Rūta, mother of 7 children from Norway: “How to guess everything? Or the children look good, either me or the house; otherwise, it is impossible! ”| Life

Today, the woman, along with the other half of Halvor, whom she met five years ago in the company of friends, is building a business and says that she is not the mother who puts everything together and adds: you don’t have to be that. road.

“I got married twice, I still have no plans to do it a third time,” laughs Rūta, who is raising 7 children.

Ruth had all the children of three different men. Admittedly, one more can now be added to this number: Noah, the son of Ruth’s longtime friend, who is said to be an “extra mother” in Norway.

“I was originally a mother in Norway, a 100% job with such a large family (Serie). However, we have a business since last year, we set up a cafe, this is my second job after maternity.

I’m a chef, a sweeper, a manager, whoever I want. We hardly feel the quarantine here, because where we live, in a small tourist town, it was almost non-existent. Yes, we all walked with masks, schools were closed, but there were hardly any sick people on our campus.

Given that we are very “fresh” in the whole business, I cannot say that we have suffered much. The working year will start in summer when the tourists arrive, ”says Rūta, who lives next to the famous Telemark channel, which is used by tourist boats.

Today, he says that he could not and would not want to live in the city because there is nothing better than waking up to the singing of birds surrounded by nature.

In Norway, there is a strong focus on the family.

When asked what impresses her in Norway, what does she notice, Ruth says she likes the approach towards children with special needs. “My son was diagnosed with ADD (attention deficit disorder) and there is a lot of help and support for the children here.

I just didn’t listen to Barnevernet, a service that supposedly reminds kids. However, we ask for your help ourselves. As I say, my son was not born with instructions on how to deal with him. At the same time, that help really benefits us: the consultant helps us to build a connection, to understand each other ”.

Ruth also likes the fact that, say, parents raising children with developmental disabilities or disabilities, single mothers and fathers have the right to breathe, they can leave their children in the care of other people. And it is not about the child staying with strangers, it is perceived as a break and an opportunity to care for the child later after the break.

In my opinion, Norwegians spoil children too much.

“I also adore nature – where I live now, I would like to live to old age. It is true that there are things that he does not like, say, cultural differences, parenting. In my opinion, Norwegians spoil children too much I grew up alone, no one was sitting next to me and not telling me what to do. And Norwegians seem to run with pillows from behind in many situations. For children under 18, everything is placed on a plate and then turned around as it is. want.

I don’t think it’s acceptable that you have to show everything with your finger; that’s what I found when I was looking for people who could work in a cafe. I had to recruit my childrenSerie). I believe that children should be taught independence; I am often surprised when they ask me: do your children wash the dishes? ”Says Rūta.

Seven children: it is impossible to reconcile everything, but it is not necessary

“Only five children live with me (Serie). When I divorced my second husband and moved to another place in Norway, one of my sons and my daughter stayed with my father; their relationship is really strong, there are their lives and their friends. And the most important thing for me is that they are happy.

So, I would move in with four children and then another was born (Ruth has a son with her first husband, five children with the second, a daughter with her third life partner). The oldest member of our family, my husband’s son, Noah, who is already 18 years old, lives with his mother, my eldest, Margiris (will be 17 years old), Junda (12 years old), Milda (11 years old), Uvis ( 10 years), Herkus (7 years), Ugnė (5 years), Gabija (3 years) ”, – R. Sirgedaitė names the composition of the family.

What is the daily life of the family? How do you manage to reconcile and keep up with everything? “I do not anticipate (Serie). Either the children look good, me or the house, otherwise it would be impossible! Myths that mom is always beautiful and combines everything.

We live in the same house where we set up a cafe. I know that a pile of dirty clothes or unwashed dishes await me on the second floor. But I can’t break it! And if we both work with one man, really without help from one side, it’s impossible to keep up with everything. I’m the type of person who needs structure, plan, so we all finally figured out our rhythm. Now all children go to school and kindergarten, so that combination is really possible.

I was the person who really couldn’t find time for me, for a long time I was in last place for me. But the current man taught me a different approach, which encourages me to rest, to do what I love. Of course, there is not that much time, but we spend doing our favorite activities and, of course, we try to be together, “says the interlocutor.

