Eskedar Maštavičienė, who differs from her husband: sometimes she has to admit that if we live together, we will not be able to survive.

– You recently had a coffee ceremony in Lukiškės Square, what was your idea?

– A week ago I was on the beach, in Monciškės, there is a center where people with disabled children go, or those who are disabled. This is the only place in Lithuania where disabled people can freely access the sea. I went there with a friend and children, we saw brave and disabled people living normal lives and families raising disabled children. My children had the opportunity to interact with those children and they did not even hear why those people in wheelchairs or something, it was all clear to them: it is nothing terrible. I went with all the tools for a coffee ceremony, so we kept her by the sea. We went to the sea with more cups to treat others, it was a lot of fun. Upon returning from the beach, my friend Radvilė called me and said: “Open Beach” is opening in Vilnius, she has to do a coffee ceremony there. I asked him: what about electricity? What about plumbing? He said we would come back and go see. We toured the plaza and the next day we began to organize ourselves, preparing 150 cups of coffee and entertaining people. It is good for me to have not only myself, but my community that understands how good it is for me to do what I do and see an opportunity. I’m glad I was able to do that and I hope we do more.

– Your coffee ceremonies – for communication?

– Some ask – free coffee? After all, nothing is free … Yes! (Laughter) Because it is so good and faina, this is how you tell us about the culture of coffee. In Ethiopia, the coffee ceremony takes place three times a day and lasts at least an hour or a half. The man asks: while you work? Yes, we work, but perhaps we walk less with our colleagues (laughs). It is an antidepressant, people have at least three hours a day to communicate while sitting and talking about everything. When you say that coffee has nothing to do with sleep, because in Ethiopia the afternoon ceremony is between 8 p.m. And at 10 p.m., people say, wow, how do you sleep? Calm down! (laughs) We have already told you everything and we are going to sleep in peace.

– And how did the idea of ​​starting a coffee business come about? Were you not concerned that this idea would not hold in Lithuania? After all, we don’t have coffee ceremonies, often in the morning, do I quickly turn a cup of coffee into a sandwich and go to work?

– What you have is authentic: it can become your source of livelihood. Most of the time, I think when you migrate to another country, you try so hard to adapt that you can lose your roots and what you have well to share. I think that was also my fear.

I was studying for a bachelor’s and master’s degree at VGTU and I thought I had to work by profession. I studied financial management, so I thought I should work in a bank. Later in international business management, I thought I should work for a company. You have a certain attitude about how you have to live only for what you studied. But I never thought that I could take what is good in Ethiopia and make it accessible to the Lithuanian market. Or, conversely, take something good from Lithuania and give it to Ethiopia. I didn’t think about it, but having contact between the two parties is my greatest asset. I have something that others don’t have, I have a culture. After all, there is no one in the world of coffee culture except Ethiopia. The coffee there was born from the coffee region, the coffee is not a bean, it is a berry, and as a child I drank tea from coffee leaves. I say this to people and their eyes are visible on their foreheads: is it not South American coffee? Or tell me that in Ethiopia we drink coffee with a Ruth leaf, people are surprised, and you have Ruth? There are many things that I give to a cup of coffee, it is an added value. I think the more you know, the better quality product you can choose later.

Still, the original idea seemed silly to me, what’s so special about it here? Because I grew up in that culture. Later I realized that I have a lot that I can give to others as an experience. Even while I roast coffee, I can convey many things, so in life you can achieve this if you work hard and are persistent. I came to Lithuania with nothing, most people believe that if you are a refugee, you have to apply for benefits or you are a terrorist.

– Angry aftershocks are sometimes heard, as if Lithuania was just a stopover for refugees seeking a better life.

– Yes, a 13-year scale (laughs). Then you break those stereotypes and say you can do a lot. I think that is the story of my business: you can go up from below.

– You have lived in Lithuania for thirteen years, can you compare how people’s attitudes towards you have changed? Do you have less curious looks?

