An American Who Grew Up In A Lesbian Family: A Boy Needs Both A Mother And A Father

Current issues such as divorce, remarriage, various adoption practices, and the use of reproductive technologies inevitably raise questions about their impact on children and their compatibility with children’s rights and children’s human dignity.

An international conference “The future of Europe, the family and natural human rights” was recently held in Lithuania. We spoke with one of the speakers at the event, Katy Faust, founder and author of the book Them Before Us, an organization that defends the rights and interests of children in the United States.

One of the most discussed topics at the moment is family policy. Those seeking to liberalize family law, which these days is generally associated with sexual minorities’ desire to equate their relationship with the family of a man and a woman, trust the assumption (or even the belief that this It has been proven) that the changes listed above do not interfere with children’s well-being. You have explored these topics in detail and have your own personal experience as you were raised by a lesbian mother and her partner. Is this assumption correct?

– I was born and raised for a time with my mom and dad. When they got divorced, they both worried about me living apart. This is called sharing with parents.

My mother has been living with another woman for over 30 years after getting divorced. However, in my experience, it is not a testimony of a girl who had two mothers. Rather, it is an acknowledgment that one can love the gay community and support traditional marriage and family because it protects the rights of children.

Let us understand that when “husband” and “wife” become optional categories in the definition of marriage, the terms “mother” and “father” also acquire that optional meaning in paternity law. But in the hearts of children, mom and dad are never an optional category. Children always yearn for both.

In homosexual marriages, the right of children to be loved, recognized and closely related to their mother and father is violated. Therefore, in the case of marriage and the family, the real rights of children or the perceived rights of sexual minorities can be prioritized, but not both at the same time.

Do you make a distinction between tolerating and promoting different forms of love and relationships in society? Discuss what this means in practice.

In defense of children’s rights, we make public the harm suffered by children in the various forms of human coexistence. For example, what it is like to be separated by mutual consent when a child finds himself in a new family with a stepfather or stepmother or grows up in a polygamous household. Of course, when we talk about this, we are faced with the fact that divorce, coexistence and pluralism are free options for the people to whom everyone is entitled.

Of course, in a free society, adults can freely decide on the relationships they build. However, a just society will promote the only adult relationship that cannot take anything away from a child growing up in such a family. Regardless of how the state formulates family law, the family of a father and a mother living in marriage deserves special recognition, protection and encouragement, since it is the only relationship that can unite two people to whom the child has a natural right: his mother. and father.

Consider the following scenario: If a lesbian couple raises one of their biological children and the biological mother dies, what is best for the child? If the child is attached to the mother’s partner, could he not stay with her instead of living with the biological father? In such cases, the need for a couple law is argued for the child to remain with the mother’s partner. Are you convinced by these arguments?

First of all, we must recognize that this is not the beginning of this story. The beginning of the story was the moment when adults (biological mother, biological father and / or female partner) decided to separate the child from the biological father. It was at this time that the boy was treated unfairly.

Children have a natural right to their mother and father. You experience a loss when you are separated from your mother or father, whatever the reason: divorce, abandonment of a child, initiation of a child by donation. Separating children from their biological parents should never be an easy solution.

Also, since adults who are not statistically related are less attached, committed, and less inclined to protect children, it should not be easy to associate children with biologically strangers.

Therefore, any unrelated adult should be required to participate in the adoption process prior to granting parental authority, and this should apply to both heterosexual couples seeking adoption and stepparents or same-sex spouses seeking adoption. parental responsibility. Parental rights should not automatically be granted to an adult in a romantic relationship with the child’s biological father.

Thus, if in the previous scenario a woman who is not biologically related to the child resists the tests of the adoption process, her relationship with the child would have to be recognized in the event of the loss or rupture of the child. family. Such decisions are possible without changing the concept of marriage and parenting laws.