After a divorce with a second husband: how to reconcile parenting

Ruth says that in Norway, communication between divorced families is possible and services contribute to the well-being of the family. “I notice very large families, for example, a man has two, a woman has three children, they begin to build a life together and there are already five children. Even after a divorce, children actively communicate with both mother and father.

In Lithuania, children often live with their mothers after divorce, and in Norway equality is highly valued and children’s needs are taken into account, as children need both their father and mother.

I was the person who really couldn’t find time for myself, I was last place for a long time. But today’s man taught a different approach.

There is a contract with the man we run. Divorce is a difficult process for both children and adults, so I really like in Norway to focus on the child, how he is going, what he is experiencing, how to help him. Schools and kindergartens are also constantly being asked if help is needed.

Since we live far from each other with my ex-husband, it is important to combine communication, education and holidays, to be together – the contract helps us. It is true that this was more difficult to implement during the coronavirus, but now there are technologies that really facilitate communication even at a distance. Of course, it is not the same as communicating live, but we do what we want, ”says Rūta.

The eldest son stayed to live with his mother, he needs help, some rules for ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), so it is very good for him to live here; all necessary help is provided in Norway. The other children, whose care Ruth shares with her second husband, adapt to each of their lifestyles.

“I don’t think it is necessary to impose one’s opinion, I respect the opinions of everyone, both boys and men, although sometimes I would like to argue (Serie). Now, after a long time, I can say that we can maintain a normal relationship with my second husband thanks to our children, ”she says.

Attitudes towards motherhood are radically different: Rūta feels like a new person

Ruth says that compared to 17 years ago, when her first child was born, and now, she is a completely different person. “I am a new person. I was 20 years old when I gave birth for the first time, and what I did then, and how things seemed to me, has now completely changed.

I have great respect for older people, for their wisdom, but there are things that always provoke debate. The same is breastfeeding, carrying a child … How many mothers have heard that milk is too thin, or – do not carry a child because you will get used to it.

Today, my children run barefoot in the garden, even though it is 10 degrees outside. I don’t wear a jacket if they don’t want to. But we have rules that we follow. There is certainly no punishment or pressure in our family.

I can say that I became much freer, I got rid of many of the attitudes that I grew up with, I changed my attitude not only towards children, motherhood, but also towards life. I am very impressed by dr. Austėja Landsbergienė and her approach to parenting: I apply the same principles in the lives of my children ”, says the interlocutor.

He adds that children have to pay to earn the things of their dreams for themselves; for example, Ruth would definitely not buy the latest phone.

“Parental love and the necessary things that come from it are a gift, time with children is completely natural. I have often told myself that I spend very little time with children, but on the other hand, they need that freedom and the ability to feel responsible for their actions.

My children are very different, each one has their own character. And there are no rules for communication between children of different ages. I think parents and their ability to make a connection between children play an important role here. Of course, mine is like everyone else’s children: friends for one moment, fighting for another. But this is perfectly normal. I think that the year difference between children is not the essence to create communication and connection, ”says Rūta.

Future plans: the freedom to live the life of dreams

“I always loved babies, I was attracted to them since adolescence, but I did not have the goal of having a big family. All but one of my children are planned and thought out. Happy my great family! We do not plan offspring in the future; I have already completed my missionSerie).

Today I live as I have dreamed all my life. It is true that many tests have been waiting for me until then. While waiting for my sixth child, I divorced my second husband; it was a huge shock to my family. I went with a loved one, a former drug addict, his lesbian sister, a former alcoholic. My family hasn’t spoken to me in two years! But it’s been a while, the prejudices have disappeared and now we can communicate normally.

I do not need things: the last car or villa, I think I need to take from life what it brings and that is enough.

Today I have a house that is in a wonderful place, surrounded by a river, mountains and forests. I do not need things: the last car or villa, I think I need to take from life what it brings, and that is enough.

Now what we want most is to consolidate our business, we feel a lot of support from the locals, we have plans to expand. And in the future, when all the kids are gone, maybe there will be a boarding house here. Finally, when we are completely obsolete, we will ride in two with my husband down the old hippie trails. cars (Serie).

My journey was long, but I got where I wanted to go! I advise all single parents: rest. That is the most important. You cannot surrender to the whole being. Find time for yourself, then you will recover, “recharge” and can travel further. Children are happy when happy parents are a simple but golden rule, ”advises Rūta.