Depressed Psychotherapist: If You Feel You Are Not Living Your Life, Start With These 2 Steps

– Tell someone who does not know what a psychotherapeutic group is and how it works?

– A psychotherapeutic group is a group of people who meet in a specific space of psychological safety at an agreed time. People come with the hope of being accepted, understood, heard with their own stories and experiences and with the purpose of helping themselves. There are several psychotherapeutic groups, so the type of help that people seek for themselves varies. The groups can be short or long term, focused on solving a specific psychological problem common to all participants, or more general, promoting maturity and personality growth. The group includes a leader: a mental health specialist. I lead long-term psychotherapy groups for the second year for people suffering from depression and anxiety. I think there is an important moment of specialization in groups because then people feel more secure with their own experience and come to the group with determination. The shared life experience, although abstract, immediately creates a sense of togetherness and unity. The group is usually not large (about ten members). The number of members of a psychotherapeutic group is important because of the potential for therapeutic change. In a small group, working for longer periods of time develops emotional connections between members that allow them to become aware of how they are building relationships and to try new ways of behaving in a relationship. I also run emotional support groups for those who are depressed and anxious. I often hear the question of how a psychotherapeutic group differs from an emotional support group for people experiencing depression and anxiety. Emotional support groups also have a lot of psychotherapeutic foundation, but they are larger and more focused on self-help.

– You say that there can be ten people in groups, but for many it is uncomfortable to tell their problems and experiences to one person, how to open up in groups? How is confidentiality ensured?

– When working individually with a psychotherapist, only the client opens, the psychotherapist can only open to the extent that it can be beneficial to the client. In a group, meanwhile, the openness of some members encourages others to open up, so for some people, opening up in groups can be even easier for this reason. It is important to understand that no one who comes to the group makes you speak. The group has certain rules that give the new person security right away. The fundamental principles of the group are confidentiality and respect for the other. In the lifetime of these groups, more than fifty have visited (attended) these groups for more than three months and I have never heard any complaints about people feeling unsafe. The group is full of real life. The first break occurs within a person when they decide they want to attend that group.

The second important stage is the first meetings, to dare and allow yourself to be, to meet new people in the group as you want and as much as you want at that time. And even after that, start patiently looking at your own rhythm, as with your own story, with your own difficulty, to start learning how to build a healthy relationship with yourself in the group and with the group itself. For many, the group becomes one of the sources of overcoming loneliness and sadness. Going back to confidentiality, that’s what people care about, what they care about and what they appreciate.

– Why are there no more such groups in Lithuania?

– For those who experience depression in long-term psychotherapeutic and emotional groups, I began to marry after my personal experience. For me, in the fight against depression, which I described in my autobiographical novel The Sun Will Come Back Tomorrow, attending psychotherapeutic groups has provided an important and essential boost to healing. However, nowhere could I find a group of people who experienced similar experiences. Heterogeneous groups have a variety of reactions to depression, just like in society. But when you survive relapses, you tire of the constant stigma, the constant explanations, and the evidence that depression is an illness. Unfortunately, no matter how much it is said in society that depression is as serious a disease as others, it still is when people who experience it often face environmental misunderstandings or find it too difficult and embarrassed to admit that depression has gone astray. . inside him. In such a group, a person discovers an echo of their well-being and feels accepted. Depression itself encourages a person to isolate themselves, to shut up, which is why these groups are really important.

There are similar groups in Belgium, Norway, the Netherlands, the United Kingdom, the United States, Finland, and other countries. I hope that we will have more and more long-term therapeutic groups in Lithuania. The World Health Organization lists depression as one of the top illnesses on the list.

– And what makes working in such a group more useful or beneficial than individual psychotherapy? Did your group get a lot of interest?

– Both group work and individual work provide benefits. I would not highlight any as more useful. Individual therapy has a completely different dynamic than group therapy, since individual psychotherapy creates a relationship between two people and group work affects all other members, the relationships with them, the therapist and the group as a whole. . relationship problems.

Regarding the need for these groups, I remember the first announcement of an emotional support group for people suffering from depression in Vilnius. We suspended the registration form at the fortieth registration. We did not expect such an interest just to publish. This created two emotional support groups. And then I organized a long-term psychotherapy group in Vilnius. I keep getting inquiries about other cities. As of September, I am compiling an analog group online. I think the need for these groups in our country is sufficient.

– You invite to the group those who seem to live outside their lives. How often do patients admit to feeling this way? What does this feeling mean and what steps can a person take to help themselves?

– The feeling or thought that something is wrong with me, the feeling that I am not doing what I should be doing, are the first signs that we may not be on the path of our lives. Are these signs of depression? The individual human situation would respond. However, when we realize that we think like this, the first step is not to ignore that thought, but to capture it. Then find courage, ask yourself, where did this thought / feeling come from? How long has it been growing and maturing in me?

And the second step, resist that thought / feeling and the current life situation, be a film director and allow yourself to create your own life movie in your imagination. Do you like the If the answer is no, you can seek help: people, new acquaintances who would help make a different movie, p. Ex. And. Helps to consciously shape the path of your life.

