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“When the relationship was broken, the children’s place of residence was declared with their father, such condition was raised by the former partner when signing the peace agreement. According to her, the minor children live with their father for a month and with her mother for a month. June was just my father’s month, but on a symbolic date, June 1, I received a message from my daughter that Dad hit her 10-year-old younger brother, now with pain and crying Dad allegedly hit by the fact that the boy dropped a flower that, according to his daughter, he did not even touch.
Since the children went to school that day, I wrote a message to the son’s teachers, informed him that he had experienced domestic violence, and asked him to report to the relevant services. The teacher assured that the boy was happy at school and had no external signs of violence. However, I persuaded a specialist to speak to him, and eventually we both agreed with the social educator that we would report the incident to child rights professionals. That’s what I did, “the woman began her story.
Uncomfortable mother: asks too many questions
The specialists reacted quickly: at night they arrived at the children’s father’s house and interviewed them, who confirmed the case of violence and expressed their desire to return to their mother.
“They called me, my spouse is not home, I don’t have a car, I take buses to the children’s father’s house, the officials call, they call me … Finally we brought the children back, we interviewed them again, the children confirmed again that they want to live with me and that agrees very well with my spouse. The father initially tried to contact the children, coming to our house demanding that they go out to speak, trying to enter the stairs. As the children were so afraid that they were they would take by force, I called the police and wrote a statement.
Fotolia photo / mom with daughter
However, what surprised me most was that the child rights officers left us children and left without explaining anything at first. What are our responsibilities and rights? What do we have to do now? As legal representatives and doing what you want, you can take your children and grandparents wherever you want. Then there is silence. On the fourth day, I did not hesitate to ask myself what was happening with this case and what awaited our family in general. In June, we had planned home repairs, everything was translated and unearthed. Of course, there are funds for child support, but our budget lines have been organized differently this month. Finally, what can we answer for the same father of children who broke the door with us?
After my letter, a specialist called and said, “You are asking many questions.” What does it mean a lot? As much as I get them, I ask. Then I was invited to the section to ask questions. I thought that it was only necessary to clarify the details, and it turned out that they knew nothing, neither about the children nor about the event. Everything had to be counted again, even though all the necessary documents had been sent a week ago. When asked where the children are now, I replied that they are in a safe place. After my father returned home, we took them with their grandparents. The specialist’s reaction hit me: “Did you hide the children and came to confess?” Continued the interlocutor.
The child rights officers left us children and left without explaining anything.
According to Danute, he also had to retell the peace agreement with the children’s father, although it only took 1.5 pages and the specialist could have read it in advance. I was also surprised by the specialist’s question when he discovered that when a woman starts a new family, the children’s father does not communicate with her: “And when a child needs to buy shoes, how then?”
“How much do those shoes cost me to negotiate with my father about them? If I see that a child needs shoes, I buy them. Especially since they didn’t even ask me what I was doing in life. I understood from the questions that I am considered silly, ”Danutė was surprised by the questions.
After the survey: a confusing conclusion from the specialist
The conclusion received a week later surprised the active mother. She learned from her that she had no mothering skills because she was not communicating with her former spouse about the children, but she allegedly spoke to her daughter about issues that did not correspond to the child’s maturity, as she was discussing a court settlement.
“I provided the Child Rights and Adoption Service with a copy of the correspondence with my daughter, in which she reported violence against her brother. My daughter asked if the children could just leave the father’s house and stop communicating with him, and I replied that this was not possible as it would be a breach of a court-approved contract. The boy is 12 years old and mature, so I explained to him that way. And how did the specialist who wrote the conclusion determine the child’s maturity? He has not even seen it live, the maturity evaluated from some fragments of correspondence. This correspondence is that the mother’s communication with the child is the best for the child.
And the best thing is that whenever it was necessary to indicate who the children live with during the months of our stay together, it is stated that “the mother’s coexistence lives together.” And so three times. Is it a desire to “grind” at all costs? Let’s say someone didn’t hear me call my husband’s wife, but our last names are the same! “The interlocutor said.
Vida Press / Balance Photo
Waiting for the aid plan to follow
Today, her non-violent family where children want to be and feel good is assigned a case manager and social worker. So after asking for help, his family, the woman guesses, is likely to be added to the list of troubled families. Curiously, everyone is only interested in her, and her current spouse, with whom the children live for half a year, does not care about professionals.
“And that is called family management? Therefore, we will go with the husband to the case management meeting, during which we will be offered a plan that we will have to review, accept, sign and execute. We decided because we feel familiar. both legally and psychologically, although only I am invited, “said the woman.
We got a lot of difficult childhood experiences, we turned to the state for help, but instead of providing it, it just made life more difficult for us.
Admittedly, she was glad that the social worker helped find psychologists who could see her children at the time. Otherwise, it would have been necessary to look for private professionals whose services would be paid by the interlocutor’s family, who, incidentally, are not entitled to the children’s money, even in the months in which the children live with it. The child’s money is paid by law to the parent with whom the child’s place of residence has been declared. Until there is a court decision determining that the children’s father is guilty of violence against minor children, payment of the child’s money to him is not suspended, and such investigations can take up to a year or two.
“Until a long-term solution is made, we are in complete ignorance. We cannot plan vacations because there are two court dates that we do not yet know. Children must be taken to psychologists because they have really suffered trauma: it is not easy to talk about his father’s bad deeds.
So we got a lot of difficult childhood experiences, we turned to the state for help, but instead of providing it, it just made life more difficult for us. In fact, no one delves into what kind of family we are, what kind of people we are. No one asked me where I work, for what job or where I live, “summarized the interlocutor.
Rather than helping, is the family surrounded by responsibilities?
