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The woman did not despair because the Seimas decided not to consider the draft Law of Association, which was tried to present on Tuesday.
“I feel normal. I didn’t have high expectations. This grain was sown in very toxic soil. (…) I can’t say I was unlucky. The presentation was great. Given that the majority of votes have not passed, this is a great achievement. We need to evaluate which are the excellent conditions for further development of the process. I don’t think you should be angry, “said J. Vaitiekūnienė on the program” Delfi Tema “.
The woman notices that the LGBT community is gathering.
“And the parents got up from the sofa, they saw that hatred was no longer bearable. Parents no longer want to be silent. These are our children. This is my country where I was born, where I live, where I got married. For my marriage, 35 years old, I raised a great son, a citizen, a good person. (…)
The worst thing, it seems to me, is not the presence or absence of the law, although it is absolutely necessary (for people of one or different sexes) to live together, but what to do with this avalanche of hatred, which has been common for many years ” said J. Vaitiekūnienė.
The interlocutor said that it affects not only the LGBT person himself, but also his family members.
“They have fathers, mothers, grandparents, aunts, cousins. It affects ten to fifteen very close people. Everything that is said to the LGBT community is said directly to my heart, “said J. Vaitiekūnienė.
I heard a lot of hate
This mother had to hear many hateful statements.
“I myself have spoken with the priest. I wanted to tell him not to burn. It was he who made it clear to me that my son is a pervert, that he is somewhere in a gang of pedophiles. (…) I also receive messages: “you will disappear with that perverted child”, just like Tomas Raskevičius “, said J. Vaitiekūnienė.
The woman says her struggle is not about herself.
“We are citizens, taxpayers, we have raised great citizens, we work for Lithuania, and how do we hear such things from politicians, priests? I quote two sources: clergy and politicians oppress society. Why do I have to defend myself with plugged ears? ”asked J. Vaitiekūnienė.
It wasn’t easy at first
The woman openly said that when she found out her lonely son was gay, it wasn’t easy.
“Considering the situation that we are all a Soviet mothball part of society, it was difficult for me and I did not hear from anyone that there had been no impact. Perhaps for some it did not hurt so much, for others it could have been different. It was hard for me.
I did not know who to turn to, I did not know who to call and what to do with this message, because I live in a homophobic society and I am like that, ”said J. Vaitiekūnienė.
The mother of an LGBT child said that she initially had to search for information herself because no one knew anything.
“Everyone shrugs their shoulders and says, ‘I’m sorry for you.’ I received so much sympathy and then I asked my son, “What are other mothers doing?” The son says, “I don’t know mom.” Many moms don’t know. Seeing the reactions of their parents, hearing the comments of their father or mother in the kitchens, they just keep quiet and don’t tell their real parents, ”said J. Vaitiekūnienė.
The woman said it was her son and his friends who came up with the need to educate their mothers, to give them an emotional shoulder.
“An emotional support group for LGBT family members has been established. Most of us are mothers, but there are both fathers and grandparents. We support each other, we heal from our phobias and uncertainties, we learn to accept our children, we learn to defend them. Although parents still do not dare much, because it is not easy to go out in public, in such a cruel environment as it is now in society, ”said J. Vaitiekūnienė.
The woman said there are practicing Catholics among those parents.
“It just came to our knowledge then. A mother calls me from a region and says,” I raised five children, I am very confident, I raised my family in a very Catholic way and one of my five children is gay. “I tell him,” maybe you have to go to the priest to confess, to talk. “Imagine that you are so scared that you are afraid to tell your pastor through a confession that your son is like that. Families are hiding,” said J. Vaitiekūnienė.
Children and parents decide their dramas
Dalia Mickevičiūtė, a psychotherapist who works with children and adolescents, said that it takes a long time for young people to catch up with what is happening to them.
“One of the most painful issues is how friends, the class, the people around you will react, ‘Will I be able to walk without paving?’ It is very good for me to listen to the interlocutor as she speaks wonderfully as a mother. Because the question of how the parents will react is one of the relevant pains, “said D. Mickevičiūtė.
The specialist said that it is very important that these young people can trust their parents, feel their support.
“Then there is the whole other world that you have to try to learn to live with,” said D. Mickevičiūtė.
Seeing a gay couple on the street won’t take over your orientation
The specialist said that in general, the development of sexuality in a person is a complex process.
“I cannot rule out that after a rape a person may begin to feel different, to live, but for the vast majority they are deeper, stronger things, that is, the innate, what is brought. (…) Man is not powerful enough to change his essential innate things. It is not so easy to form that sexual identity that just when I see a gay couple on the street I suddenly become what I saw. These are much more complex processes, ”said D. Mickevičiūtė.
At the same time, the psychotherapist explained that, in general, for a person, the ability to be a couple, a family, a partner is one of the most important things that define identity.
“I really understand the part you want to name that we are family, husband, wife, spouses, it is a big part of life. Life is very diverse, colorful, I think there are those for whom it is not important and they can live successfully anonymously, ”said D. Mickevičiūtė.
He wants to fight for the happiness of the child
The mother of an LGBT child supports the idea that the concept of family should not be reserved for couples of different sexes.
“Without a doubt, if my son wants to have a family and feel happy, it is also good for me that my son is happy,” said J. Vaitiekūnienė.
At the same time, the woman revealed that she herself had been touched by the myths about homosexuality that flowed in society.
“I asked myself, ‘What didn’t I do? Did I look somewhere? Didn’t I do something to make my son gay? “I asked him, ‘Maybe you went to a camp somewhere? Maybe someone raped you? My son was almost offended by such questions. But when those myths spread, you start to evaluate various situations,” said J. Vaitiekūnienė.
The woman, who had raised only one child, said she had helped her when she met mothers who had raised multiple children, and only one of them was gay.
“I met a mother who has twins and one is gay. Those experiences help dispel myths. Then I realize the need to start talking because when people don’t know, they get very scared. People don’t know because we don’t talk. I gave the floor to my son when he opened that I would also open, ”said J. Vaitiekūnienė.
An active mother is determined to fight for the happiness of herself and other children of the same type.
“My son is my responsibility and I have to protect my son from injustice in the world. I say: imagine what a wolf does when its wolves are attacked? The wolf is brushing his teeth. We also brush our teeth. Sometimes I bite.
Of course, I will not go to the collision and I will not organize marches, my struggle is to speak, with courage, of myself, to be an example, to be in a debate. Just with fans, I’m definitely not going to talk about it because it’s a lost generation. And I always tell young mothers that if they are going to give birth to a baby in their family, there may be a one in ten chance that their child is gay, transgender, asexual, or bisexual, ”said J. Vaitiekūnienė.
The woman is happy that the young people are listening and looking for information.
“I did not know. My son was loved, expected, born of love, I put together everything I could and always said that” you have to be a person, a citizen, and not demand anything from the State, but build it. “My family is in that position and we still live that way. And how can I feel when I go out into the city and see my MP-elect wave the flag of the family march with the MP? ‘asked J. Vaitiekūnienė openly.
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