– You often expect a rapid improvement in well-being and, without it, frustrated, you do not understand the value of psychotherapy. What value would you highlight?

– Sometimes quick improvements are also needed, ie emotional uplift, strong external support for one goal or another, but it is temporary. Sometimes people go to spiritual-psychotherapeutic camps, on weekends, they “recharge” on them and then come back when they are sad because they cannot integrate it into their daily life, because they cannot feel so elevated and free. Here is the essence that such trips are a rest for the body as well as for the soul and mind. Psychotherapeutic changes take time. Quick injections often provide short-term benefits and can be accompanied by frustration later. Patience with yourself is the greatest test. Think about how long you live with the causes of difficulties. And how long do we want to change? Sometimes the time slots pass: we live with suffering for decades, and we want changes and improvements in a couple of months or after a few visits.

Probably the goal of psychotherapy in any direction is to help a person with love and compassion to know and accept the real self and to realize that we have no choice but to take care of ourselves exactly as we are throughout our lives. Only each direction of psychotherapy does it in its own way. Sometimes a person already has this foundation from before, and then the psychotherapist just needs to help the client get back on track. Otherwise, the process may take longer. But if our child were in trouble, most of us wouldn’t say, “I’ll give you two months to get along and then you’ll see how good I feel.” Or “Oh, here, read this book and stop feeling your anxiety, sadness, etc.” And sometimes we treat each other that way.

– Now we can find a lot of information about emotions, but some call to feel them, others to think positively and things like that. How do you find a balance between managing emotions and not suppressing them and not fooling yourself with positivity when emotions say something else?

– The emotions, thoughts and bodily sensations are our reactions to external or internal stimuli. It is important to mention, and biology, the genetic factors that determine human sensitivity. As a result, there is no universal recipe for inner harmony, balance. It is worth knowing that we all have a rational mind (thoughts, logic) and a feeling mind (emotions). If we are more sensitive, the mind of the senses begins to control us and we make decisions impulsively. If we are very structured, logical, we are governed by a rational mind, and in life we ​​are guided only by logic, without feelings. Still, these are extreme and a feeling of emptiness arises. The intersection of the rational and emotional mind is the wise mind. Balance is a life guided by a wise mind. Wisdom can be learned. If you lack emotions, look for them in yourself. If there are too many emotions, more to return to the present moment and “employ” logical thinking. Still, the first step is to stop and understand what is happening. Take a break from wisdom. It may take a few seconds before responding. This will be a deliberate stop of your choice, not an automatic response. As we live in the quest to make wise-minded decisions, we feel a greater sense of lightness and happiness.

– Many people still do not even know how to correctly describe the emotions they feel. We often describe well-being as “good” or “bad.” Why is it important to understand exactly what feelings and emotions we feel?

– In general, it is easier when we name what is happening to us. Not necessarily, they have to be emotions, sometimes it is easier to name what thoughts are constantly in your mind. It is important to start expanding the “good” and “bad” states little by little. The most important thing is that a person begins to talk about what is happening to him, to pay attention to how he lives in the present, how he reacts to one relationship or another, how he accepts himself and the environment around him. There is a great step in which a person allows himself to stop and become conscious, even for a very short time, to express his thoughts and feelings.

– The scourge of these times is anxiety. What should you do first when you notice that more or less anxiety is a constant companion in life?

– Anxiety is usually caused by thoughts about the future, constant thinking, how will it be, planning. And it all comes from the desire to know more than we know today. Ignorance is like the basis of suffering in these times, because then you are uninteresting, uncompetitive, unpredictable, no … The next moment, the pace of life is crazy. Therefore, a wise man must choose and give up many things in order not to get involved in meaningless matches.

Anxiety has been scientifically proven to be effective in reducing anxiety. Basic breathing meditation for mindfulness 5 min. after a couple of months of practice it reduces anxiety levels. Maybe it’s worth a try?

Another easy way to reduce anxiety is to spend as much time as you need to sleep and allow your body to move regularly in the way it wants. Numerous studies show that lack of sleep the next day increases anxiety, just as anxiety, tension increases immobility.

– The second edition of your book has been published, what comments from readers are you receiving?

– First of all, I would like to thank everyone who responds in one way or another. When readers respond after reading a book, I realize that the book has left a deeper imprint. My book is characterized by frankness, sincerity and practicality, although the story is painful and the depression slimy. And the reader is not only invited to travel this journey together, but while reading the book, he walks it. And after such a trip, I often get open letters from people who felt understood, not alone (“it seems like I was reading about myself”), who found answers about how to deal with a crisis or how to help a loved one with depression. There are a couple of comments stuck: one person shared that after reading a book, his mother finally calmed down for fifteen years searching for an answer to why her son committed suicide; found them in the book. And second: when the man shared that a close friend was in complete confusion and in another country where no one could avoid their conversation. And then he remembered what was written in the book, how the main character behaved in crisis situations and he applied that information. I am glad I was able to help your friend to stay in that period. In general, the value of talking openly about depression and suicide encourages others to take the step of openness as well. Create a sense of unity and community.