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The interview time is in the first half of the day. Probably, Neringa tingles every minute with delayed work, but she gives me a drink. This young woman is strengthened knowing that Lithuania, which has such families, has been awarded. This is what Neringa likes to say about her fifteen-year-old mother’s career.
– What is motherhood for you?
– It is quite an experience, a pot full of everything: family experiences, discoveries, joyful and not very emotional, frustrations with yourself as a mother and, of course, pride in yourself, after overcoming some daily difficulties. For me, motherhood is like a river, which flows constantly, a calmer day, and the next, you see, flows towards madness. The most vibrant is its medium, here the flow is strong, deep, but at the same time calm, it does not break on shallow coasts.
Society is not very merciful to many children: it seems that you lose the right to say that it is difficult for you, because it is your choice. So I’m not complaining.
When you have been sailing on this river for so many years, there is a need for other channels, into which the thoughts that accumulate in the mind could flow. This is how the blog “Mom with a smile in your pocket” hit me. It became a kind of challenge because I didn’t want my maternal and feminine dignity or, worse yet, my sincerity to sink into that torrent of words. They did not want to represent motherhood, wrapped in a layer of drama and tragedy, but neither did they want to paint it with a saliva that continued from the sweetness.
For me, motherhood is what creates. And I created myself as a mother with a smile in my pocket. Once you have that smile, you can take it out whenever you want. Especially when a hard day, which takes away your strength, puts you on the carousel of everyday life, directs an opaque gaze towards the ceiling or completely closes your ears … Then you can feel completely helpless or take a smile out of your pocket. On my blog, I just wanted to share the discoveries without tutorials or sermons. How nice when those ideas are useful to other moms. 2.5 thousand for the followers of the great influencers is a ridiculous number, but for me it is a joy and a responsibility.
– Is there a very long distance between you, the mother of another child and between you, the mother of five children?
– Of course, great. It is only important to wait for the first child to the smallest detail: prepare yourself, at home. While waiting for the fifth, the coming creature becomes more important, not what kind of stroller or crib will put it in, what clothes it will wear. The more children, the simpler the material cares. Begin to understand why you don’t worry too much, what things are not worth carrying, there is less anxiety for every little thing.
I remember when I was overwhelmed with my firstborn, I was quick to call our doctor, “What to do? Don’t suffocate!” When there is no experience, everything is scary, and where else is the desire that the child put all the best under his feet? Here, the first-born, just two years old, was already playing on the construction site, being transported in groups. He later realized that it is much more important to let children play freely or experience the simplest boredom. Growing up together, they have many opportunities to develop a variety of activities, learn to communicate, resolve conflicts, negotiate solutions that are beneficial to one or the other. With each child, an inner voice begins to sound louder, a maternal intuition that I believe can be trusted.
– And what does your intuition suggest to protect the health of your family?
– I’m not crazy about a healthy lifestyle, but in general, I try to find healthier alternatives. Protecting my health and that of my family cannot escape a holistic approach. A healthy soul must live in a healthy home. Freud has said that the most important thing in a person’s life is love and work. Probably nobody has doubts about the miracles captured by love, and here it is about work … I treat it my way. After all, for the body to stay healthy, it needs physical exertion, for the mind to stay sharp, it must participate in thought training, and for the spirit not to constrict, it must be employed with a wide variety of emotions and feelings. And where else to practice, calm the storm of the soul.
– We have long been concerned about the dangers of coronavirus and other infectious diseases. Do you vaccinate your children to protect them?
– When the vaccine wounds started, I tried to delve into the situation, looking for reliable information. The decision was unequivocal: we vaccinated the children. This decision was greatly influenced by our esteemed pediatrician, who told us about difficult cases during his practice in which people’s lives were paralyzed because they did not have the opportunity to be vaccinated. Life goes on, medicine goes on, and if we can control disease, we have to. Today I have no doubt that many would like coronavirus vaccines to be invented as soon as possible.
Waiting for the first child to the smallest detail is important: prepare yourself at home. While waiting for the fifth, the coming creature becomes more important, not what kind of stroller or crib will put it in, what clothes it will wear.
– Have you had any serious health tests? I mean your whole family of seven.
