After all, when I think about it, my mother became a grandmother at the age of 36, and I became a slightly older mother for the second time, ”said V. Tarulienė.

I was a student but I did not take any academic course. Youth does its thing: everything can be borne

He finished his studies with a child in his arms

The woman thinks that 30 years ago, girls were actually more mature to think about motherhood and responsibility than modern youth. “I think we were more hardened. Today’s twentysomethings could hardly cope with parenting concerns, they are weaker and scared by the details, ”says Vilija.

The woman claims that her “hardening” was likely influenced by her family. “I was the youngest, my sister was 10 years old, my brother was 8 years old. I looked after four children: two brothers, two sisters, and worked as a babysitter in the eighth grade after school. It was nothing new to me, I did not feel fear or panic.

Although I gave birth for the first time at 20, I was very happy about motherhood. The pregnancy was not easy, I was constantly in the hospital for the impending premature delivery, but I did not give birth during the session. I was a student but I did not take any academic course. Youth does its thing, everything can be endured ”, recalls the woman.

Vilija formed the family early. After a secondary job on a commercial basis, studying part-time he decided to specialize in commodities. Two years later he had a son, Fire.

“While I was studying, the man took care of the boy. Those times were: blockade, unemployment, we lived only on my maternity benefit. I remember that the members of the group went to eat and I did not. And for what? So I wrote a diploma with my son in my hands and defended him. We had a hard time, but somehow we survived, ”Vilija shares with her memories.

He did not allow his firstborn to go to kindergarten; was transported to Poland.

It was time for Fire to go to kindergarten, but he didn’t like it. “The kindergarten was close to the house, then one time during lunch one of the people came home at night and begged her for pity: ‘Mom, don’t take me to kindergarten anymore.’ bear it more.

During difficult times, I did business: I went to Latvia for a couple of years, from there I transported underwear, and then to Poland: there, with alcohol, cigarettes, back, with meat and household goods, and the child, with me, in the back seat of the car ”, women remember this motherhood.

Now Ugnius has his own small business. Vilija jokes that “a boy was born with a car in his hand.” From a very young age she was interested in cars, through them she became familiar with colors and numbers. Maybe those regular trips to Poland really affected him?

A pack of diapers – for all moms

What was that motherhood like almost 30 years ago? “I remember diapers were expensive. A package was taken to the Prienai pharmacy and we, all the mothers, shared it, so that we could take the child out or take him to the doctor.

When I was raising the Fire, the slightest runny nose seemed to be a terrible disease, and if I had diarrhea, I carried it behind my head when, as it turned out, only my teeth were germinating … Perhaps the child was restless not because of a specific reason, but because I was stressed myself.

He was calmer with Joris, maybe he was more confident, he acted smarter and more confident. Everything was different.

I remember, Ugnius was sick, I had to leave one at home while I was working. And the boy managed to leave the key on the other side of the door … I had to break the door because I couldn’t open it. I’m also climbing the balconies to the second floor … There was all that motherhood when we didn’t have cell phones, and that degree of paranoia was higher in my youth. And there were no such incidents with Jori anymore.

Because of this scarcity in raising Fires, I kept telling myself: when I raise my second child, he will have it all. And had. But now I can confidently say: manual labor is the most expensive. And which of those beautiful loungers? Here perhaps only our, adults, imagination of what is important, here we only want everything beautiful and new, but for children it is not the beds and rattles that are most important, but the love, warmth and closeness of parents. In a word, all that fits into the concept of “family” is security, understanding, listening, support. This is a value, we will not get it even in the most luxurious salons.

Here, Ugnius has already gone to live alone, but our relationship is warm, we know what is happening in the life of the other. When he was a teenager, he had to talk, open up, explain, until 5:30 in the morning … You know, all kinds of love and things like that.

It does not matter that there is lack of sleep, but during those conversations until the morning, both children and parents grow up abruptly, the connection is strengthened when children know that they can say everything and parents try to understand, support. . That’s the family, ”says Vilija.

Graduated from the Institute of International Relations and Political Science

There are also interesting coincidences with the family of Vilija’s husband: the age difference of Diamond’s parents is the same as that of Diamond and Vilija, six years, and her mother-in-law Diamond was born at the same age as William and Diamond. born of Joris.

Although the family has lived without Fire for three years, Joris longs for his brother, always waiting for him to arrive. “Ugnius has authority for Joris, because he knows that he will always help, block and take care of him. The old man’s opinion is very important to the baby.

I don’t think we raise children to work. They must have their lives.

And while growing up, I felt Ugius’s concern: he always offered me a break. When he came back from school, he said, “Mom, I’ll stay with Jory, go for a walk.”

However, I never abused the help offered by Ugnis. Maybe my personal experience made me behave like this? I raised my sister and brother’s children myself, so I didn’t want to pass the burden of my duties on to someone else. I don’t think we raise children to work. They must have their lives.

Are they different siblings? Yes, a lot: Ugnius, as I said, is crazy about cars, and Joris is inclined to work, attends art school – sings, plays guitar, plays piano, participated in the “Music Talent League”, evaluated in international competitions. Joris Fifth, after school, I take him to rehearsals and classes, ”says Vilija about family life.

The woman says that now she just wants a quiet and sedentary “invisible life”, according to her. And the reason is that he participated in political life for 11 years, graduated from the VU Institute of International Relations and Political Sciences (TSPMI).

Vilija is open, politics was a difficult test that taught her a lot: shut up, endure, clean up the dirt and move on. But after an election, Vilija said – I don’t want more – and left.

But that left a mark. “Now I live quietly, as I call it, in hiding. I do well in my close family. What else do you need to be happy? Vilija asks rhetorically.

On the power of love and touch.

It is no coincidence that a woman mentions happiness in the family. “Family is my property, my joy. I feel better with my loved ones and loved ones.

We grew up with such cold children. The parents of that time did not hug us, they did not caress us, they did not kiss us, they did not say how dear, intelligent, proud they are of us. There were times when love and tenderness were seen as weakness. Therefore, that love had to be cultivated in itself. Maybe that’s why I give so much to myself and my children? After all, the family is a fist, everyone sticks together, be it easy or difficult.

I remember that I used to play with my children in a “prison”, when you would tighten a hug and you would not let go, despite the fact that one was caught remembering. The kids liked it like that! .. Even when he was waiting for Jorio, Ugnius was already a teenager, but he still needed that closeness, he ran to get that “prisoner” hug …

I never spoke with my parents about personal things, my experiences, there was not such a close connection. And when they told me that there would be nothing good that I was exaggerating with my children, now I can say: no, I am not exaggerating, I have not had or do not have any problems with children. I enjoy connecting with both of them. Because love works wonders ”, Vilija opens.