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– Is it still possible to live in France? The blog you create speaks for itself. You have a lot of strong emotions, strength, openness. Where it started content creation and sharing your observations on instagram?
– It probably sounds too simple, but I created this account just over two years ago by driving a dog through the woods near the house. I have been using Instagram for several years before, but it was intended for more work purposes and I did not even imagine that it is popular and used in Lithuania as well.
While I was still using my work account, I gradually discovered people I liked, but one day I felt the foolishness of mixing personal opinions with work issues, that’s how the “You can live in France” account was born.
The first idea was to tell the things that were happening in France, but after writing only a few publications I received a lot of criticism that NO, this is not the case in France … Many publications have fallen on this topic because people who they read it is difficult for me to understand that it was just my opinion and it can be of all kinds.
I’m just writing about what I like. And those texts of mine still bother people a lot, but now I like it. And living in France is really possible. And not just to live, but to live very well, which I have been doing for almost six years.
From Ruth’s instagram:
Tits or hair. As you probably already understand from the stories in my survey, I have been very successful in dealing with teasing. And I’ll be out of sight right away: I really don’t think femininity means boobs and hair. But now especially from the beginning.
In France, when speaking in a public place, like a store, it is very popular to say Bonjour madame / Bonjour monsieur, and for me it is really very beautiful and here is one of those really existing myths about France. I only greet this very well with people I know very well because I’m not sure others like it. So what do you put your boobs in here?
Of course, the reality is that my boobs are neither big nor small, but of course they are clear. If I could, I would really shrink and live happily for myself without wearing a bra. But that shaved head of mine is great proof that for women, femininity is hair, and boobs of any size will no longer help here.
Of course, the hair must be longer than 5 cm. And necessarily “feminine” cut. Every day, at least once a day, in a shop, on the street, anywhere, I receive a greeting, Mr Bonjour. And do you know why? Because standards are above everything. Because people never look each other in the face. They look at your hair (and they don’t look at your tits) and decide who you are.
Man or woman? Short hair – man. Long hair – woman. How easy? And there is no need to rotate the brain. Because after thinking a little and realizing that you don’t understand, here is a man or a woman, you are just saying a good day. I voluntarily shave my head because I am so beautiful and, of course, incredibly comfortable, but I don’t want to know how women who have lost hair feel. Not voluntarily And from time to time they hear greetings like me.
Each of us understands that femininity differently. And if femininity is boobs for you, that’s normal, because you probably have reasons for that.
For me, femininity is knowledge. When you know what you want, when you know what you are doing, why you are doing it and you take a firm step towards the goal without going over the others. And neither hair, makeup, nor even the largest breasts will make any woman feminine if you think of chaos.
– One of your stories sounds like this: “how I kidnapped my children“. Tell me, why did the initially seemingly happy relationship turn into a struggle for existence?
– Today, when most things have already been forgotten and when I can see that situation from one side, I think I was too young, too naive, too good. Today, I see that those relationships have been doomed to collapse from day one, but for some reason, for many years, I wanted to preserve those relationships in every possible way.
And when I realized that there would be nothing good, I had no choice but to run. Another reason is that a normal relationship with narcissistic people is not possible. But then he really didn’t know what it was, and he was trapped like thousands of other people.
And it all started in 2014.
There was a drizzle that day. And cold. I was standing at the Vilnius bus station and wondering what to do. He was not alone. With two tubes. One for four and the other for two and a half. I bought tickets, wrote a message to a friend from Kaunas, or I don’t want to spend a few hours with us … on the bus to Berlin. When I went to Kaunas, I immediately bought tickets to Berlin, had coffee with my friend, ate, and my friend assured me a hundred times more that I was behaving well and that everything would be fine. Sooner or later. The bus came, I threw the children and the backpack on the bus and we left.
He was standing at the Vilnius bus station and thinking about what to do. He was not alone. With two tubes. One for four and the other for two and a half.
And the prehistory was such that I left the father of my children about a year before the trip (perhaps an earlier escape) to Berlin. I returned from Vilnius to my hometown, Panevėžys, and found a couple of jobs.
For days she sobbed, the children went to kindergarten, we all tried to live in silence for ourselves. The children’s father was still waiting for me to return to him, my NE never seemed serious enough. He was a terribly busy “businessman”, and the need for children was only because he was the only hope of seeing me.
Once a month I would spend a day or two with them. They bought toys and spent time in game rooms and coffee shops. And I worked for myself and the children to survive, to have something to pay for kindergarten, food, public services …
(You can read Ruth’s full story HERE).
