The autistic mother of two was diagnosed 4 years later: “It took me time to realize that this was not a death sentence” | Life

Inga Kazlauskienė participates for 15 minutes on the occasion of the SPECIAL Mother’s Day in the next campaign, where inspiring mothers’ stories are expected. If you are a mother or know someone who could also inspire, motivate, surprise your story 15min Readers – Please email a short description by mail: [email protected] The journalists, having selected the stories, will contact you personally, they will speak, 15min. the portal will share your story

During Mother’s Day, the UAB Biofarmacija will give away one of the special nutritional supplements for mothers for beauty and health “bioODA MAX filler”.

You can find all the mommy stories HERE.

The diagnosis of children was suspected before.

The pregnancies for Inga, who is raising her losers in Vilnius, were uneventful, easy and, as she says, almost perfect. While expecting children, the woman could not even suspect that she would hear an autism diagnosis a few years after her birth.

“Both deliveries went according to plan, I had a cesarean section,” recalls I. Kazlauskienė. “However, the disorder was officially diagnosed when she had three sons and four daughters.”

Inga still does not know the reason why the children were diagnosed with autism, although she repeatedly tried to explain it, conducted an investigation. However, he admits that he expected to hear a similar diagnosis, as he had noticed developmental disorders in children much earlier.

“Parents and educators always notice the developmental disorders of children first and only then see the doctors. The diagnosis did not come to us unexpectedly, says I. Kazlauskien -. – This is not the case when an oncological disease is diagnosed, when you go to a preventive check-up and suddenly you hear the diagnosis. We had suspicions before, we had a lot of interest, we consulted with specialists, so the disturbance found afterwards did not strike like lightning from a clear sky. It is not a sudden exacerbation, I knew very well what to expect “.

Inga cautions that parents who are interested in the condition of their children have often named the possible name of the developmental disorder even before the official diagnosis and have even managed to accept it. The same thing happened to the mother of two, who waited 17 weeks to enter the development center, and during that time lived with the future message.

“It took me a while to realize that the children hadn’t changed anything because of the diagnosis. They remain the same whether they have a disorder or not. Furthermore, we had to realize that this is not a fatal disease or a terrible sentence; our lives haven’t changed since then. The most difficult thing was to get an official diagnosis, and when I heard it, I even left the development center relieved, because I was clear about what to do next and what to expect in the future, ”says I. Kazlauskienė.

It took me a while to realize that the children had not changed at all because of the diagnosis. They remain the same whether they have a disorder or not

After spending three weeks with the children in the development center, the mother was glad that during that time, the progress was immediately visible and she also gained knowledge on how to raise her children in the future. However, he admits that he not only had to live with the diagnosis, but also go through a stage where many questions arose within him.

“I wondered why it happened, why. We looked for answers through science, but we were told there were no genetic abnormalities. That’s all we found out, “says Inga.

I.Kazlauskienė is convinced that autism does not make children different, so it was much easier for her to understand the diagnosis. The mother did not need the help of specialists and, as she says, it was enough to work on herself.

“My daughter is a more classic person with autism and the child is more flexible, I immediately saw that there would be no problems with him, he is not a real person with autism, he only has weak characteristics of the disorder. It is likely that in a few years the son will not have no diagnosis, “says Inga.

Always try to find time for yourself

Today, Inga is raising children alone – her relationship with her husband began to unravel when her son was one year old. Mom assures that it was not difficult for her to be alone, since now she can focus all her attention on the two children.

“The relationship was not perfect from the beginning, but I still expected it to improve. I made the decision to divorce in 2015, when we did not even suspect the children’s diagnoses, but I officially divorced three years ago. The children did not really understand what happened. , and I myself am of the opinion that your age is the most favorable for divorce, – says I. Kazlauskienė. – Currently, the spouse supports us only materially by paying the ordered maintenance. It was easier for me after the divorce, and the development of the children accelerated, because we came out of an environment where there was a lot of clarity about relationships ”.

Currently, the family spends time in a sanatorium, which they try to go to at least twice a year. The mother says that the days here are very active and stressful: the children go to the procedures and after them there are walks in the pine forest.

“Usually my children go to kindergarten, to school, they visit the day center. When they returned from educational institutions, they prepared homework and attended gymnastics until there was quarantine. Their daily life is exactly the same as that of other children, says Inga. – Only so much that I cannot pass my children alone anywhere. For example, my daughter couldn’t go back to school on her own, at least I wouldn’t dare to let her go. “

I.Kazlauskienė manages not only to take care of the children, but also to coordinate the work. In it, the mother has the opportunity to distribute the activities in the way that suits her best, so without additional stress she can not only do the work, but also take the children to the right places on time.

“I have always worked from home, quarantine or not. There used to be a period when I would visit the workplace, so it was difficult to rush to pick up the kids from kindergarten after work. Today everything is much easier ”, assures Inga.

Since I. Kazlauskiene is free to plan her time, she always tries to find at least one minute for herself. It is true that sometimes it is at the expense of sleep, but Inga is already used to that rhythm of life.

“I really try not to hurt myself, I visit the hairdresser, I get a manicure, when I can, I swim in the pool. I need time for myself to regain strength, ”says my mother.

I need time for myself to regain strength

Inga manages to include even the trips that her children especially love in the busy schedule. The family likes to spend time on the Lithuanian coast, but the offspring are no longer looking forward to when it will be safe to fly again.

“I always travel with children and sometimes we cooperate with other mothers with a similar destination and we all go somewhere together,” says I. Kazlauskienė.

Aims to live happily every day

Although Inga seems to guess everything about the party and is always positive, she admits that there are days when she feels tired. However, the mother is happy to be strong both physically and psychologically, and she also tries to live with the idea that all difficulties are temporary.

“I always think that the fatigue will pass and I will have time to rest,” says I. Kazlauskienė. – I think that approach only comes with age. There was more maximalism in my youth, I wanted everything to be perfect, but then you see that life is not what you planned. We have to accept that, keep living and gain experience. “

When looking for educational institutions or groups for children, there are situations in which Inga has to face the refusal to accept minors. However, the mother admits that she does not want to waste energy on wars of this kind and tries not to get caught up in them.

“We try to be where there is a place for these children. If I see that they don’t want us somewhere, we don’t get there. We go to groups where we are waiting and happy. Although there were actually cases when they politely said that they could not accept, – says I. Kazlauskienė. “But the biggest challenge for a school is choosing the right one, adapting and getting used to learning.”

Mom does not hide what awaits her in the future and hints at the hope of a better life. He points out that there is already a growing variety of opportunities for people with autism, which was not the case a few years ago.

“Before there were no nurseries, but now there are more and more. I think that until the children grow up, there will be more opportunities and we will really take advantage of them,” says I. Kazlauskienė.

I believe that as the children get older, there will be more opportunities and we will definitely take advantage of them.

Inga, who is not lacking in positivity, would like to wish her on other mothers raising children with disorders. I. Kazlauskienė advises not to bother with black thoughts and not to think about what awaits you in 10 or more years.

“We have to try to live happily every day, to see the positive in children. Rejoice if the child has learned to say a prayer and do not compare it with other peers. And most importantly, listen to their intuition,” advises Inga.