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In a press release, psychologist Giedrė Starkevičiūtė comments on these stories and advises parents on how to deal with their children’s infatuation for the first time.
Quarantine is a great test for those who cultivate warm feelings
Now that the ability to communicate live due to the spread of the virus is kept to a minimum, isolation is extremely difficult for young people who experience their first strong feelings.
Psychologists say that one of the most difficult stages of personality development, adolescence, when the body changes, emotions shine and feelings sprout, is sensitive to the whole family.
Responsible behavior from loved ones can protect against life’s upheavals, teach failure to accept as an experience, and foster beautiful relationships. During this period, it is also seen whether a solid relationship between the child and parents has been established so far and whether the foundation for the correct decisions has been laid in time.
To overcome the frustration of a beloved high school student, a psychologist helps
“There were many rules and commitments in my childhood. It was as if he did it voluntarily. I seemed to be happy. I don’t know how to explain it, but when I entered my teens and met him, that feeling with an older, experienced friend was stronger than anything else. I liked feeling like an adult, I felt special. ”- Viltė, who lives in Kaunas district, recalls the condition that lasted almost seven months.
The period of Hope’s teenage rebellion coincided with online dating. The girl is open: it was living without borders and without rules that the new acquaintance caught her attention, then at the age of sixteen. Encouraged by the desire to be next to a four-year-old boy, Viltė began to skip classes, disagreements with teachers and parents grew stronger. According to the girl, the constant reproaches from those around her made her increasingly distant from her family and school.
“I didn’t want to differentiate myself from new acquaintances, so I started smoking, I tried alcohol, ‘herbs’. I want to forget a lot about that time now, and most of all, the moment when I realized that the guy was just using me. Then his money ran out and he told me to steal something from the store because I am a minor and “I will have nothing.” I realized that this is the limit and I already want to go home, to my bed and that no one is going to ask me for anything ”, the 18-year-old high school student openly says.
Hope is back at school, visiting a psychologist since spring. Hopefully after the karatine there will be the opportunity to meet the psychologist live. Viltė’s parents also turned to specialists for help. According to the girl, they want to understand how to communicate with Hope’s brother, who is entering adolescence, to avoid mistakes.
Teen with mom
The family of the beloved became the counselor of the young man.
Valius, who lives in a nursing home in the Marijampolė region, is convinced that his feelings for his partner strengthened and changed him. The boy jokes that what happened was mostly unexpected for him because he fell in love with a “schoolboy.” Because the two agree perfectly, the quarantine restrictions did not reduce their time together: they both communicate remotely, listen to the same music, or watch the same movie at the same time.
“It just came to our knowledge then. I also like the way her parents treat me, I feel like a different person. I avoided my friend’s parents, especially my mother, for a long time, I was afraid she would forbid me to meet. But once we meet, they haven’t said anything bad, they often advise. It even seems like my house is there, “says the teenager.
Valius reveals that he has been a concern for social workers and teachers since he was a child: “I have been famous like a plague for 12 years, I have been running away from foster homes.”
The boy lost his father early (he died in an accident) and the mother, who was left alone with four children, could not bear the failed tests and began to drink. Valius entered the nursing home with his sisters at the age of seven. He is now sixteen years old.
Giedrė Starkevičiūtė, a psychologist with the Kaunas County Children’s Rights Protection Department, advises how to behave when a daughter or son falls in love for the first time:
Don’t stress anymore
Identity, values, and attitudes are formed in adolescence. This period is usually accompanied by strong healing and feelings, which cause great stress in the adolescent. Try not to cause it anymore with reckless behavior. Stress is positive, it encourages change, change. But it can also arise from conflicts, lack of communication in the family.
Be critical of your actions
If parents have noticed teenage misbehavior (skipping classes, having conflicts with teachers, not returning home on time), it is important to understand the real reason for this. Nothing will help better than a sincere, respectful, trusting, and warm conversation. If the relationship is complicated, then it is advisable to seek the help of a psychologist. The relationship may be damaged before adolescence.
Avoid excessive control
If the adolescent’s behavior becomes particularly dangerous (use of psychoactive substances, theft, etc.) – react. However, if a teenager pays all the time and attention to the object of his admiration and changes his free time, communication with friends, family, there is nothing wrong with that. Get over your anxiety by gradually losing influence over a growing child.
Get to know your child’s loved one
You will be more at ease as your daughter or son goes on if you meet the other half of your offspring. And the adolescent will feel more secure if the parents accept the friend, support him. Do this even if the object of your child’s charm doesn’t make him particularly happy. Let’s try to look at the world not from our own experience, but through the eyes of a young, emotional and selfish person.
Show respect and support
Make it clear that you respect, understand, and support the teen’s choice. And express your observations not as fear and criticism. Regardless of the dangers or problems that arise in the life of a teenager, a strong bond between parents and children is the most effective remedy for misfortunes, complicated behaviors and most of life’s worries.
Help to stay with your feelings
If the first love is disappointing, it breaks trust, there may be emotional difficulties to build a harmonious relationship in the future. But early experiences can teach you how to accept loss or frustration. It is important not to deny feelings, but to help your daughter or son stay with them. However, if the pain is deep and does not go away, it is necessary to consult a specialist.
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