– I can tell a story with a joke: I walk on the beach, from Monciškiai to Šventoji. And suddenly I feel like all the people are looking at me! Turns out there was a nudist beach (laughs). I was the only one in a bathing suit, and they were all naked; I was brutally uncomfortable, I fell out of context. This may have been the first impression when everyone came to Lithuania, as if everyone was looking at me. But over time, you start to understand the culture, you start to speak in the same language, you laugh at the same jokes and other nuances. And then you start looking at yourself differently. As in the story of a nasty duck that later turns into a swan, when you look completely different and become the same. At first, maybe not only did people look at me differently, but I also felt differently. Today, I feel that this is my home, my corner. I know everything in Vilnius, everything becomes its own, it becomes the same.

– In one of your interviews, I read that you would be considered negligent in Ethiopia if you walked as you see now. What, then, are the beauty standards for women?

– They are different in urban and rural areas. In the field, people take care of themselves by natural means. For example, we use avocado or cow’s butter for hair masks. This is often done, the skin becomes smooth. We also use eggs not only for hair but also for the face. Am i doing this now Almost never (laughs). In the city everyone walks with straight hair, there is no woman who cannot manage her hair salon. I tried it in Lithuania, but they always ran me with afro hair because I didn’t know how to fix it. So now I don’t expect to be able to fix my hair here anymore, so I leave it as is. I wash with water and leave natural curls. There would be forks in Ethiopia!

So is there the most important attribute of a woman’s beauty: hair?

– My mother told me that the beauty of a girl is her teeth: a smile and hair. I think I am doing quite well, my teeth have not yet fallen out, I am in my hair, I am smiling, so everything is fine (quotes).

– There were headlines in the press about your broken marriage. How do you handle a difficult period?

– I don’t know why it’s called crumbling (laughs). I think people grow together or grow separately. Perhaps this is the case in my case. I think we choose to grow alone.

– But it is still a painful process when you realize that “you grew in different directions” and now you have to make a decision.

– Everything is painful, the most painful can be when people have to live a lie. And the hardest part is admitting it doesn’t work. We tried and it doesn’t work. Marriage or relationships shouldn’t be “either with me or you’re dead to me.” What is this nonsense? I don’t understand, sometimes it happens that lovers loved another, and when you need to be different, you immediately become a monster. Who needs that? I think people need to learn to let someone else go and wish them a better life and a better relationship. If we are unlucky, but we have a common project for life: children, then we must be able to agree on their happiness, be able to dedicate our egos to pain and recognize that the truth is that if we live together, we cannot survive. We have to survive, we have to grow and give our children, mom and dad.

– Do you think the most important thing is to stand out in peace?

– Yes, was I successful? Not very … but I want it.

– And what advice would you give to women who are also divorcing? Maybe you’ve discovered your own ways that make it easier to survive pain?

– I think those women or men who are already different, know what they had to do or had to do, so they know it. But those people who still live together, seek help. I think this is the worst when people live in a family with people who don’t speak and who go for months or months without intimacy. If you want to stay together and survive, seek help, go to a psychologist, do anything to change the situation. Because any situation where you say “ai …” and go to sleep is an adjustment bomb. Like it or not: one day it takes off and explodes, and you wonder why I have been there for so many years. This is what I think without wasting your time and that of your partner, if you love yourself and your partner, your child, seek help. When you fail, there will be no remorse for not trying. You need to talk to each other and to yourself.

– You mentioned love for yourself. How do you understand

– You don’t have to lie to yourself. Never. Because, in fact, probably the most difficult part is living a lie and an illusion. You don’t have to do it for nothing, don’t lie to yourself, at best, don’t lie at all (laughs). If you are open to yourself, you do what you want to do without acting or lying: you become happy and you can achieve what you want. But you have to tell yourself if, for example, you are lazy, you have to admit it and do something about it. If you are a great guy, you have to tell yourself too. After all, if you want to lose weight, but don’t eat on time and fail, it means you don’t want to lose weight at all!

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