Edita Raščiauskaitė-Morkūnienė, director of the Vardan Family Association, said there are many similar cases. In this way, most of them are related to the divorce of the parents, where there is no agreement on the raising of children, there is no division of the children, etc.
“When one of the parties turns to specialists for the protection of the rights of the child, in fact, instead of help, they only receive many obligations to attend various courses, which the family may not need at all, but not even they are allowed to choose them on purpose. Here’s the classic situation. Parents disagree on one thing or another and start manipulating their children. One of them, looking for help and to solve the problem, turns to specialists in child protection in good faith, but after a while he asks for our help, so that we can “separate” those specialists from him sooner.
Even if you have not received what you need, the family still has to fight for the protection of child rights specialists.
The family is assigned case management and is regularly visited by social workers. Even if you have not received what you need, the family still has to fight for the protection of child rights specialists. Would you be happy if you were checked, even if you are a normal family and have nothing to fear? You are still starting to feel like a poor mother. You know, even young children get into the fridge, they even count how many diapers they have. Furthermore, it is often the case that the social worker is still a child and comes to teach how to raise children, ”said the interviewee.
According to her, the strangest thing is that the family is involved in two different and unrelated institutions. When the Service for the Protection and Adoption of the Rights of the Child presents its conclusion, its work ends. Then case managers get involved and it really happens when they don’t even follow the recommendations of child rights professionals.
“Their goal is to absorb as much money as possible, so parents should be assigned as many courses and services as possible.” And a family screwed into this whole circle can no longer ignore the instructions for services. Although considered a recommendation only, if parents do not follow this recommendation, the aid plan continues. So, for everything to end as soon as possible, it is 100% necessary. to fulfill a designated aid plan, which I call a commitment plan.
Photo from 123RF.com/Family
And for the family to really get help, it would help them organize certain documents, take the child to a psychologist, if the mother is unable, provide food, if the family is private, it is not. For example, it is stated that children must attend an educational institution and that there are no places in kindergartens. A social worker, as a representative of the municipality, could certainly find it easier for the child to find a place in a kindergarten, but the mother has to do it herself. That point is included in the aid plan and is already called aid provision, ”taught E.Raščiauskaitė-Morkūnienė.
According to the interlocutor, even if the possible violence against children, as in this case, took place outside the mother’s home, it is treated as domestic violence, so the mother comes first and her living environment is evaluated. And she’s overwhelmed with so many commitments meant to teach her how to be a mother, even though it has nothing to do with violence, that she will eventually pray to the gods for it all to end and regret asking for help.
That is why, in his opinion, there is great mistrust in services: all situations are resolved not from the human side, but from the system, in which only one case remains instead of a specific person.
Explanation of specialists in child protection.
According to the Service for the Protection and Adoption of the Rights of the Child, in the event of notification of a possible violation of the rights of the child, child protection specialists communicate (if possible, they meet, if there is no opportunity to meet, communicate by electronic means) with the child, the child’s representatives in accordance with the law. Both parents participate in creating a safe and child-friendly environment because, although they do not live together, unless the parents’ rights are restricted, they both have the same rights and responsibilities regarding the child. So while all the family members are involved, they all interact because they want to help the child and his parents.
Children always communicate with them, as long as the child is old and healthy enough, agree to speak. The child’s opinion, his thoughts are very important. If, for objective reasons, it is not possible to hear the child’s views on the situation regarding possible violations of the rights of the child, the child’s situation will be assessed without consultation to ensure a safe environment and to start assistance as soon as possible.
If the child’s parents live in a unit, the provision of assistance to families is generally organized separately (case management meetings) separately, especially in cases of domestic violence, at the discretion of the case manager to ensure the protection of Personal information.
Specialists for the protection of the rights of the child, if the family needs to assess the need for assistance for the child and / or the family, participate minimally in the case management process, not in all case management meetings, because the family provides assistance and service specialists. Specialists from the Division for the Protection of Children’s Rights communicate with the family if consultations are required (upon request), if they receive a report of a possible violation of the rights of the child or in other cases.
Both parents are involved in creating a safe and child-friendly environment: although they do not live together, they both have the same rights and responsibilities regarding the child.
If the need for child protection is identified, in such cases, the Office’s territorial division mobile team works with the family, and child rights specialists participate more frequently in case management meetings. In other words, the extent to which child rights professionals actively participate in the family support process does not depend on whether the child’s parents live in a neighborhood, but on the complexity of the situation.
In cases where child rights professionals identify risk factors related to parenting skills, etc., case management begins, whose specialists make a more detailed assessment of family support and make appropriate decisions about specific aid organization.
It should be noted that parents seeking the best possible education for the child, allowing the child to attend various clubs, and otherwise care may lack knowledge about the peculiarities of development, which also affects the rights and the best interests of the child or violates the rights of the child.
Upon receiving a report of a possible violation of the rights of the child, the specialists of the protection of the rights of the child, when evaluating the situation of the child, evaluating the risk factors and evaluating the absence of protective factors that minimize or eliminate the risk factor’s. Once protective factors have been identified, depending on their role in risk factors, a decision can be made to close the report, assess the need for child or family assistance, or identify the need for child protection.
“Specialists in the protection of children’s rights often face the negative reaction of the child’s parents to the determination of the need for help, deny it, get angry.” It is also often heard that a family is not a social risk, so no help is needed for that family.
It must be said that even if the need for help is identified, it is not a prayer for the family, it should not be a shame to get professional help, because its goal is for the child’s parents to acquire skills, learn or deepen the knowledge that will guarantee the rights and best interests of your children. Mental health professionals point out that negative childhood experiences increase drugs, smoking, suicidal behavior, etc. risks ”, says the explanation of the current procedure after receiving a notification of violations of the rights of the child.
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