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Relationship with the father
Delving into the question of why it is so difficult to love, MPEMartynenko analyzes his own relationship with his father in the past and in the present: “Today my father called me from prison. I hadn’t seen him in 11 years before this spring. He’s in jail for murder and probably the first thing that made me visit him was that I realized I hated him. Because before that it seemed to me that I didn’t feel anything at all for him. “
According to the poet, the birth of a child made him wonder how much energy and time it takes to raise children. The writer’s hatred of his father stems from this understanding. Still, he emphasizes that he doesn’t like being so mad at himself.
Recalling the meeting with his father in Marijampolė prison, he claims that it took place with many questions for him and in the hope of being forgiven. But when he met his father, he says he saw a tired old man in front of him: “I had no doubts why he had behaved in one way or another. That hatred inside me suppressed me. In fact, it is quite difficult to project a fierce hatred towards a very close person. “
We try many things: wars, drugs, psychotropic substances, and we are probably left with the most banal thing in the world: love.
“My father calls me once, my own son cries and I realize the whole situation and myself. Sometimes I answer and sometimes we talk. Sometimes I want to tell him that I can’t help you. Not because you didn’t help me or because you weren’t there when I really needed it. But sometimes it seems like he doesn’t have the resources to do it, ”the writer shares his thoughts on communicating with his father.
Photo of Marius Povilas by Elijas Martynenko / Vismantė Ruzgaitė
Love for the dying
“I find it very difficult, for example, to love a dying person, because I realize that with each dying person, myself,” says MPEMartynenko.
When remembering acquaintances and relatives who have already passed away, he says that his friends, his grandfather had a piece of him, memories of him who died with these people: “They will not resurface in the eyes of anyone else.”
The writer also remembers the time he spent in the hospital and the dying people he saw there. He maintains that another person can be loved very strongly and try to save his life, but it is important to understand when it is time to run and say goodbye. It’s a big part of that love.
“It was very painful to see how the son-in-law gestures slowly, how the man who raised me is not left of him, he was the only man in my life”, shares MPEMartynenko in his memories.
According to the poet, in resuscitation people slowly submerge and it is a difficult suffering in which it is difficult to love another, but there are also people who are capable of doing it: “They are probably the greatest temples of humanity that I have witnessed with my own eyes. “
Aušra and Marius Povilas Elijas Martynenko with their son Emanuelis / Photo by Greta Skaraitienė / “PEOPLE Photo”
Love is the only alternative we have left
“If we continue to choose indifference, perhaps even a kind of hatred, it seems to me that we are already doomed,” says MPEMartynenko, emphasizing that love is the only way out for people. He sees feelings of hatred or indifference as an alternative to love, but emphasizes that these feelings require more energy than love.
According to MPEMartynenko, love is also work that requires strength and effort, but encourages love to look like a growing muscle.
“It just came to our knowledge then. Ecological problems, racial discord. Everything that is happening to us now is a kind of prison and can probably only be released during the game. Just playing and loving,” the writer teaches.
“We have tried a lot: wars, drugs, psychotropic substances, and we are left with probably the most banal thing in the world: love. And it’s good that it’s banal, which means a lot, “sums up MPEMartynenko.
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