Lithuanian shocked at open photos of breastfeeding women: about life in the US, breastfeeding and why she decided to have a second child at home

– Tell me, how did you find yourself in the United States?

– I have lived here for 10 years. I first flew to the United States when I was 20 years old, and a year later I returned full time. It can be said that I found myself run by love in the United States, although I never planned to leave Lithuania. And even more to move to the United States. This country seemed so far away. My parents and I traveled around Europe, but there were no opportunities to travel to the United States. When the opportunity arose, I visited for the first time and immediately fell in love with this country. The people here turned out to be so friendly, different. I like Lithuania because it is my country, I grew up there, but I always had the feeling that it didn’t fit here. Maybe he was too sensitive, but he wanted people to smile a little more. I remember when I came back from the United States, I told everyone how happy everyone was there, how I wanted to be there. And the dream came true. I would move to Chicago, where I lived for many years. Then we started traveling to Hawaii, bought a house, and had the opportunity to spend winters there before the children went to school. I would eventually move out. I have been living here for a year now.

– Now, 10 years later, do Americans still look constantly smiling and happy? Are there still problems there?

One thing I feel is that even 10 years later, I am still an immigrant. I will never be one of them. I will always have an accent when I speak English, even if it is not as strong as that of people who come to the US Even before. The fact that I am from abroad reveals not only my accent, but also how I put sentences, how I express my thoughts. Americans are very careful, everywhere they use words like “please,” “I’m sorry.” And the Lithuanians are simpler: “bring me this”, “give it to me”. Do not wrap words in watts. This difference became more pronounced after 10 years and I am starting to see the negative and positive sides. The positive is that I can always go out with the excuse of being a newcomer. If I feel like I’ve been stupid or rude, I always rule out that I’m from abroad, I’m not local. And when it comes to culture, I now see greater differences between states. Let’s say that people in Chicago look happier than in Lithuania, but not as happy as in Hawaii. The differences between the states here are similar to those of the states in Europe. Also, a lot depends on who your neighbors are. I started to like Hawaiian villages where knights don’t live, but many people who could live as knights but choose to live in more remote places and just enjoy a sense of community, have less than they could in other states, but have certain values of that age. they become more important.

– What habits did you need to change to adapt to the American lifestyle?

– I think I had the opportunity to develop here. Here they are called very sensitive people: very sensitive people. When I grew up in Lithuania, many things seemed too cruel to me. It seemed like he had to meet some standard to be judged. And here I was able to reveal the fact that I am from another country, maybe it even helped to be what I want. If I wanted to shave my head today and tattoo my face, I could do it and no one would be too surprised. It is one of the advantages of this country that whoever wants what they do. There is no standard like the person, which should be a mother, an entrepreneur or an artist. As a result, there is freedom of expression here. Family members also did not notice any significant changes in me. Friends just say what I was, what I am. I like that. Perhaps it is a reminder that I transplant to a different soil and can flourish for myself as I always wanted. We will see what happens next. If I had to go back to Lithuania now, I don’t think I will be pressured by the requirements or the rules. For me, my own happiness and life are more important than what others think.

– Today, many women in Lithuania are under pressure to always be tense, to raise children, to make a career, to take care of their home, etc. What is the United States like? Is there such an image of a perfect woman?

– It is because there are many immigrants in the United States and many of them are from countries that have that image. ]When I was doing my projects with moms, I met different types of women and was able to do my own little research on what people are, how moms behave, how they feel, what life decisions they have made and what influenced them. It was very interesting. And if we take the majority of society, there are no standards in it. On the other hand, there are many cultures and they are all very different, raising children differently. For example, true Hawaiians are not ashamed to lock their child in a public place. Certainly not all. But the American standards for a person, and the standards for a mother specifically, are more or less the same: if you are not a good person, you will not get much. There is less ascension here.

– And when it comes to women and mothers, what is your image of a perfect woman?

– I also have persistent Lithuanian beliefs. If, for example, I am photographing in Los Angeles, I will want to look great. I will make sure to adapt to all the fashions there because there is such a persistent perception that their looks represent what they have accomplished, how they take care of themselves and so on. When I’m in Hawaii, I don’t know how many months ago, especially when I was quarantined, I didn’t do a pedicure, a manicure, I didn’t cut my hair, and makeup doesn’t exist for me here either. Because there is nothing against which to show. I find it very interesting to follow what I do for myself and for others. After all, the conclusion is one thing: what I do for others is also for myself, because I know that these are the rules of the game. My own self-esteem doesn’t break it. It is as if you meet the president. After all, you would behave according to all the rules of etiquette. And anyway, the ideal woman for me is the one who manages to be like a queen. This means that she feels a balance between that independent girl who can always pay herself, earn and demand nothing from anyone, and between the one who likes to be married to a man’s king. I am for self-discovery and I am not trying to set any standard. Let women be who they want to be. I am not ready to criticize.

– Let’s talk about jobs. In the United States, many call it a country of opportunity. How much effort did you have to do to achieve what you wanted? Is it really that easy to get through?

