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The interview was originally published in L’Officiel Lithuania in 2019. in the December issue.
– In one of your posts, you wrote that you can’t wait for 2019 to end and that you are eager to open a new page in your life. What do you expect from 2020?
– I didn’t trust … I don’t know if I’m so old here or what happened, but this year I want peace and health. What we generally want for people of solid age. But peace seems to me today the greatest value and luxury.
I really hope there is time to read and exercise, and just have a cup of coffee in the morning in bed. In fact, I no longer remember what it is, even though it has been a mandatory ritual in my life for decades. I even agreed to get up earlier so I could have that coffee, but this year, “before” would have meant going to bed entirely.
– On New Year’s Eve, did you make a list of plans, jobs, goals?
– I’m already a planner anyway. And, it happens, very strongly ahead. Even my language teacher, whom I visited before the program to correct my problematic pronunciation a bit, said that my language is very faulty because thoughts run much further ahead. That I can’t be “here and now”.
The past year has been more productive than ever: many new projects, new beginnings, but has the collapse of personal life overshadowed everything?
I couldn’t say that. On the contrary, it is not for nothing that people with problems in their personal lives immerse themselves in work. When you don’t know what will happen when part of life is suspended in midair, it’s great to know that you can control everything, or at least a lot, in one area. Work helps escape. I can dive into that, now I think too much. I don’t want to drown in it.
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– If, frankly, at the beginning of the year, you imagined, perceived and perhaps guessed, what kind of hell would the other half get into? Or maybe hell, how strong is a word?
– If you talk about New Years night, sometimes it seems that it was on that night when a turning point occurred in me. There is a time when you realize that something in life will be different. Such a strange feeling when you don’t know what it is, but the realization that you are not living your life is already becoming clear to infinity.
Last year, if it’s not catastrophic, is the most difficult part of my life. Everything went a long way and by no means do I mean that only the bad things, but also the good ones, require attention, time and internal resources. Controlling all this, finding strength near endless emotional storms sometimes seemed even unbearable. But, thank God, everything in this world always ends. And this year … Well, we always wish that the new year is incomparably better. I don’t want better, I want a lighter.
In fact, I once read such a strange book by the Lithuanian philosopher Saulius Kanišauskas “Anatomy of Destiny”. There is a lot of reason that disaster is good, because to build something, it is necessary to break something into dust. And I don’t know if that is true. So far, I haven’t built anything decently, but I’ve trashed it. On the other hand, there is a light at the end of the tunnel (smiles).
“Would the mask of the giant destroyer Halko have been for this Halloween?” But if seriously, can a person ruin everything?
– Hard to say. I have decided not to be categorical in my evaluation. Over the years, I realized that “this is not the case” is the stupidest thing to say. Everything happens. But if you ask about human relations, I have an incomprehensible general desire to search for culprits. What is the difference between what, how and why? I understand that this can be interesting in the context of gossip, but in people’s lives, it doesn’t matter why one relationship or another ends. There is only one fact and you must continue living with it.
And constantly blocking the past for someone’s fault is not my style at all. I am very sentimental, but I can’t completely remember the bad things. Maybe it’s a good feature. And the good things hurt, so to speak, kindly. Longing, remembering, sometimes repentance – these are clean, real, healing feelings. I don’t understand that universal needs to be constantly happy. Smells like some kind of schizophrenia. Sadness, like joy, is essential. The best, both in moderation.
– Joy or sadness in your life lately?
– It seems to me that I’m getting closer to balance. Needless to say, he has converted a lot this year, to put it mildly. But for everything it is time. In general, I am a very positive person, only the emotions played seem silly to me. The obligation to play happy, successful and always combed kills me.
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– Harmonious life – a strange phrase for you? In what moments do you feel really good?
– I do not know. When you are tired, perfect for resting, when you are on vacation, it is a fiction to fly to work. When you’ve been alone for a long time, you want to be hugged like this, and when a relationship is strangling, you just want to be free. Literally perfect when everything is more or less the same. A true chaos theory …
After all, there is an extraordinary amount of order in every chaos. That the flapping of butterfly wings on one side of the world causes an earthquake on the other. That each action has an answer to what you sow, that you reap, we will all get what we deserve. I can’t think of any more proverbs (quotes).
– Is there a lot of evidence of this theory in your life? It is said that all theory should be able to be refuted …
– As “our Father”, I believe that our lives depend entirely on us. I never understand that concept of “destiny” or the philosophy of “how God will give.” If everyone in life came to terms with current circumstances or did not try to jump higher, if “the hair on the end really couldn’t fly”, there certainly would not be many fantastic discoveries, achievements and creations in the world.
Of course, there are all kinds of circumstances that hinder the achievement of your goals, but there is no reason to pursue them. I don’t know what’s happening to me here with those motivational sayings and slogans (probably squatting too much on social media), but if Plan A didn’t work, there are thirty-one more letters left.
– Is that what you’re trying to show your followers on Instagram or Facebook? Do you feel the duty to motivate, inspire or arise on your own?