– Can you say today that you were trapped in a toxic relationship? What signs do this emit?
– Oh yes, “toxic” is probably the best word to describe that relationship. Because things happen so slowly, sometimes it is even difficult to understand what is really happening.
Probably the first sign is a lack of respect. Also a constant reminder: “You are a woman and you do your feminine affairs.” You will also always be reminded of what is, the best, the best, the most wonderful, and you are the worst, the most incomprehensible, the most insensitive, the vague and you don’t understand anything about life.
From Ruth’s instagram:
Today, as an adult, I know very well that my character is screwed (my husband is very kindly named here, especially when we talk about children and genetics: D). And I’m definitely not a super easy person with that fucking character of mine.
I am very proud of myself for not even trying and not even wanting to please anyone. Neither her friends, nor her husband, nor strangers here on Instagram. I don’t promise anyone and I would have no stories about me. For that as a calm heart.
And while limitless positivity is very popular these days, even though I have little of it, it’s still a more acceptable reality to me than that of pigeons screaming at the rainbow. I always know very well what I want, and unfortunately, he often puts his foot up for a quick result. And yet that knowledge of mine irritates others so much. Such a feeling that drives me crazy. Since that is not possible, there are all kinds of cosmic laws and experiences.
It really is the way we choose ourselves. And I choose the way I like it.
– How did you meet your current husband? What is your relationship?
– I met my husband in Lithuania, on the birthday of a close friend. I would say that our relationship is healthy. For me, here is probably a better description of the relationship than great.
We support each other, both in labor matters and in daily life. We work in the same place, even though our activities are completely different, and we spend most of our power together. If I see that he is tired, I work for him, if he sees that I need to sleep, I return after a long day of work (his work hours are much longer some days) cooks dinner, helps the children to prepare the homework, does household chores and does all those things the same things as me
When things turn to the police and the courts, there are no friends or loved ones left.
– You have come a long way to be where you are now. It seems that you have been very strong and you were not afraid. What advice would you give to women who are in this situation and have to fight for their children? Who made you stronger in that fight and what disappointed you?
– First of all, it must be understood that you will have to be alone in this fight. Because even a best friend will not help here and will not understand. This is simply the case when things turn to the police and the courts, neither friends nor loved ones remain.
In the most likely case, the system will disappoint because it is not designed to help a person, the system is designed to enforce the law. The consistency and recording of events will be of great help. Because to separate or separate children from a parent, you will need proof of why you should do it, and you will need to prove each fact you name.
Personally, I felt strengthened in that fight by the feeling that one day I could behave as I wanted.
From Ruth’s instagram:
I often think about what I should teach my children, and I usually stop at one, so that they feel good when I die. And it doesn’t matter at all if it will be five or thirty-five. I know that sounds scary, but that’s the reality. I want to emphasize that I am not talking here about the death of children, I am not talking about the death of other people close to me, but I am talking about the death of one of the parents.
<...> I would very much like it to happen one day for my children to change that stage of life and move on. No, no, that does not mean I will be forgotten forever. That means they would feel solid without me or my husband. Feeling good with others and among others. To feel safe with what you have already learned in life. To find peace in everyday life and be able to move on with a smile.
I believe that when we lose a loved one, we cry because we feel sorry for ourselves because we cannot live without that person. I want my children to read H.Hesse when they read that their mother was crazy and that they like H.Hesse as much as possible: D
I want them to think of me when they bake an apple pie and make sure to add some calvados to the dough, and when they eat banana muffins they think they are love because the muffins are really love after all. Since I don’t eat banana cakes, I bake them just because they like them.
I want them to celebrate life and freedom when they think of me. And run away from happiness taking a good photo, learning something new, eating delicious food.
I want you to understand that everything comes and goes. And know that some things are worth keeping and that others are better to run, but don’t forget.
– TWhat is France and the French? What observations can you make? I wonder if you dreamed of living there, or maybe you have a completely different dream country.
– Unequivocally – the French are very polite. Everywhere and always. The French are a pretty cold nation, and finding friends here is really difficult. But once you find it, it really is for a long time.
What France is like, I cannot say because I have traveled very little here, but Normandy is very rainy, very green, with a rich history. I am in love with our homes and if they could move somewhere else I could also live in another country.
And more seriously, our whole life takes place here, the children (they still have a son together with her husband, aut.) They go to school, their friends here. We have a family business and favorite activities. Grandparents and great-grandparents live nearby, what else could a great life need?