Situations like the one you mentioned are exceptional, but are often invoked to justify the complete destruction of the legal norms of marriage and parenthood by extending them. The rule is ignored that the rights of children in the home of a married mother and father are protected, that children can trust the most trusted adults in their lives, and that they are given an exceptionally meaningful biological identity . For these reasons alone, such a family deserves a special position in public policy.

Is it really that important who adopts a child? Isn’t that the most important thing that was adopted? Perhaps, in any case, the child should be grateful to be alive and loved?

We understand that no adult has the right to adopt. These children who have lost their parents have the right to be adopted. These children must enter homes where they can experience the maternal and paternal love necessary for the child’s development and where they can enjoy the stability of marriage.

Children experiencing the pain of losing a family especially need the love of mother and father to help them regain psychological stability.

We treat children incorrectly if we understand adoption as a way for adults to “have children” rather than find the best parents for children who have lost them.

Furthermore, we should not expect gratitude from foster children. These children carry wounds that can and will never heal.

Another problem for the modern family is surrogacy. How are adoptive parents different from foster parents? Perhaps it makes no difference if the child grows up in a loving family?

Adopted and surrogate children have one thing in common: they have lost their parents, genetically and / or by birth. In both situations, the child remains injured.

However, the similarities end here. Those who raise adopted children seek to repair the damage suffered by the child. The adoptive parents did not participate in the biological parents’ decision to leave the child, they only seek to alleviate the pain caused by the biological parents. Meanwhile, children born through reproductive technologies (surrogacy, sperm or egg donation) are raised by adults who have caused harm to the child.

The decision of people who raise a child in the absence of a biological parent causes psychological harm to that child initiated by the donation. Unfortunately, there are not many such studies. I will draw on a study (My Daddy’s Name Is Donor) comparing the achievements of adopted children and sperm donors. Even though adopted children grew up without both biological parents, they fared better than children who started using sperm donation and grew up with one biological parent.

However, these children also performed worse compared to children raised in families of biological parents. In short, adoption protects children’s rights and is violated by reproductive technologies. A just society cares about orphans rather than condemning some parentless children in advance.

Changing the legal definition of family, which he believes to be an essential condition for the well-being of a child, argues that this is historically inevitable. Those who disagree with this are called antiquated. Do you agree that it is only a matter of time before various family models are legalized around the world?

It is impossible to ignore the natural law. Natural law and the social sciences confirm that having a mother and father is a children’s natural right because children need both a mother and a father, they deserve them.

It is neither modern nor progressive to treat children as goods that any rich person can buy. However, it is precisely these goods that are considered children in countries where the concept of marriage has changed and reproductive technologies have been given the green light.

Regardless of how marriage and parenthood are defined in law, grief over the loss of a mother and father cannot be removed by any legal means, just as it is impossible to erase a child’s desire to be recognized and loved by both. the father as well as the mother.

So, in fact, states and societies should ask themselves whether their laws will protect the rights of children, their most vulnerable citizens.

Organizations that advocate for traditional family and marriage have always relied on well-known facts and statistics. It is generally accepted that a child’s prosperity is maximized by growing up in the home of married biological parents. The importance of a life-long marriage between a man and a woman is confirmed by natural law and common sense. The five great religions of the world also proclaim this eternal truth.

Let’s try to listen to the life stories of those children who grew up in ‘modern families’, not because they lost a mother or father, but because their rights were prioritized, but the wishes of adults.

Them Before Us has accumulated many testimonials from these children. Children of divorced parents and children initiated by sperm or egg donation and children of gay parents have shared their stories. Their stories are published in a recent US book.
“Them Before Us: Why We Need a Global Movement for Children’s Rights” They are against us: why we need a global movement for the rights of the child). It makes sense to meet them so that the world understands the price children pay when their right to grow up in a family is ignored.

Although the experiences of these children are generally ignored in one-sided media, the lives of those people do not change as a result, the loss of a mother or father leaves scars forever. This is a loss that must be lamented, not glorified in the name of supposed progress.

Thank you for the interview.