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What changed? Did men become feminine, or perhaps vice versa? We are discussing this with Goda Žukauskiene, a psychologist at the Psychological Counseling and Support Center and a family counselor.
– Much has really changed, from the public point of view to personal choice. We live in very volatile times, with so many changes that we often adapt automatically. After all, just a few decades ago, completely different behavior patterns between male and female, father and mother, were perceived as the norm. Now their roles in the family are more confused, intertwined than before. There are almost no male or female jobs left, it all depends on a mutual agreement in the family. Both men and women now often try to pay for everything because it feels safer that way. However, some specific jobs generally do better.
– There are frequent scenes in movies where men, who initially struggle with their maternal responsibilities, eventually become true heroes. Are they just screen candy, or maybe really men, much better at raising kids?
– And yes and no. In this case, I think the individual characteristics of the child and the parent, their relationship, the sex and the age of the child are very important. Dad is the person who, among other things, is responsible for active and physical games in the family, in addition, it is Dad who is the child’s cable for society, communication. This is especially evident around the sixth to seventh year of life. The mother often wants to lose the child at that time. They push her into the background and the importance of the father grows, despite possible bruises and painful abrasions. If a man notices this need for a boy and responds, they both experience priceless moments. I think it is very true to think that a father who likes to play with his son is a child that his father loved to play with.
– Career, family support, keeping fit, active leisure with friends, maybe another glass of beer during the fishing weekend. What happens in the family when there is no time for the child on the parent’s agenda?
– If it lasts longer, the family adapts. However, any family is a system, so it affects all members of the family. And, I’m afraid, not for the better. Children get used to spending the day (and later life) without a parent, and not just physically. They convey their questions, problems, and feelings to another (another) family member who listens and listens to those they consider important. In such a family, the mother often tries to make up for the father’s failure by doing some of the chores or activities for the child, perhaps even at the expense of rest or leisure. By sacrificing himself in this way, he finally tires. And the father himself finally begins to realize that something is missing in his life. And then it is not too late to realize what really matters most in our lives. And start behaving differently. To all who are wrong, I often repeat: what matters is the quality of communication with the child, not the quantity. After all, a relationship is based on sincerity, even if it only lasts a few minutes a day.
Goda Žukauskienė: It seems to me that those men who take care of their children’s well-being on a daily basis, in silence and without rest, deserve the title of superhuman.
– Are there still men these days who think raising children is just a woman’s business?
– Casino. In their professional practice, they had to meet many parents who proudly assumed the role of father, they did not save time and energy to be good only for their offspring. Now, thank God, that concern has become fashionable. It is good that the help of psychologists in this matter is often not underestimated: if there are more serious problems in raising a child or communication in the family, both fathers and mothers are not shy, they resort to professional help . I’m glad it’s slowly becoming the norm. After all, when we want a beautiful haircut, we don’t try to cut our hair ourselves; we find both the time and the means to go to the professional of the thing: the hairdresser.
– Neither our parents nor our grandparents had the opportunity to take parental leave. Now such a choice is. Tell me, do many brave people choose him without fear of damaging his image as the head of the family?
– It happens in every way. This choice is often determined by the financial aspects of the family, and is not always a bad one. Most importantly, both mom and dad feel they are doing the right thing. When a baby is born, any family begins a different new phase. It is normal for this to be stressful for all family members, which decreases over time. As the child grows, everyone naturally faces new challenges, but if the family is harmonious, all obstacles are overcome. It is nice when a man and a woman in a family complement each other. Each one is important in his own way, special in his own way and necessary for each other. The best thing a father can do for his son is to love his mother.
– Voluntary childcare exchange helps mothers stay on the job and continue their professional development. It used to be a dream of many mothers …
– Children are a miracle. This is not only a great responsibility, but also a gift from God. A solid relationship between parents, their mutual help in everything, support, understanding and a sincere relationship is the basis for a child’s healthy psychological development. The child should definitely feel that it comes from the love of the parents, great and real. One should not be afraid to openly declare this in the family.
“I will decide for myself what is best for my son. You just got off work and I had to bother all day.”
– May be. We all want to be authoritarian for our children, but sometimes we forget a simple truth: by humiliating another, you will not get up. Children love mom and dad. Strongly. He loves progress, so much so that he is willing to forgive us for all the mistakes of fathers and mothers. The only way for a mother not to hurt a child’s heart is to respectfully communicate with her father, even if she makes occasional mistakes. If the situation is serious and the parents do not agree on a particular topic, it is better to speak in two without the children listening.
– According to the priest Richard Doveika, the man and the woman became one body, a harmonious team. What can be done to maintain that harmony forever, not just in the first year of marriage?
– The honorable priest has given very simple advice just for this case: “In the family, the words SORRY and FORGIVENESS should be bread every day.” It is impossible to say shorter and clearer.
– What kind of hero of this conversation is our father? Do you know how to change diapers with one hand and accurately shoot the bad guys on the computer screen?
– It seems to me that those men who take care of the well-being of their children on a daily basis, in silence and without rest, deserve the title of superhumanity. There are no perfect fathers (like, by the way, perfect mothers), there are only fathers who want to be better than they were yesterday.
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