– As a mother of a large family (as many mothers with big children would probably say), I have not allowed myself to exercise my right to be sick for a long time, because who will take care of everyone? Those forces were so mobilized that it was enough to return one day when I fell ill. And so it went on for a long time, until I had a serious illness a couple of years ago. It took even a couple of weeks for him to be hospitalized. Then I realized that there are no iron people, you must listen to the signals sent by the body and let yourself rest. And I am happy with the family: I have not had to endure serious health challenges. When someone asks me how we follow him, I always answer: as long as he is healthy, he is fine!
– And where does the mother find refreshment for the soul with a smile in her pocket?
– It is very important for me to maintain inner peace and not get caught in various situations in life. Of course, it happens that I fall from my nose to the ground, due to fatigue or an influx of various emotions. In such cases, it is very important to calm the spirit. Daily prayer helps me. It is my ritual to start the day after living it. It is not for nothing that children call me a gift (laughs). I really like immersing myself in the world of books. Currently it is scientific literature because I am studying.
– What else are you studying because you already have an education in economics, previously you worked as a manager?
– It is said that motherhood in a woman opens the sources of change, initiates transformations and, if you let yourself be carried away by that magic wave, you can experience all kinds of events. I allowed myself to be carried away by that current. I realized that I didn’t want to go back to my old jobs (I graduated in economics and administration).
Raising children has refined a new vocation, in which I have immersed myself: I have been studying psychology at the University of Vilnius for the third consecutive year. I myself am not surprised by my inner motivation and enthusiasm for learning again. I understand that many people speak of a long maternity break in their career as a threat, I try to see new opportunities here.
At the end of the official maternity leave, my husband and I had to decide how our family life would continue to flow. Seriously, we decided that it would be too difficult for me to combine caring for a large family with a full-time job. We agreed that the time had come and the financial investment in my professional future. So, currently I am combining studies and family, I am preparing very intensely to become a psychologist. I am more interested in child and family psychology.
– Is the acquired knowledge already useful?
– I try a lot to sift the theoretical knowledge through the practice sieve, and test the acquired practice through theoretical ideas. There comes a time when realizing that there is no absolute truth is just someone’s discovery, not 100 percent. existing laws and a multitude of paths to choose from. Help me.
– Conflicts occur in all families: spouses, parents and children, children. What are the dispute resolution rules in your home?
– Yes, conflicts are inevitable. No family should appreciate the goal of not having them. Studies show that babies under the age of four can participate in an average of six to seven conflicts per hour! When we try to eliminate conflicts from children’s lives, we steal them in a way, we don’t allow ourselves to get very important and useful experiences. Such experiences teach how to agree, resolve differences, reconcile interests. Indeed, it is important that parents do not assume the role of an omniscient judge, but rather a caregiver, a mediator who helps both parties find a solution that is favorable to them. When children expect me to name and punish the culprits, I usually tell them to resolve the conflict themselves. The further I go, the more I try to remain calm and neutral in these war zones (laughs). Although, of course, I slip and make mistakes in these situations.
Well, conflicts with a husband are usually caused by two things: home and parenting. Expressing opinions helps calm down. We talk and try to reconcile our positions, because obviously, when raising children, the parents’ position must be the same.
– The sustainable tandem is inevitable to take responsibility for such a large family. When did you feel Andrius was a TAS man? Have you ever encountered the shallow waters of crisis?
– Before marriage, Andrew and I were good friends. We met in the second year, he studied at the same faculty of economics. We lived in the same bedroom, we met at parties, we danced. And in my sixth year of study, when a spark of love erupted, there was no doubt that this was the person for me. We have been in the eighteen years of marriage since 2002.
It is true that when we start a family, we do not plan such a large group of children. I come from a family of three children, Andrius, from two. That desire to have more children came naturally. Large numbers of children cultivate a sense of responsibility in a conscious person. I see this both in myself and in my own person. Perhaps that is why we do not notice significant crises in our relationships, because we focus more on the crises of children: 2-3 years, 6-7, adolescence …
– It’s time to meet your children, whom you baptized in the blog with nicknames.
– Emilija: sixteen will come in the summer, she is the old woman, it goes without saying where that nickname comes from. Lucia, thirteen years old, is emancipated, she surprises us from an early age with her independent and very colorful personality. Eleven Kristijonas for his calm and moderate manner: Ramuliukas. Jacob of the Nine – Unreal. I call him that because of his unpredictable and mischievous manner, incredible fantasies, and countless jokes. And here are the five Aloyza: little, it is also clear why.
– You have admitted that one or the other change has occurred with each child. What have your children taught you?