– You write that you are crazy about zero waste. What does this mean to you and how does it apply to your daily life?
– Zero waste The principles have followed me since my childhood. Mom taught us not to throw things away, to use unnecessary old things in a different way, and that each day will find its purpose. These things like compost, buying clothes at a used clothing store, sorting waste, repairing and sewing old clothes, and many other simple things have always been my routine.
One of the biggest steps in our family was the composting toilet. In the summer, we grow our vegetables, dream of our own electricity, a water well, and a rainwater filter. But these bigger steps take time and investment.
From Ruth’s instagram:
The best thing that has happened in the past few weeks is that you download all the work from home. Well, except for the compass, but all the sewing stuff stayed in the studio. And I really live calmer. Oh, and I go to bed at normal hours.
Well normal for me. I still had the idea today that having my own business, it’s a lot of fun to start looking forward to Christmas starting in June, because that’s when I think of my online shopping strategy for Christmas, well, to keep customers happy, and that I wouldn’t go crazy.
And this weekend is fun, because you need to order Christmas products for the store. This is where those products are actually chocolate. And it’s a lot of fun for me to think now about what kind of chocolate customers will want.
– Tell us how you started sewing and what you like to create the most. As I understand it, not only sew, but also update things, clothes, thus contributing to zero waste?
– I learned to sew from my mother when I was a teenager. Later, she wanted exclusive clothes, and she still used the sewing machine at home. I started sewing every day when my first child was born because I needed money, and sewing was the work I could do from home.
My first jobs were more massive: various bags, pillowcases, and similar embroidery with no fuss. Over time, I learned more and more, and currently I have my own online store that sells carnival costumes.
I also have a sewing studio where I change clothes and teach classes for people who want to learn to sew. I have very little time to recycle clothes at the moment, but my favorites are the old woven shirts, from which I make rugs or bags, from the shirts of the old sewn dresses, from the old sweaters I make the rugs or the bedspreads.
And my favorite garment to recycle is jeans. I sew jackets, dresses, home textiles and wax tarps with old jeans. They are perfect for wrapping reusable food (how to make wax films, you can read HERE).
– It seems like you’re moving at a slow pace (slow life) and you are in complete harmony with yourself and the world around you.
– I would like to say that slow life I came up with the marketing ass, but I have to admit that our family life is very different from that of others.
We spend a lot of time at home. We love our houses very much, although they are very small, but in the summer a fairly large garden repurchases those small spaces. We have our own garden and the best place for children to play is the forest.
I’m still a long way from being in harmony with myself because I’m too young and with too many principles for that, but I really like my life, I don’t even think I want to change anything just to achieve someone else’s imagined goals.
From Ruth’s instagram:
Persons. Handsome people. All kinds of stories happen to me all the time. And some of those stories are with people.
As soon as I came back after the holidays, I found an email. A letter from such a woman. Who found my contacts in the festival brochure and is eager to meet them. Well, and on top of all that, his cabin is a few miles from my house.
A couple of days later, Veronique (Veronik) was already sitting in my place and we whispered like acquaintances forever. I told her how to sew old jeans jackets, and she told me how to dye fabrics with plants, we were still talking about India, where she lived for eight years, about how she worked as a journalist, about my children, about jams and about life anyway. . .
It should probably be mentioned that he is about 65 years old. Or maybe even more, I don’t know how many, but nobody asks women what their age is.
Less than a year ago, a couple settled in a nearby house. Well, we said they won’t be here for long, because the reality of the field often overwhelms everyone. It turns out that those patient people have moved. And here tonight they were sitting in our seats, telling different stories, all eating together, drinking wine, laughing, and I thought, blemba, it’s good that he’s old enough today, and that it doesn’t matter how old his friends are.
And how good it is to know why I am and for whom I live, why I do certain things and why I screw certain things, I thought about how good it is to stop playing and not surrender to this massive psychosis to pursue anything in life.
As we were driving to the store today, we started talking about the Dalai Lama. And my husband says in a calm voice that he has seen it. Obviously I didn’t believe it because they never told me, although we talk about religions quite often.
What is the Dalai Lama here for? He was very caught up in the thought he said about not being able to go to Tibet, but he dreams of it and that is enough for him. And then you realize how involved you really are in that fancy life, career, school, style, fashion, money and other fancy stuff.
And it would really be enough to dream and enjoy. For small moments.
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