– I think so. It all depends on your character. If you are very willing and working hard, this is definitely possible. It is difficult for me to compare those possibilities with Lithuania, because I was still too young to believe in myself. Although I always had creative potential, I didn’t even dare to think that I could create something of my own. It didn’t seem that way to me. When I came to the US, I knew I would get criticism, but maybe criticism from strangers doesn’t hurt as much as mine. As far as I know, the people who do it, try and don’t give up, they always get what they want. It all depends on well-being, character, stubbornness. While this sounds banal, it is. This is sometimes not even understood by Americans themselves. Many devour their country and say it is the worst state that both this and that are wrong here. I don’t really get into such discussions because the United States is really a country of opportunity for me. Locals may not have any other experience to understand that.

– One of your most famous projects is a book about nursing mothers. What is the prevailing opinion in the United States about breastfeeding, breastfeeding in a public place?

– There are all kinds of opinions, but those who shout loudly will always find something to scream for. You can criticize the education and breastfeeding of children. It saddens me because young mothers like me, who still don’t realize that they can do what they want and spit at what others say. This can prevent a mother from following her intuition and instincts. Because no one told me how much to breastfeed. I didn’t know if I would breastfeed at all. I remember when I was expecting my first child, I bought bottles and my sister tells me, and why you need them, you will be breastfeeding. He hadn’t found out, he just had instincts. I knew what to do. And anyway, the United States accepts people as they are. If mom wants to breastfeed openly, so be it. It would be a great disrespect and embarrassment if someone came up and said something to the breastfeeding woman.

– Have you not personally encountered such an unpleasant situation?

– It was not in real life, but in virtual – yes. It can be said that this was the beginning of my “Goddess of Breastfeeding” project. It all started when I put a photo where I was breastfeeding my two children at the same time. It was very beautiful to me. I definitely wanted to immortalize. It happened about 5 years ago. As soon as I uploaded the photo, several comments came from Lithuanians and non-Lithuanians. And if I ever avoided criticism from my compatriots, that time I received it with a battery. Finally, instead of accepting it personally, I realized that it shows the problem of society as a whole. Breastfeeding is not and should not be something to love. I immediately wondered what I could do to improve this situation. This is how my project was born. I looked at those comments, and the crueler they were, the more specific, my next photo was even stronger. If you don’t want to, don’t look, but since you’re watching and commenting, then you care. After half a year or a year, many more followers emerged and my photos and my project spread around the world. Many mothers wrote me letters, shared their experiences. I felt great power from women.

– Do you continue with this project?

– I don’t change my profession every few years. My artistic expression is through visual creation. It will always remain my passion. I will always want to immortalize pregnant and lactating women because it is very simple in the first place. Because the connection already exists, beauty exists, remains to be captured. Everything was very easy for me and I always will if there are people who want to. But at the same time I want to change, discover new things.

“You are raising two children yourself, right?” At what age did you breastfeed your children yourself?

– Yes, my old man is now 8 years old, the youngest is 6. I breastfed my old man until he was 5 years old. Since I was breastfeeding the youngest at the time, the oldest also came. That doesn’t mean I breastfed him all day, but only sometimes when we had sex, we hugged. I decided not to breastfeed until I felt it was enough for me. It is not my standard to breastfeed all my children under the age of 5, and they should all do so now. Everything is fine, if you don’t know anything. Mom has to choose what is best for her, because a happy mother is a happy child.

– You had children early enough. How did those around you accept it?

– yeah I gave birth to my first child in the hospital and the second at home. I’m short, I look younger than me, and when he was 21, he looked like a boy at all. I remember having problems and heard the nurses talking to each other: “Poor thing, such a young woman gives birth.” But I wanted to be a mother so strong from the age of 14 that it was even fun. One of the reasons was the desire to experience love for a child, it seemed to be my vocation as a woman. Another reason is that my parents were very late. My mother was 45 years old, my father was about 50. I wanted my parents to live and see their grandchildren. I always said at 21 that I would already have children. That was what happened.

– How do you raise children? More Lithuanian or American?

– Maybe somehow. The American would not leave. Maybe I would like to use more Lithuanian. Because when the children started going to school, the Lithuanian language was forgotten. I know that if I have to say something serious, I have to say it in English, because I don’t understand Lithuanian. Then it includes a package of why I have to break my tongue when I want to say something to my children. As for education, I promote that attachment education as much as possible. Sure, they’re bigger now, making it harder to get out. My children are real boys, they fight a lot among themselves, so they don’t always manage to keep that calm, María Terese. But I realized one thing that when you raise children, you contribute not only to their lives, but to the whole world, to what will be in the future. There are many examples where, for example, parents were very critical, yelling loudly at their children, so they grew up choosing a similar husband or wife because they understand love that way. It is such a vicious circle. Now it seems to me that a lot of people come back a little and realize what their responsibilities are. It is my responsibility to let the children enter the world and know that they will have an impact so that something changes for the better.

– You mentioned that your second birth was at home. In Lithuania, this method of childbirth was legalized only a couple of years ago. How did you go?

– As I said, I have been expecting babies and giving birth very early. I thought everything would be magical. But I didn’t like giving birth in the hospital. I was not allowed to lie as I wanted, I was not allowed to drink water, I was pumped, I immediately took the baby. It seemed to me that things should be different. Immediately I said that I would still have children and give birth differently. I was planning to have my second child home immediately, no problems here. Everything went very fast. An hour passed from the beginning of the struggles until I put the baby in my arms. It was incredible, I felt my power as a woman and a mother. Each birth story is magical. Will I choose the same thing again next time? I do not know! But I am very happy to have this paragraph in my book of life.