– Motherhood has changed and it is changing me all the time, growing and growing as a human being. Each child is like a tributary of a river, widens the banks, fills them with water, gives a faster flow, a deeper groove. The more children you raise, the more your manifestation will decrease. Children teach wisdom, patience, self-control, show themselves unadorned, allow them to be who they are, but at the same time provide them with an opportunity to improve. I would like all moms to enjoy a unique experience and value this stage of life as a gift.
– Has the attitude towards large families in our society changed, because recently it was thought that a large mother seems to be burying herself?
– A great family is a great joy, but I could not say that this emotion is the only traveler. I have to admit that having more than three children is a kind of limit, and not because they somehow expel you from society or somehow become.
I am proud of my large family and I don’t even have the idea of trying to embarrass myself in any way. I have not encountered the hostility of the environment towards our family, however, I have put on a kind of silence suit, in the sense that when there are difficulties, not many will be lost, except the same large families. Society is not very merciful to big kids in this regard, as if you lost the right to say that it is difficult for you, because it is your choice. So I’m not complaining.
I really like the saying “it is the way it is”. Once you realize and acknowledge the real situation, you can take action. That’s what I do: When a more difficult day comes, I just try to survive and then I look back at it from all sides with a smile on my face. Experiences become lessons.
– Despite your high employment, did you find opportunities to volunteer?
– It was a unique experience. The man’s workplace celebrated the company’s 20th anniversary and vowed to do 20 good deeds. Gladly I joined volunteering at the cantina for the poor and homeless in Bethany. More regular volunteer activities between the two with her husband, at church. We are active members of the community of the Church of St. John of Vilnius: we sing, read readings, and join the organization of the annual summer family camp. You can always find reasons not to do something, to say no, it is more important to me to say a conscious “yes” that opens the door to meaningful new experiences.
From the blog “Mom with a smile in your pocket”
What is your face, motherhood?
Gently stroking the ripe rays of holiness? I would like to use this as often as possible, but he is constantly running away from me …
Or perhaps a distorted grimace of anger as my little unease stubbornly succumbs to loving tyranny?
Or maybe a crystal tear of pain flows through him when, crouched on a pillow, I cry the words “I’m tired”, “I can’t take it anymore” …
Or is it covered by the web of thin web? So fragile that it swells with soft kisses of childhood diseases …
Or maybe there was a sparkle of smile at the farthest corners of my ears and eyes as my little hands tickled the abyss of my heart?
And what a pattern, motherhood, your forehead … is carved by the densest network of turbulent rivers, which absorbs all the currents of awake days and sleepless nights.
Do I see shadows of pain playing in your eyes?
Does mistrust and doubt, resentment, and frustration really swing over your sleek vibrant lashes with your groping friends?
Isn’t it right there where the lady’s bliss, with its wide spread wings, slides from the cheek holes to the sun of your eyes?
Is there an amber-bent pride curve behind the ear, swaying rhythmically, as the fetus in my uterus takes vibrantly sensitive steps on the journey of life?
How to draw your face, motherhood, when there are so many metamorphoses: Monday, a clear and starry sky in August, and Tuesday, opaque as a drizzle autumn morning, God Arias … Fearless and at the same time sprinkled with a mist of despair …
Who are you too, fairy, motherhood, innocently seduced by mysterious charms and drowned in the changing oceans of illusions?
* * *
– Take out the card! He exclaims little.
– And what will happen then?
– If you take out a red heart or a drum, it will be a successful day.
I unfortunately pull out the black wine lady. God, does that mean the worst day in the world is waiting?
– Roll again! – The little one intelligently and usefully offers another opportunity on the palms.
Once again, a card with an inverted black heart is in his hands, but the Little One is obviously not one to give up.
– Mom, you can. Pull another one.
And I shoot. And again it’s not that. I’m still pulling. As long as she turns red in her hands, good luck.
– Then I said it would work.
Of course you will be successful. How does she know? How does a five-year-old know that there are exactly half the black and red odds in the deck of cards, and even if the darkness falls multiple times in a row, only our decision determines when we will stop trying? Kids have mastered the simplest recipe for success so well: “Try again!”
We look with the Little at those red prophets of successful days and promise each other that we will not allow the first, the second, or the failure to somehow take effect as ruthless judgment.
If you failed, if you stumbled, if you got the wrong card, or just didn’t get out of bed like that, God, don’t stop, take another chance! After all, no one promised that everything should work the first time.
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