– It is not the case that I get up in the morning and think about what I am doing now to motivate followers of social networks. I prefer to try to motivate myself (laughs). For some reason, people think I don’t need motivation, I need it, and more like that. It is definitely not the case that the fifth morning the alarm goes off an infinitely happy dance from bed to defeat the world.
On the other hand, I feel responsible for young women. In social networks, each one has its own audience and I am followed by young women who are beginning life or my peers. We live in an era of emancipation, but the idea that a man has to create the material well-being of a woman remains endless. I’m not saying that a man can’t take care of a loved one, and even give him ultra-luxurious gifts if he wants to, but I’m saying that choosing a relationship just for the gifts is more than useless. Love must be the only basis of a relationship. A woman must be independent because she is not an accessory, not an accessory, but a personality. So I have the luxury of being with who I want, not who I need, which is a value.
– Back to chaos theory – are you a chaotic man?
– I think I look like that from the side. But if those people knew how many compulsory things he was juggling today, he would certainly point a finger at the incense to never do it. Personally, I think this is not very normal, but it has already happened. No one sits down and does not think: as a “faina”, I will take billions of jobs. Think: yes, one more, maybe another, and then some mandatory ones fall, then it turns out that someone from you expected something else, then someone else cheats on you and charges you incomparably more than you thought, then someone in the middle of the trip shook your soles because it can no longer, then something else happens in personal life and on the “good day”, whose life is it? Tavo
And yet, in this chaotic nonsense, there are so many systems, responsibilities, and other things without which things would not happen.
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– Book, creams, furniture, show, TV show: is there a phrase “too much” in your dictionary? Well, at least the word “pretty”?
– If we talk about the Agnė Jagelavičiūtė brand – no. There are many examples of international multitasking where airlines and … creams are created under a specific name, but for me as a person, of course, there is a limit. I hope it is not available soon. I’m going to calm down for a while. That is enough for me today. No, don’t be bored, I just believe in harmony. Much of me this year. That was the plan. But after “much” there must come a moment of “little”. Although I speak and do not believe me.
Let’s try to calculate: I worked on a magazine, created furniture, handmade cosmetics, a book, various collections of instantly grabbed sweaters, prepared a style show and where there are several hundred more ads on the social network. Excluding mandatory events, photo shoots and everything in between. And being a mother and dealing with everyday life comes naturally. Some of the projects I have already prepared will only be visible to the world after the New Year. Well, how much is not too much for a small person? Next year, I want to follow two things in this line: a magazine and social networks. And finally, really make time for yourself. Maybe even finally build YOUR home.
– And not only because there may finally be some time? ..
– I am almost forty years old, but I still have no tangible assets. Automobiles and the like are not an investment, but toys that depreciate at an alarming rate. In fact, it was often a reason to mock social media: realizing that this is how it works, and that you can’t even buy a “flat.”
I am not ashamed to admit that until this year, everything I earned and spent. I cannot live with the belts tight due to a “floor”. I do not believe that real estate provides security, on the contrary, it can be a stone under the neck. On the other hand, I wanted to take the time to be able to buy no more than what I would like. What am I driving to? In addition to the fact that young people now have high hopes that they will be paid “with dignity” immediately. And my practice shows that he earns fifteen years, often for a modest salary, like, more tactically, here, and he happens to receive dividends on all his earnings a year. I hope young people understand something by reading this.
– Do you think it is difficult for those around you with people like you?
– The first thing I thought was to fall back into the dust and roll, how bad I am, but you know, it depends on the person. I don’t think it’s easy for me, but maybe it depends on what those around you want? If you need peace, of course, I’m not a “haven of peace”, but if you want to fly at the speed of light, sometimes get trapped behind a meteorite, but with the perspective of “stars”, then, welcome, use seatbelt.
The best thing in life is that we don’t really charge anyone for anything. We met, incredible. We passed? Maybe it’s better this way. And no, that doesn’t mean I casually look at human relationships. On the contrary. I value other people’s right to the life of their choice too much to keep them close, if not on the road.
– Do you think it is possible to get used to life and learn to free people every time they suddenly “get off the road”?
– I do not know. We lose people close to us in a certain sense all the time. It is not easy or pleasant, none of that, or some kind of science. Life is very complex and it’s not just about our wishes and personal worldview. Sometimes being together for some reason is simply no longer possible and you just have to accept it.
Both at work, in friendship and in love. When it comes to feelings, I myself don’t believe in “forever” because it is better to be “happily” than “to die.” I’m not saying I never wanted it “forever”, but not all wishes are meant to come true.
Sometimes that kind of attitude of mine seems drastic to people. Immediately, unintentionally, I’m intrigued by seemingly inappropriate values, but I hate pretending. More than once, I have seen those “eternal” marriages collapse just two, three years later. Not only that, it not only collapsed, but even with public scratches, disputes, and property divisions.
– What news, what thoughts, understandings have occurred in recent years?
– I know I don’t know anything.
– And would you like to know more?
I would not do it. Although I don’t want to leave anything in my life to the “will of destiny”, I do want to leave room for divine coincidence. If you always knew what awaits you, there simply would be no point in living. And I still haven’t figured out everything.
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