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We are talking to Janina Sabaite Melnikoviene, an emotional health consultant and professor at the Institute of Human Psychology, about this difficult and ambiguous topic that many people have likely come across.
– Why is this topic so sensitive?
– Probably because it is related to relationships, emotions and finances – to the need for security and the unpleasant feelings that arise when we are faced with difficult situations.
– Although it is popular in society to say that if you want to get angry with a friend or family member, lend them money, why is this rule broken so often?
– It is difficult for many people to respond appropriately – assertively to a friend or relative what they really think, that they may not want to lend, that they follow some of their rules, etc., because they do not want to appear insensitive, useless, distrustful, etc.
It also feels uncomfortable to say clear rules on what conditions should be used to repay finances, etc.
On the one hand, people try to be “good”, but at the same time there are feelings that are associated with doubts and fears about losing their finances.
– Who is more unethical in this process: the applicant or the non-loan?
They both behave according to their own thinking and understanding. The question is how they are able to express it to another person, without fear of the consequences that p. Eg the other person will get angry and so on.
Both the one who wants to borrow and the one who asks must understand that the other person can refuse and that does not really say anything about him as a person, it is just one of his actions.
– Let’s try to understand the motives of the applicant: after all, borrowing from a natural person is much easier, faster and cheaper than from a bank, not to mention quick loans. But are these rather selfish motives, without considering the possibility of return and unforeseen circumstances? How do you deal with someone you ask and promise to give up very soon? Really really!
– The borrower still has a greater responsibility to the borrower, as he has to convince and show that he is ready and honest to show his efforts and willingness to pay debts on time. And there are endless options for this: notarization, debt notes, third party surety, etc. Start coming back, albeit in small installments, but fast enough, thus showing your honesty.
At the same time and in the normal course of life, you must prove that the money was borrowed for serious business. Because there is often frustration because money is borrowed and someone who borrows goes on vacation or buys luxury items.
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